Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Korva This Time?

Korva reads three quotes from the weeks news: Does Another One Bite The Dust?, Liar, Liar ... Pants On Fire, and Thank You Siri, May I Have Another.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

KORVA COLEMAN, host: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Korva Coleman, in for Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, host: Thank you, Korva.

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SAGAL: Thank you everybody. It's great to see you. It's great to be with you. We've got a great show for you today. Comedian Patton Oswalt is joining us later to play our game, excited about that. But you might notice that Carl is not here. Korva Coleman is filling in; great to see her. Carl is out protesting.

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SAGAL: He's become a leader in the movement called "Occupy Men's Warehouse."

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SAGAL: You'll see him, he's picketing in front. He's holding the sign that says I'm the 99 percent that doesn't like the way I look.

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SAGAL: And you guaranteed it.

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SAGAL: While he's getting his new blazer, we'll take your call. The number 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

MYLES WERNTZ: Hi, I'm Myles from Waco, Texas.

SAGAL: Texas, so you must be watching baseball this week. What do you think of the Rangers' chances?

WERNTZ: Oh gosh, I'm kind of torn. My wife is from Michigan.

SAGAL: Oh, I see.

WERNTZ: So, I know, I feel so divided about this, but go Rangers.

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SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Myles. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning," Mr. Mo Rocca is here.

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SAGAL: Also, the lead writer for Esquire.com's politics blog and the author most recently of "Idiot America," Mr. Charlie Pierce is here.

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CHARLIE PIERCE: Hey, Myles.

SAGAL: And finally, it's the woman behind the syndicated advice column "Ask Amy." I mean, it is Amy Dickinson.

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AMY DICKINSON: Hi, Myles.

WERNTZ: Hi, Amy.

SAGAL: Myles, you, of course, are going to play Who's Korva This Time. Korva, sitting in for Carl, is going to recreate in her own way, three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your home answering machine.

WERNTZ: Okay.

SAGAL: Ready to go?

WERNTZ: Ready.

SAGAL: All right. Now, your first quote comes from a man who was trying to make up for his poor performance in Tuesday night's Republican debate by giving a history lesson afterwards.

COLEMAN: "The reason we fought the revolution in the 16th century was to get away from that kind of onerous crown."

SAGAL: So that vision of the Founding Fathers rebelling against King Henry VIII...

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SAGAL: Came from what faltering candidate?

WERNTZ: I'm going to go with our very own Rick Perry.

SAGAL: You would be correct.

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SAGAL: So, did that mangling of American history end the Perry campaign? Or was it when he announced that he wanted America to be the place, quote, "where domestic energy needs to be produced from," end quote.

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SAGAL: Or maybe it was when...

PIERCE: In this ever changing world in which we live in, I might add.

SAGAL: There you go.

MO ROCCA: Gosh, oh my goodness, oh, Texas. Compared to George W. Bush, he's such a second Darren. I feel like he's a...

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SAGAL: Really?

ROCCA: I feel like he's the Dick Sargent to George W. Bush's Dick York.

SAGAL: You think basically they've tried to replace the actor playing the character without telling us.

ROCCA: Yes.

SAGAL: And we know, because this guy isn't as good.

ROCCA: Exactly, yeah.

SAGAL: Right.

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SAGAL: So, this is now the autumn of our discontent with Governor Perry, or if you like, Cain-tober.

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SAGAL: Because Herman Cain, as amazing as it may have seemed some time ago, is enjoying his second week as the frontrunner. He leads Mitt Romney in at least one national poll. Voters love Mr. Cain's kind of simple hypnotic 9-9-9- tax plan.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: His solution for reforming the tax code, fixing the economy and making poor German tourists stop in their tracks.

ROCCA: I know.

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ROCCA: That's known as going negative in German politics.

SAGAL: Yeah, yeah.

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SAGAL: I want to ask you guys about Herman Cain, because Herman Cain, people are now saying - I mean he just consistently - unlike the other guys, he's risen in the polls, but he has not yet collapsed, like Michele Bachmann did, or even Donald Trump did. So, can you guys explain the appeal of Herman Cain, a guy who's never held elective office of any kind?

DICKINSON: Well that's it.

SAGAL: That's it...

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PIERCE: Well, first of all, her certainly didn't get there on the strength of Godfather's Pizza because, wow, okay.

DICKINSON: Yeah, really.

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PIERCE: I mean, I, at one point, I was eating a Godfather's pizza and was halfway through the cardboard before I realized I was eating the cardboard.

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ROCCA: Is it really that bad? Is it that bad?

PIERCE: Oh, oh, my - oh, Mo, are you kidding me?

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PIERCE: It should say Michelin around the rim.

