Tonight and every night, hordes of keg-tapping sex-havers are congregating. They're bantering flirtatiously, talking about their nice cars and fulfilling jobs, and otherwise basking in the warm glow that so often bathes the wanted.
Tonight and every night, you were not invited.
Why would you be, really? Your misery is of the stripe that actually alienates company, and besides, having friends would just mean sharing what's left of the Pringles. So let them have their happy hours and baby showers and scrapbooking parties and company picnics! Between Halo 3 and staring vacantly into the middle distance, you've got a full plate. All you and your poor, pockmarked soul really need is a soundtrack — five songs to ensure that you and your stuffed animals will have a night to remember.
For more entries in this summer's weekly It's Time to Party: Summer Songs series, click here.