Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Don't eat your gavel; How your iPhone keep you from getting iPhat; A scan of a different stripe.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

I: how to get out of dancing with someone you don't like. That's at howtodoeverthing.org.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JUSTIN HUDEC: Hi, this is Justin Hudec from Portland, Oregon.

: Hey, how are things in great PDX?

HUDEC: PDX is great. A couple days of sunshine and now it's raining again.

: There you go. Just to let you know what you're missing. What do you do there?

HUDEC: I work at a local college, George Fox University.

: You work? That's unusual.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HUDEC: For Portland it is.

: Yes, I know. Justin, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell, is going to read you three news-related limericks. The last word or phrase will be missing each time. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

HUDEC: I am

: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, Host:

I'm a judge who can pack a mean punch. Of paroles, I've denied a whole bunch. Oh, go cry in your hanky, I'm hungry and cranky, 'cause court times go right through my?

HUDEC: Lunch.

: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

: If you end up a prisoner and you're up for parole, you'd better hope your judge had a big breakfast. According to a Columbia University study, judges do not grant parole when they are hungry. The 1,000 hearings studied, 65 percent of the prisoners were granted parole in the morning, but that number dropped to nearly zero as lunchtime approached. After lunch, it went back up to 65 percent again.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: So if your hearing is scheduled long after breakfast, you'd better hire a lawyer from the firm of Pringles, Pringles and Funyons.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: LLC.

: Exactly.

HUDEC: Right.

: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: My app has food mavens on salary. They take note of my lunch photo gallery. Whether deep-fried or stewed, I take pics of my food then hit send and they count every?

HUDEC: Calorie.

: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

: Thanks to MealSnap, you can now take a picture of your lunch and get quantifiable numeric proof that the meal you're about to eat is going to kill you.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: This amazing app is here to prevent you and those around you from making terrible food decisions, and to make you the most annoying neurotic person at the dinner table.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: Actually, one of the producers at WAIT WAIT got this on his iPhone and he pointed at me and he took my picture and he submitted it. And it took it about ten minutes of like, thinking, and then it finally said, "not food."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Telling zebras apart is a hard road and I'm making mistakes by the car load. So I got this device that keeps track of their stripes and just scans them like they are a?

HUDEC: Download.

: No, not quite. Not quite.

HUDEC: Shoot.

: Well try again. Let's hear this limerick again.

HUDEC: Yeah, one more time.

KASELL: Telling zebras apart is a hard road and I'm making mistakes by the car load. So I got this device that keeps track of their stripes and just scans them like they are a?

HUDEC: Bar, bar.

: Like you're in the store and you scan.

HUDEC: Barcode.

: Barcode, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

: Animal biologists are finally taking commercial advantage of zebra stripes with a new program called StripeCode. It's sort of a giant barcode scanner for wild zebras. Once and individual zebra's stripe code is in the system, you just run it by the scanner and boom, you're like, yep, that's Eric.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: Eric the zebra. It's particularly useful when trying to track migration patterns among zebras or when the line is shorter at the self-checkout.

CHARLIE PIERCE: The hard thing is getting the zebra up on the conveyor belt.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Yeah.

: It's tough.

BURBANK: Yeah.

: And the self-checkout's like, unexpected mammal in the bagging area.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: Your item is thrashing.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

: Carl, how did Justin do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, Justin wins our prize, Peter, because he had three correct answers.

: Well done, Justin.

HUDEC: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

: Thanks so much for playing.

HUDEC: Thank you.

: Bye-bye.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
Support comes from: