Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Panel Round Two

More questions for the panel ... The Few, The Proud, The Pretty-smelling; What Happens In The Deep Sea Stays In The Deep Sea.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, host: All right, panel, time to answer some more questions about this week's news. Jessi, Beyonce has one, Brittany Spears has one, Justin Bieber has one, and no, I do not mean a uterus.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: As of this week, the US Marine Corps has one too. What do they now all have in common?

JESSI KLEIN: Beyonce, Brittany, Bieber and the Marine Corps?

SAGAL: Uh-huh. Also, Michael Jordan had one for a while. Elizabeth Taylor had one. Trump has one.

KLEIN: A toupee.

SAGAL: No.

KLEIN: A bad attitude. Again, I honestly thought I knew the news when I came here. But I guess this wouldn't be the news.

SAGAL: Technically not.

KLEIN: Oh, a fragrance, a fragrance, a fragrance.

SAGAL: A fragrance, yes, it's a fragrance, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: The Marine Corps has one?

SAGAL: The Marine Corps has an official eau de cologne. So do you love the smell of napalm in the morning?

BRIAN BABYLON: Yes.

KLEIN: No.

SAGAL: No? Well, then how about the new US Marine Cologne? It's a, quote, "finely crafted fusion of sandalwood, cedar and citric spices," unquote. You can also get US Army perfume, but don't wear them both at the same time. Your pulse points will get into a bar fight.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Did my tax dollars pay for this?

SAGAL: No, this is part of a branding effort that the armed services are getting into to sort improve their brand recognition amongst the populous. These perfumes are attractive manly scents, but actual soldiers

BABYLON: What is a manly scent? What is an attractive manly scent? I'm curious about that.

SAGAL: You know, it's like musky, smelly.

BABYLON: Gun powdery.

SAGAL: Gun powdery. Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You don't want to wear them in combat because you don't want to be sneaking on, say, the Taliban, and all of the sudden have the other enemy fighters go

BABYLON: Like what is that? It smells like handsome men around here.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Exactly.

KLEIN: The enemy goes from being furious to aroused.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Brian, male deep sea squids can't see in the dark, and therefore they have trouble finding a mate. Luckily, according to a recent discovery by marine biologists working off the coast of California, those squid have worked out a solution. What is it?

BABYLON: Like secretion.

SAGAL: Well, it's more sort of their lifestyle choice, you could think of it as.

BABYLON: Oh they just - they're gay.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'll give it to you. They're sort of omnisexual. They mate with everything.

BABYLON: Like whatever, whatever.

SAGAL: Whatever.

BABYLON: Hey whatever. What is this, what is this, a coral reef? Whatever.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What is that, is that a tire?

BABYLON: Whatever. Get over here, you.

SAGAL: In the deep sea where deep sea squids live, it's pitch black and female deep sea squids look exactly like male deep sea squids. That's a problem for the boys. But rather than give up and live alone with a bunch of deep sea cats

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The male squids have a solution. They mate with any deep sea squid that swims by, regardless of gender, age or Facebook relationship status.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Of course, if you go on Facebook to check the squid's status, it's like not complicated at all, I just hump everything.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Matester.

BABYLON: Matester.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I like it.

BABYLON: Matester.

POUNDSTONE: I like it.

BABYLON: Yeah.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!