Who's Carl This Time? Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: Bad Credit? No Problem!; My Big Fat British Wedding; and iSpy.
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Who's Carl This Time?

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Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

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Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: Bad Credit? No Problem!; My Big Fat British Wedding; and iSpy.

CARL KASELL, Host:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Joseph Meyeroff Symphony Hall in Baltimore, Maryland, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you, Baltimore. Listen, everything we learned about your city of Baltimore, we learned from John Waters' movies.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And we came anyway.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But in our time here, we have been surprised at the lack of insane gun- toting drag queens, five-foot-high beehive hairdos and Pia Zadora banging on bongos. Guess we haven't been going to the right bars.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, John Waters himself will be stopping by our show later to give us some tourism tips while here in Baltimore. But first, it's time for you to give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924- 8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

LINH PHAM: Hello, my name is Linh Pham from Beaverton, Oregon.

SAGAL: Hey Linh, how are things in Beaverton?

PHAM: For once, sunny.

SAGAL: Oh really?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PHAM: Yes.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

PHAM: I am a network administrator and some of you may know me as the maintainer of the WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME! stats page.

SAGAL: Oh my gosh, that's you.

MO ROCCA: Oh no, wow.

AMY DICKINSON: He's our guy.

SAGAL: I need to let the audience know, that they don't know about this, you have stats of every show we've ever done, including winners, losers and point accumulations. This website is very useful for anybody who likes to play fantasy WAIT WAIT.

ROCCA: Fantasy WAIT WAIT. I was wondering if we have that.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Linh, and thank you for your work. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a writer for HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, Mr. Adam Felber is here.

PHAM: Hey Adam.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ADAM FELBER: Hello, how are you?

SAGAL: Next, say hello to the Amy you ask when you "Ask Amy." It's Amy Dickinson.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PHAM: Hello.

DICKINSON: Hi.

SAGAL: And the correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and the host of Foodography on the Cooking Channel, Mr. Mo Rocca is here.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PHAM: Hello, Mo.

ROCCA: Hi, Linh.

SAGAL: So you ready to play, Linh?

PHAM: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: Here you are. You're going to play Who's Carl This Time. Carl is going to start us off with three quotations from the week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain just two of them. I think you know that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do it two times out of three, you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your home voicemail. Ready to go?

PHAM: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first quote.

KASELL: Bust, flat broke, insolvent, belly-up, ruined, potless.

SAGAL: That was Frank Kane, writing for the website The National after the company Standard and Poor's decided that who might not be as creditworthy as they used to be? Who is almost belly-up, ruined and potless?

PHAM: I think that might be the United States of America.

SAGAL: Indeed, it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Standard and Poor's didn't actually say the U.S. was a bad investment, they said it might be soon. They moved the country's future outlook from, quote, "stable" to "negative."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We went from being the world's sole remaining superpower to the country that asked to crash in Canada's basement until we could get it together.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And now Canada wants its futon back.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What? I thought we were friends, man.

FELBER: Look, man...

DICKINSON: Come on.

SAGAL: Look, I just think it's time for you to get a continent of your own, okay?

FELBER: It's just a couple more weeks, man.

SAGAL: You're not going to use all that health care, are you?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, if we do default on our debt, they saw we'll become a third world country, instantly. Big crisis. But what's wrong with that? Why not embrace that? A third world United States would finally get interested in soccer.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: That's right.

FELBER: That's true.

SAGAL: We could enjoy the thrills of bringing your livestock onto public transportation.

DICKINSON: Right.

SAGAL: I've always wanted to do that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: We'll all be...

SAGAL: And best of all, if we were a third world country, maybe Nike would finally consider building a factory here.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: There you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's not an economic apocalypse, it's a jobs program.

FELBER: It's an opportunity.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I know when I walk out the door in the morning I'm always disappointed not to see chickens in the street.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Linh, is your next quote.

KASELL: The heart-shaped donut signifies the love between them, and it is filled with jelly to represent how their lives will be ever-filled with happiness.

SAGAL: That was a statement from Dunkin Donuts. They're so proud. They made a new donut to commemorate what big event next week?

