Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Opening Panel Round

Our panelists answer questions about the week's news: A Big Bank Account.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, host: We want to remind everybody that they can join us here most weeks at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. For tickets and more information on our shows, including our upcoming show in Indianapolis on October 27th, you can go to wbez.org, or you can find a link at our website, waitwait.npr.org.

Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Jessi, it's not often we get excited about the arrival of a new bank in this country, the one that opened in Florida last week, though, was a cause for celebration. Finally, we have a safe and secure place to store our what?

JESSI KLEIN: Oh no. Our nest eggs.

SAGAL: No.

KLEIN: Our pets.

SAGAL: No.

KLEIN: Give me a hint.

SAGAL: Well, you know, what they say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime in the bank."

KLEIN: Fat.

SAGAL: Yes, it's a fat bank.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KLEIN: Oh, a fat bank. Oh, fat.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A fat bank.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh my god.

KLEIN: Oh, the fat bank opened.

SAGAL: Everybody dreams of having a flush bank account, unless, of course, you keep your savings at the Orlando Fat Bank. The so-called Liquid Gold Center opened Friday.

BRIAN BABYLON: Liquid Gold.

SAGAL: Liquid Gold. It allows patients of liposuction to store their removed fat for later plastic surgeries if necessary.

(SOUNDBITE OF BOOING)

SAGAL: What's wrong? I'm sorry. Do you hate capitalism? What's your problem?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I guess I just thought we already had a fat bank and it was called McDonald's.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Fat banks may encourage us to solve our financial crisis by switching to a currency based on something we've got in abundance.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Go back to the fat standard.

KLEIN: Yeah. Europe has the Euro, we have fat.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

KLEIN: How much fat are those?

SAGAL: Can you go to the fat bank and get change? Can I have two love handles or a butt please?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: So you come in and say okay, I want to make a deposit to puff up my lips or get a little what?

SAGAL: The idea is like let's say you have liposuction, right?

BABYLON: Yeah.

SAGAL: To remove fat from your unsightly fatty areas. Well, later on, depending on your needs, you might want to have a little fat injected into your lips.

BABYLON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Get that going. You know, and you'll need your own fat.

BABYLON: Appreciate it.

SAGAL: Yeah, you have to have someplace safe to keep that. You don't want to keep that under your mattress.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Trust me on that.

BABYLON: Been there.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I was just wondering, can you donate fat to another?

BABYLON: The fat gift card.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: I'd suddenly become generous beyond my wildest dreams.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

Copyright © 2011 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!