Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time?

Carl reads three quotes from the week's news: iRIP, Cain is Able, and What's Occupied.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

CARL KASELL, host: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, host: Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. We do have a great show for you today. We do. We have freshly minted Nobel Laureate Astrophysicist Adam Riess joining us later.

But first, we wanted to give a big WAIT WAIT welcome to Gary Knell. He's the new CEO of NPR. He came to us from Sesame Workshop. That's true. He did a good job there.

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SAGAL: It's going to be a tough transition for him. We're told, right away, in his first visit to HQ there was some difficultly when Mr. Knell tried to stick his hand up Steve Inskeep to make him talk.

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SAGAL: But you're no puppet. Give us a call, the number is 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

JASON DOCKLER: Hi, Peter. This is Jason Dockler from Tiburon, California.

SAGAL: Oh Tiburon, a beautiful place there in the bay.

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DOCKLER: Yes, it is.

SAGAL: It's gorgeous.

DOCKLER: Today, the rain has stopped and the sun is out shining and the Navy's Blue Angels have been practicing for this weekend's Fleet Week celebration.

SAGAL: Oh, it's Fleet Week in San Francisco.

DOCKLER: It is, in fact, yes.

SAGAL: Yes, that's a quiet peaceful time, I know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jason. Let me introduce you...

DOCKLER: Thank you.

SAGAL: ...to our panel this week. First, say hello to the man behind the amazingly successful Too Beautiful to Live podcast, Mr. Luke Burbank.

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LUKE BURBANK: Hey, Jason.

SAGAL: Next up, a comedienne performing at the Mardi Gras Casino in Hallandale, Florida on October 22nd, Ms. Paula Poundstone is here.

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PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey, Jason.

SAGAL: And lastly, the author most recently of "Don't Vote: It Just Encourages the Bastards," Mr. PJ O'Rourke.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PJ O'ROURKE: Hello, Jason.

SAGAL: Jason, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your home answering machine. Ready to go?

DOCKLER: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first quote.

KASELL: Magical, wonderful, pretty amazing, great, terrific, revolutionary, extraordinary, unbelievably great, wonderful, very nice, gorgeous.

SAGAL: Those were the very enthusiastic words of a man who introduced a new product last year. He died this week. Who was it?

DOCKLER: That was Steve Jobs.

SAGAL: It was Steve Jobs. Yes, he died.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The legacy of Steve Jobs is two decades of great consumer electronics, and millions of TV screens covered with fingerprints because kids now expect they can touch any screen they see.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it will start playing Angry Birds.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But Jobs had a reputation for both enthusiasm, as you heard, and for being very, very demanding in his career. Right now, we assume he's berating St. Paul for his poor design.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What's with this pearly stuff? Make them brushed aluminum. And please, let's not call them gates.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: A little piece of theology there, Peter, that's St. Peter.

SAGAL: Oh really?

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

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DOCKLER: St. Peter? St. Paul doesn't do that?

O'ROURKE: St. Paul doesn't do that. He has other duties.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: The thing is it's a union shop.

SAGAL: You know what...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Very specific duties.

POUNDSTONE: There have been cutbacks.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Now, apparently Paul is taking on more than one task.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anyway, Jobs came to an end before his time, much like a call placed on an iPhone.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BOOING)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's true though.

BURBANK: Part of me wanted to be offended by that joke, but part of me knew calling my friends to tell them how offended I was on my iPhone was not going to work.

SAGAL: I know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your next quote.

KASELL: I think "Hail to the Chief" needs a little bit fresher sound. It won't be hip hop, but I might put in some gospel beats.

SAGAL: That was a presidential candidate saying he'll take a fresh look at the president's theme song if elected. And this week, he actually jumped in front of some Republican polls. Who is it?

DOCKLER: Herman Cain.

SAGAL: Herman Cain. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It was Herman Cain.

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SAGAL: Mr. Cain, the former talk radio host and head of Godfather's Pizza is now leading Mitt Romney by as much as ten points in some state polls. This shows, first, that...

O'ROURKE: Well, you ever order pizza from Romney?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: So what happened to Perry? He just...

SAGAL: Well, Perry, as you may have heard, he came into the race about six weeks ago. You know, immediately rocketed to the front, became the frontrunner, and then he actually started speaking in venues where people could hear him.

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POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: And that caused a problem.

POUNDSTONE: And that tripped him up, yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: How late can someone get in? Because what seems to be the case here is that if people don't know them?

SAGAL: Right.

POUNDSTONE: Right. If they have...

BURBANK: They liked them.

POUNDSTONE: Right.

O'ROURKE: So it's like Republican candidates as first wives basically. Until you get to know them, they're great.

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POUNDSTONE: Apparently there's a lot of first wives in here.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Does Herm Cain have a lot of political experience before this or any political experience before this?

SAGAL: No. Briefly put, Herman Cain was a businessman. He rose up in the company that owned Godfather's Pizza, became its CEO.

BURBANK: It just seems so interesting that politics is like the only area where having zero experience in it is somehow a positive. Like, would you want like a heart surgeon who'd been working hanging drywall for the last, like, 20 years?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In other campaign news, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, after much flirtation, told the Republican Party he wasn't going to run after all. He also said, and this is true, that he did not mind fat jokes at his expensive, as long as they were funny.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right.

O'ROURKE: Okay, Panel.

BURBANK: What are you saying? Like his blood type is Ragu?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, I'm saying that.

BURBANK: You're saying like the Jordache pony on his jeans is real?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Are you saying like he eats biscuits like they're Tic Tacs?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I got a million. I didn't even know this was going to be a question. That's the disturbing part.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: Oh man, I tell you. You know, I so wanted Mitch Daniels because I wanted to be taller than the president. I wanted Chris Christie, you know as a fallback position, I'll be slimmer than the president, you know.

SAGAL: Right.

O'ROURKE: It's just...

POUNDSTONE: Well, it looks like you could still be brighter than the president.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Moving on. Here is your last quote.

KASELL: Oh, we're just here, like, you know, protesting what's going on. Everything, take your pick.

SAGAL: That was somebody quoted in the New York Observer. One of the increasing number of people who are protesting where?

DOCKLER: At Wall Street.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, Wall Street.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Occupy Wall Street movement started with less than a hundred guys, and it's grown to thousands in Lower Manhattan and across the country. And they're getting more press coverage. For example, NPR covered the fact that the police won't let the protestors use any amplification. So they use something they call a human megaphone. Listen.

PROTESTOR: My question is more pragmatic.

My question is more pragmatic.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PROTESTOR: Should we not just buy fabric?

Should we not just buy fabric?

And construct sleeping bags?

And construct sleeping bags?

SAGAL: So this is what they do, they shout it out to the rest of the crowd. It's like this huge game of telephone. By the time they were done, they had bought Patrick and used him to obstruct scrambled eggs.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: The kids today. Kids today, they need better drugs.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: They do.

SAGAL: Is that the problem?

O'ROURKE: That's the problem. I mean, come on, man. Look at the protests from my era.

SAGAL: Yeah.

O'ROURKE: Yeah, we knew how to throw a protest. They used to shoot us.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Did you see all those airline pilots who showed up?

SAGAL: No, I didn't see that.

BURBANK: There was, like, something like 500 airline pilots showed up in uniform and marched. And it was - I just saw photos of it. It was the most orderly protest I've ever seen. I was just imaging like how laconic it must have been. Like, "on your left side, you'll see the capitalist pigs."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: "This is what democracy looks like. We hope you enjoy your protest. Sit back and enjoy yourself."

SAGAL: Yes. Carl, how did Jason do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jason, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

DOCKLER: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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