They seemed so important at the time, didn’t they? The Facebook-worthy scandals and tweet-level gossip that actually made social media seem relevant.
But as we turn the page on another year and try to figure out how we explain to our grandchildren why we allowed Snooki to happen, let's take a look back on some of the top nontroversies of 2010.
1. Meg Whitman's Housekeeper Drama
Wait. Someone in California unwittingly used an undocumented worker? Both I and my pool guy Pedro were shocked to hear this. By the way, how do you know when something is a nontroversy? When Gloria Allred shows up.
Then-Delaware Republican Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell talking with family members in between television interviews in September. O'Donnell was subjected to ridicule after a clip surfaced from an appearance years ago on comic Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect show where she mentions dabbling in witchcraft.
Then-Delaware Republican Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell talking with family members in between television interviews in September. O'Donnell was subjected to ridicule after a clip surfaced from an appearance years ago on comic Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect show where she mentions dabbling in witchcraft. Rob Carr/AP
2. The Park 51 Mosque
Because we all know the only things that should be respectfully close to ground zero are souvenir stands and fast-food joints.
3. Christine O'Donnell Having To Declare "I'm Not A Witch"
You knew Democrats were desperate this election year when a campaign that should have been out of reach swung on what Christine O'Donnell did on a date in high school. Remember the good old days when a political scandal was having a baby out of wedlock with your videographer?
4. The "Outing" Of Shirley Sherrod
It's gonna be a loooooong time before anybody gets excited by the phrase, "I've got a video that's gonna blow the lid off the Department of Agriculture's Rural Development Agency!"
5. Juan Williams Vs. National Public Radio
C'mon, NPR! In post-racial America black people should be allowed to be Islamophobes, too!
6. The Cam Newton "Pay For Play" Allegations
Learning a lesson from its lax handling of the Reggie Bush affair, this time the NCAA proactively did nothing about potential recruiting violations in college football. Seriously, the NCAA couldn't do less if it started installing "Playas Only" ATMs in team training rooms.
But all those non-issues can't begin to not measure up to the biggest nontroversy of 2010:
7. The iPhone Death Grip
The word going around: Allegedly, if you held an iPhone 4 a certain way, you sometimes maybe might kinda get a little bit slightly less reception. Possibly. Apple haters were so excited by "antennagate" that they completely forgot to go out and buy themselves a Microsoft Kin phone, which lived and died in seven anonymous weeks.
But don't cry in your HP Slates, haterz — hopefully next year there'll be an iPad 2.0 with a minor screen discoloration issue for y'all to flame on your blog sites with an already cliche cry of "epic fail." I look forward to it.
Until then, here's hoping your 2011 is filled with nothing but significance.