Courtesy of Chuck E. Cheese
In the depths of breakup-induced despair, even a trip to Chuck E. Cheese won't cure what ails you. You need songs that understand.
In the depths of breakup-induced despair, even a trip to Chuck E. Cheese won't cure what ails you. You need songs that understand. Courtesy of Chuck E. Cheese
These little five-track playlists can be shockingly difficult to compile: How do you narrow down just five road songs, or love songs, or work songs, or jazz songs? It's so subjective, so fraught with over-thinking, so in need of painstaking research, archive-mining, and what the kids these days call "crowd-sourcing."
Picking five relatively new and utterly devastating breakup songs, however, involved opening my iTunes and sorting by play count. It was tempting to merely string together the Top 5 and call it a day: Bon Iver's "Skinny Love," 101 plays, check; Laura Gibson's "This Is Not the End," 100 plays, check; and so on. Instead, I did about three minutes of curation, decided Cee Lo Green's "F— You" was too obvious, and then called it a day.
So here they are, just in time for the clown-show of the heart that is Valentine's Day: five bitter pills to swallow as you pick through the charred ruins of your life, deface your cherished mementos, and use the absorbent exterior of a Chipotle burrito to soak up your tears.
This is, of course, but a tiny sampling of the bleak breakup music at your disposal: For heaven's sake, not one of these songs even predates 2006. So please, do your fellow heartsick haters a solid and recommend more essential breakup music — Noah and the Whale's The First Days of Spring! Blood on the Tracks! Practically everything by The Mendoza Line! — in the comments section below.