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Who's Carl This Time?

Carl reads three quotes from the week's news: thousands protest like Egyptians; yet another Snowpocalypse; the Big, Gentle Game.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

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PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you, everybody. We have got a great show for you today. We've got author Carl Hiaasen coming on to play our game later.

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SAGAL: Wow, it is good. But first: a personal complaint from me. With the big blizzard this week, everybody - you know, all the media - sent cameras to Chicago, and they filmed the stalled cars and the snowdrifts. And they were like, ha, ha, we thought Chicagoans were so tough. They can't deal with a little snowstorm. Well, I am a Chicagoan, and I knew exactly how to deal with the snowstorm.

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SAGAL: I flew to Miami.

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SAGAL: You can join us from wherever you're trying to keep warm. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait; that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

M: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

M: This is LaWanda Edwards.

SAGAL: Hey LaWanda, how are you?

M: I'm fine. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm all right. Where are you calling from?

M: I'm in Baltimore, Maryland.

SAGAL: I guess - and I could do this all show - I'll ask, how's the weather there? And then I'll laugh.

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SAGAL: So, how's the weather in Baltimore?

M: Well, it is cold and we do have snow, but it's nothing compared to what's going on in the rest of the country. We've actually been lucky.

SAGAL: Right. LaWanda, it's great to have you. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, it's television personality and contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning," Mr. Mo Rocca, right there.

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M: Hi, Mo Rocca.

M: Hi, LaWanda.

M: I love you on "CBS Sunday Morning."

M: Oh, well thank you, LaWanda. I love you in Baltimore.

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M: Thanks.

SAGAL: Next, it's one of the women behind the Washington Post's "Reliable Source" column, Ms. Roxanne Roberts.

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M: Hi, Ms. Roberts.

M: Hello.

SAGAL: And finally, it's a comedian and a winner of "Last Comic Standing," Mr. Alonzo Boden.

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M: Hello, LaWanda.

M: Hi, Mr. Boden.

M: Hi, LaWanda. Welcome to Miami.

M: Hi, thank you.

SAGAL: Now LaWanda, you're going to play "Who's Carl This Time?" Carl Kasell, of course, will start us off - as he most often does - with three quotations from the week's news.

M: OK.

SAGAL: If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize: Carl's voice on your home answering machine. You ready to go?

M: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right, now your first quote, Carl is reading from a sign that was held up in protests this week.

KASELL: Go already. My arm is starting to hurt.

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SAGAL: That sign was held up by a protester where?

M: Egypt?

SAGAL: Yes, in Egypt, yes.

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M: Yay.

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SAGAL: So, a tough week for King Tut.

M: Yes.

SAGAL: As he lost the title of the only Egyptian Americans have ever heard of.

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SAGAL: Now we add to that list the autocratic President Hosni Mubarak, the opposition leader Mohamed Elbaradei, and whoever it was that punched Anderson Cooper it the face.

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SAGAL: The Egyptian people took to the streets to protest the repressive regime there. President Mubarak responded by cutting off their Internet. That was a bad move. The people were like, well, if I can't stay home and watch baby camel cams, I'm taking to the streets.

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SAGAL: Now, one of the things going on is the revolt caught the world by surprise, including the Obama administration. They had to scramble to keep up all week. In their first official statement, they referred to our friend Hosni Mubarak. Then he was just our acquaintance.

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SAGAL: Then he was that guy Hori or Hassan or what's his face, we don't know.

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SAGAL: By the end of the week, the White House really turned on him. They were fed up. They delivered a blow to the regime by demanding Mubarak show his birth certificate.

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M: You know what my favorite part is so far?

SAGAL: What is your favorite part?

M: The camels, all right.

M: Oh my God, it's amazing.

M: You know, I'm sitting there thinking, OK, you're in the middle - your county is in upheaval, and all of a sudden these guys come riding through on camels. And I keep thinking, well, where do you go to get a camel?

M: I know. It's very Cecil B. DeMille. It's very well-produced. It's very lavish.

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M: I have to say that watching the entertainment shows cover this is perhaps the only amusing element of all of this.

SAGAL: Well, what do you mean?

M: "Entertainment Tonight" has been covering it, and it's as if they're watching a movie. I mean, it's like - playing the embattled reporter, it's "Silver Fox" Anderson Cooper.

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SAGAL: To me, what's interesting is, like, because everybody is talking about it, so everybody is asking everybody who doesn't know what's going on about it. Like Piers Morgan was interviewing Mitt Romney about the Egyptian crisis. Mitt Romney?

M: He's right on top of things in Egypt.

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M: Mitt is on the pulse of Egypt at every moment.

M: Yeah.

