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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

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PETER SAGAL, host: Now, onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have sixty seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL, host: Faith Salie has the lead, Peter. She has four points. Tom Bodett has three. Maz Jobrani has two.

SAGAL: All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Maz, you are in third place, so you are up first.

MAZ JOBRANI: Great.

SAGAL: The clock will start with I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week the House approved a stopgap measure that would avert another government blank.

JOBRANI: Government stoppage.

SAGAL: Yeah, shutdown.

JOBRANI: Shutdown.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: NASA reported that the six ton falling blank had landed somewhere in the South Pacific.

JOBRANI: Asteroid. No, satellite, satellite, you know what I'm saying.

TOM BODETT: He said asteroid. He said asteroid.

JOBRANI: Satellite.

KASELL: He was on the right track.

SAGAL: You are so nice. All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Seven students in Long Island were arrested for taking part in a scheme to cheat on the blanks.

JOBRANI: SATs.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The schedule of Republican primaries was thrown into turmoil by the announcement that blank might move its primary earlier in the year.

JOBRANI: Iowa.

SAGAL: No, Florida. Candidate Herman Cain has announced, if elected, he will have fewer blanks than past presidents.

JOBRANI: Flights.

SAGAL: No, he'll have fewer balls, inaugural balls.

JOBRANI: Okay.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nancy Grace denied that she'd had

JOBRANI: That's one way to save money.

SAGAL: Nancy Grace denied that she's had a wardrobe malfunction while performing on the TV show blank.

JOBRANI: "Dancing with the Stars."

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: To compete with the iPad, this week blank unveiled the new Kindle Fire.

JOBRANI: Amazon.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Florida ice cream shop is getting complaints after one of the employees dressed as an ice cream cone was mistaken for blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

JOBRANI: Was mistaken for a robber.

SAGAL: No, a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

FAITH SALIE: Oh my god.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So you're walking down the street and you see a guy wearing a tall white hood on his head, waving to you from outside an ice cream shop. So of course you're like, Oh how nice, David Duke wants me to share an ice cream cone with him.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Maz do on our quiz?

KASELL: Maz had five correct answers, for ten more points. He now has twelve points and the lead.

SAGAL: Well done, Maz Jobrani. Well done.

JOBRANI: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. So Tom is up next. Here we go, Tom, fill in the blank. A Massachusetts man was charged Wednesday with plotting attacks on the Capitol and the blank.

BODETT: The Pentagon.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The surprise winner of last weekend's straw poll in Florida was blank.

BODETT: Herman Cain.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The trial of Conrad Murray, the doctor charged with blank's death, began in LA.

BODETT: Michael Jackson.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: To check for damage from August's earthquake, work crews began repelling down the blank.

BODETT: The Washington Monument.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A 77 year old retiree in Germany came to a Volkswagen dealer for a test drive and ended up blanking.

BODETT: He stole a car.

SAGAL: No, he hit all five cars in the showroom and he smashed the display window.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Really?

SAGAL: Guns n' Roses, the - yeah, that's what they say. Guns n' Roses, the Cure and Donna Summer are among the musicians nominated for induction into the blank.

BODETT: The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: When a witness in a Florida robbery trial fainted on the stand, another witness helped out by blanking.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BODETT: Giving her mouth to mouth resuscitation.

SAGAL: No, by removing her shoe and holding it under the witness' nose in an attempt to revive her.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: It must have been a family member.

SAGAL: Yes. When Falguni Patel fainted on the stand, one of her family members, yes, stepped right in and applied shoe to nose resuscitation.

SALIE: Oh god.

SAGAL: The method, also known as the Florsheimlich Manuever

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did the trick and Ms. Patel recovered.

JOBRANI: Hilarious.

SAGAL: Carl, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well Tom had five correct answers, for ten more points. He now has thirteen points, and Tom has taken the lead.

SAGAL: Well done. All right then.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How many then does Faith Salie need to win?

KASELL: Five correct answers.

SAGAL: All right, here we go, Faith, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. Because of the dangerous listeria outbreak, this week consumers were warned to discard any questionable blank.

SALIE: Cantaloupes.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Although they are still not allowed to drive, in Saudi Arabia women now have the right to blank.

SALIE: Vote.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to newly released census figures over 131 thousand same sex couples reported themselves as blank.

SALIE: Spouses, domestic partners.

SAGAL: Yeah, married. Married.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: Spouses.

SAGAL: This year's late season collapse of the blank baseball team may be the worst in sports history.

SALIE: The Red Sox.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An Oregon police description of a suspected bank robber says he blanks.

SALIE: Holds a gun.

SAGAL: No, looks like a pug dog.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because the Federal Trade Commission ruled its toning sneakers don't really reshape your backside, blank will have to pay out 25 million dollars.

SALIE: Reebok.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Arch West, the man credited with inventing the blank snack chips, died at age 97.

SALIE: Doritos.

SAGAL: Yes.

SALIE: He died of natural causes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It's true. As if they don't have enough problems, a Federal bureaucrat at the GSA building in Washington DC was injured this week by a blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SALIE: A falling deficit.

SAGAL: No, by an exploding toilet.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Authorities are investigating what caused the federal toilet to explode, but they issued a memo saying "Do not flush the toilets or use any domestic water." The parties in Washington responded as you might expect. The Democrats wanted a billion dollar program to help the toilets get over their anger, and the Republicans voted to invade the fourth floor ladies room.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, did Faith do well enough to win?

KASELL: She needed five correct answers. Faith has six correct answers. So, with sixteen points, Faith Salie is this week's champion.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done.

BODETT: Way to go.

SALIE: Thanks.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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