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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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Questions for the panel ... Puppy Goggles and Let There Be Light!

CARL KASELL, Host:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Peter Grosz, Paula Poundstone and Faith Salie. And here again is your host, at the War Memorial Opera House in San Francisco, Peter Sagal.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you everybody. In just a minute, Carl tries to escape from Rhymcatraz in the Listener Limerick Challenge.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you'd like to play, give us a call. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, Panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Faith, you shouldn't drive when you're drunk. You shouldn't dial up an ex when you're drunk. And now, some New York stores are cracking down on people who have been doing what while drunk?

M: Oh, buying puppies.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Drunk puppy buying no more.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So you've had a few too many and you're stumbling home past a pet store with these adorable puppies in the window. And having just peed on a fire hydrant yourself, you're thinking, hey, me and that little guy, we got a lot in common.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: New York pet stores have had enough of this. They're now turning down drunken customers. It's awful. People have been waking up hungover, next to this strange dog. And they're like, oh man, I can't even remember its breed.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Puppies don't like it either. They don't like this either. You know, they're saying, look pal, it was fun. We had our fun, but now I need you to talk me for a walk of shame.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: I don't have a lot of stones to throw on this one. I'll be honest with you.

SAGAL: Yeah.

M: I was drunk when I got my dog and I was drunk when I got my bunny.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: You haven't experienced shame until you've stood up in a meeting and had to say, "I drink, and I have a bunny."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: And then found out it was a Triple A meeting.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That's tough. That's hitting bottom.

M: That's shame.

SAGAL: Faith, the House this week tried, but failed, to keep the government from taking away America's what?

M: Hmm.

SAGAL: Let me give you a hint. First, they came for my reading lamp and I said nothing, because frankly, who's got the time to read anymore.

M: They came for my reading lamp. Then what would they come for? They'd come for my glasses.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: They'd come for my light bulbs?

SAGAL: They'd come for your light bulbs, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Incandescent light bulb.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

M: Oh, I thought they already did that.

SAGAL: No, this is what happened; I will explain. Back in 2007, a bipartisan majority in Congress, and President Bush, passed a law calling for a major increase in light bulb efficiency. It's only now that Republicans, including the guy who actually sponsored that bill, realized that the whole thing was a plot by President Obama to rob us of our freedom, using his Kenyan socialist time-traveling technology.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So they tried this week to repeal the law calling for light bulb standards. Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann weighed in. She said, quote, "The American people want less government intrusion into their lives, and that includes staying out of their personal light bulb choices," unquote.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Ms. Bachmann believes Americans should have perfect freedom to screw whatever they want, but only if we're talking about light bulbs.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: You know, when I lived in San Francisco, I was nearly killed by a light bulb once.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How?

M: I lived in a house over off of Fulton and our light bulb had never worked. So I took it out. We rented. And I took it out and it broke, because it was so old the glass part came off. And I tried to get it out, just the metal part, right? And I climbed up on a chair.

M: First, you washed your hands, so they were nice and clean and wet.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: I used a sponge, because it was hot.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: What am I, an idiot? No, I didn't do that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: No. And I wasn't sure if the light switch was on or off, which I thought was probably important. And I didn't know if it was on or off because the light bulb never worked. So finally, I took - and I had the new light bulbs ready to go in. This was back during the freedom days.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: God, I wish I could describe it to my children, the feeling. So I had the light bulb on the floor behind me. And I tried, I tried, I couldn't get it. I had some needle-nosed pliers, and I gingerly...

SAGAL: Oh.

M: I gingerly sort of twisted at the metal and it kept breaking and it kept breaking. And finally, I thought, well, you know, if it was going to get me, it would have gotten me by now, wouldn't it? And I jammed the needle-nosed pliers in.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: And I shot backwards off the chair.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

M: And landed on the new light bulb.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

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