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SAGAL: Your next quote comes from a trial that took place in Detroit this week.

COLEMAN: Hey, dude, your pants are on fire.

SAGAL: That was heard in the testimony this week in the trail of the man known as what?

WERNTZ: The Underwear Bomber.

SAGAL: Yes, the Underwear Bomber.

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SAGAL: Very good, applause for the underwear bomber. Umar Abdulmutallab, known forever as the Underwear Bomber, decided to defend himself from charges of terrorism. He changed his mind and pled guilty after the first day of testimony this week, during which passengers on that flight to Detroit last Christmas told of how he first put a blanket over his head then he tried to ignite what looked like the adult diaper he was wearing.

This caused another passenger to shout what we hope will become an immortal phrase in annals of law enforcement.

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SAGAL: Cop catches a bad guy, and he doesn't say, you know, you're under arrest. He says, "Dude, your pants are on fire."

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SAGAL: Instead of blowing up the plane, he just set himself on fire and struck a blow against his own genitals.

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SAGAL: He had to sit, pantsless and in some discomfort in first class for the duration of the flight.

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SAGAL: So here's a tip for everybody looking for a free upgrade.

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ROCCA: When he was a little kid, I wonder if other kids teased him and said, "Terrorist, terrorist, pants on fire."

SAGAL: Yeah.

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PIERCE: Well, you know, back in the days when you could smoke on airplanes, the warning before landing began with "please extinguish all smoking devices." They may have to bring that back.

SAGAL: That's true.

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SAGAL: There have been some changes in air travel because of this. One of the reasons we have those scanners now instead of just the metal detectors. And it's also why, on planes now, they have that little glowing icon of a pair of burning pants with a line through it.

PIERCE: Oh geez.

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ROCCA: I remember when hot pants were just things you wore to roller skate.

SAGAL: Yeah.

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SAGAL: Myles, here is your last quote.

COLEMAN: It feels like magic.

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SAGAL: That was "New York Times" tech columnist David Pogue. He was getting pretty excited about a new device that went on sale Friday this week, after much anticipation. What?

WERNTZ: The new iPhone.

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SAGAL: Yes, the new iPhone.

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SAGAL: People were disappointed in the new iPhone 4S because it wasn't called the iPhone 5, basically. And Herman Cain wanted an iPhone 9-9-9.

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SAGAL: But then people began using it and they found out that their lifelong dream, a phone that would at least pretend to love them back, had come true. The phone comes with an automated assistant called Siri. We assume it's called that because they stuffed a real live person named Siri into each phone. She'll do whatever you want, but be nice to her; she knows your internet browser history and your wife's email address.

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DICKINSON: So is it always a woman, always called - I mean, can you change it?

SAGAL: No, apparently you can change it.

DICKINSON: I'm not picturing that well.

SAGAL: The problem is like when it's set on male and you ask it to find you directions, it's like, "No, I know."

DICKINSON: I know, right, right, right.

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DICKINSON: I'm not going to tell you, right.

SAGAL: And you're like, no, seriously, get directions.

DICKINSON: No, no.

SAGAL: It's like, "no, I know the way. Just go this way."

DICKINSON: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No.

PIERCE: And if you...

SAGAL: I recommend using the female voice, much more helpful.

PIERCE: And by the way, if you use the male thing in the iPhone, it will put itself down in the living room and lose itself.

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SAGAL: Now here's the thing about Siri is that it's not just intelligent, it actually learns about you. It gets to know you. It anticipates your needs. So I've been using my new phone for a while. I got one in advance. Well, let me demonstrate to you how it works. Siri, what's the weather like outside.

SIRI: You know, you could just open the damn window.

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SAGAL: Thanks. You know, I really enjoy, Siri, the fact that you have such a vivid personality.

SIRI: At least one of us does.

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SAGAL: So we'll try this again and we'll show the people how you're supposed to work. Could you make me a reservation, Siri, at a nice restaurant?

SIRI: I assume that's for one?

SAGAL: No, Siri, this would be for two.

SIRI: Let me check with my friend e-Harmony.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, you don't need to do that. I am capable of finding my own date.

SIRI: And yet, you are not capable of making your own (bleep) reservation.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right.

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SAGAL: I can tell, I can tell, Siri, you're a little testy, but I appreciate you taking the time to talk to us.

SIRI: Whatever gets me out of your pant's pocket, Peter.

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SAGAL: Thank you, Siri. Talk to you later. Technology.

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SAGAL: So, Korva, how did Myles do on our quiz?

COLEMAN: Well, Peter, he is a real scholar. Myles got three correct answers and wins our prize. Congratulations.

WERNTZ: Yay.

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SAGAL: Thank you, Myles.

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