M: I mean, why wouldn't you just pick people at random to talk to?

SAGAL: Are there no Egyptians left in the world; we have to talk to Mitt Romney?

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M: Well, he...

SAGAL: I would talk to Brendan Fraser. He was in "The Mummy."

M: "The Mummy."

SAGAL: Which took place in Egypt.

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M: Yeah, "The Mummy."

SAGAL: Before I talked to Mitt Romney.

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SAGAL: LaWanda, here is your next quote.

M: OK.

KASELL: Shovel, sleep, repeat.

SAGAL: Those were instructions give in the Boston Globe this week. They were telling people what to do because of what?

M: The big snowstorm.

SAGAL: Indeed, the huge snowstorm this week.

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M: Yes.

SAGAL: You know, it was Snowmygod, the Snowtato Famine.

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SAGAL: Snowcaine Snoverdose. It was terrible. The only person who didn't seem to mind all the snow was Charlie Sheen. He was plowing his driveway with a hundred-dollar bill shoved up his nose.

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M: Well, he had his own kind of snow.

SAGAL: That's true.

M: And here in Miami, they can relate to that kind of snow.

M: Yes, exactly.

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M: That's pretty funny.

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SAGAL: You know, the storm this week made history - not because of the snowfall or the temperature. It was because for once, the weather forecasters said it would be huge - and they were right.

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SAGAL: All of us, particularly our friends in Chicago, were excited to experience something called thunder snow for the first time. Thunder snow.

M: It's a thrill.

SAGAL: But now, thunder snow has been done, so the weather has to up its game. That opens the door to more hybrid weather. We're looking forward to hurriquakes.

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SAGAL: The dreaded tornadicane.

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SAGAL: Did you guys experience the weather this week, or did you get out of it?

M: Well, in L.A., it dropped to 50.

SAGAL: Heavens for fend.

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M: And I heard it got in the 40s, but I don't go out below 50.

SAGAL: I understand.

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M: That was enough for us.

SAGAL: You're just barricaded inside the house, laying in supplies.

M: Waiting for one of those hurriquakes to hit.

SAGAL: Yep.

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SAGAL: Let's move on. Your last quote: a football player known for his brutal hits.

KASELL: I don't want to hurt nobody. I just want to tackle them softly. And if y'all can, lay a pillow down so they don't hit the ground too hard.

SAGAL: That was a man named James Harrison, talking about the gentle way he wants to play what big game this weekend?

M: The Super Bowl.

SAGAL: The Super Bowl, yes.

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SAGAL: This year's big game comes at the end of a season in which the NFL professed to be finally concerned about roughness and injuries in the field. So, as you heard, this game will have all the violence and blood of a game of Candyland.

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SAGAL: Candyland played by monstrous, steroidal men crazed with bloodlust.

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SAGAL: Oh my God, Joe, I think you just snapped Princess Peppermint's femur.

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SAGAL: Are you guys excited about the game?

M: I'm obsessed with the hair this time.

SAGAL: Well, the hair is amazing.

M: The only thing I can figure is that these guys are so secure in their masculinity that they can just do whatever they want.

M: I think that, you know, just looking at football players, once you hit 6-foot-5, 300 pounds of solid muscle, the term "secure in your manhood" never really comes up.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's true.

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M: Yeah.

M: You're pretty safe on that one.

M: Sure.

SAGAL: Yeah, you're talking like, Polamalu - what's his name?

M: Yeah.

SAGAL: He could like, do it in pigtails, and nobody is going to say a damn word.

M: Oh, he could French braid his hair.

SAGAL: Yeah.

M: Yeah.

M: And that'd be OK. Yeah, yeah.

M: If you're a quarterback, you're like, those are really nice braids, Troy. Could you not hit me?

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SAGAL: One of the cool things about the Super Bowl is the team nicknames. You know, the Packers and the Steelers were both named in an era, not for animals or concepts, but for, you know, what people did, the tough jobs that made those cities special back in the day. And it would be great if they enforced that rule today. We'd be cheering on teams like the Portland Baristas.

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SAGAL: The New York Hedge Fund Managers.

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M: The Vegas Hookers. Oh, but Vegas doesn't have one.

SAGAL: No.

M: A team. They should get one, yeah. Well it's legal there, right?

SAGAL: Yes.

M: Yeah.

SAGAL: The Vegas Perfectly Innocent Escorts.

M: Yes.

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SAGAL: Carl, how did LaWanda do on our quiz?

M: How'd I do?

SAGAL: How'd she do?

KASELL: LaWanda, congratulations, you were perfect. Three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

M: Woo, thank you so much.

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SAGAL: Well done, LaWanda. Thank you so much for playing, LaWanda.

M: Wonderful, bye.

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