PHAM: The royal wedding.

SAGAL: The royal wedding, oh, it's so exciting.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All that pageantry and glamour of a fairytale come true. The commoner plucked from obscurity to become princess. There's going to be wall to wall coverage all week. This one, so far, isn't generating the kind of excitement that we had with Prince Charles and Diana. It's supposed to draw an audience of one billion people worldwide, but half of that will be confused cats wondering why their lonely owners woke them up at 5 in the morning.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: And Dunkin Donuts has created a big donut for them?

SAGAL: Dunkin Donuts has a commemorative royal wedding donut.

FELBER: Interesting thing about both Dunkin Donuts and the royal family.

SAGAL: Yes.

FELBER: Both make surprisingly good coffee.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Just a little bit of trivia.

SAGAL: I did not know that.

ROCCA: Is that true?

FELBER: It's true.

SAGAL: Really?

FELBER: It's true.

SAGAL: The royal family, they're trying to figure out ways to draw men's interest in particular to this event. Including, they're thinking about putting really big chrome rims on Kate.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: All right, wait. How else could they - you're men, allegedly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: So how else - I'm just saying.

FELBER: Wow.

DICKINSON: How else could they draw your interest? Like maybe if the ladies in waiting weren't waiting.

SAGAL: No, this is how you do it: drinking game.

DICKINSON: Oh, I like it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You take a drink whenever the Archbishop of Canterbury messes up somebody's incredibly long title, right?

DICKINSON: Right.

SAGAL: And you chug a whole bottle if the prince beats his father's record and commits adultery before leaving the church.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: You know what?

FELBER: There's some opportunity in...

DICKINSON: Hey, I've been to Westminster. That aisle is really long.

SAGAL: Oh yeah.

DICKINSON: So, it could happen.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's just 400 yards of temptation.

ROCCA: Oh God, a slip 'n slide wedding dress train.

FELBER: Oh yeah.

ROCCA: That could be fun.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Linh, here is your last quote.

KASELL: Privacy is so 1997.

SAGAL: That was The Washington Post's Alexandra Petri responding to revelations that what device has been tracking our movements for months?

PHAM: The miraculous iPhone.

SAGAL: Indeed, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Your iPhone knows what you've been up to.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You ever get that feeling that somebody's following you and you turn around and there's nobody there? That's because it's in your pocket.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The call is coming from inside your pocket.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A news report came out this week, claiming that everybody's iPhone is tracking and recording their movements. Everybody got upset because they thought that Apple had finally revealed itself as evil, but Apple denied all this. They said, quote, "We've always been evil, you just never noticed because we've got cool ads."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I think this is good. I think it'll - I don't think it's a bad thing if people know that their behavior is being monitored. Maybe this will stop people from taking their iPhones out and using them at the urinal. This happens.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really?

ROCCA: Any man here can tell you, it happens. Do ladies do it when they sit down to do their little thing?

FELBER: Well they...

DICKINSON: Yeah, they do. And I got a letter about this for my advice column, like whether this was okay.

SAGAL: To do what specifically?

DICKINSON: Like to use your phone when you're in the loo.

ROCCA: Yeah.

FELBER: Apparently it's not okay with your phone.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And you were sitting there and you said, hang on a second, I'll write back.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'll write back in a minute, I've just got to take care of something here. iPhones have been doing this for a while, and people knew about it, but nobody freaked until this week. The reason, because they looked at the record of their movements on their iPhones, I mean their physical movements and realized how dull their lives are.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to my iPhone, for example, all I did for the last six months was walk from my couch to my iPad and then back to my couch.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I've taken care of that though, because I've been FedExing my iPhone to exotic locations.

SAGAL: There you are.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I now look like a much more worldly man than I was.

SAGAL: I know. Carl, how did Linh do on our quiz?

KASELL: He was perfect, Peter. Linh, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done, Linh.

PHAM: Yay.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PHAM: Thank you.

SAGAL: And I got to say, thank you, Linh, for being the Bill James of WAIT WAIT. You're an amazing guy. We appreciate it.

PHAM: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

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