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Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Not a Lady Doctor, the Latest Bar Garb, and Deflation.

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PETER SAGAL, host: Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org; there you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and on the road.

You can also check out the latest "How to do Everything" podcast from the producers of WAIT WAIT. This week: how your pants can save your life. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

ALISSA PERLMAN: Hi, this is Alissa Perlman calling from Alexandria, Virginia.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Alexandria?

PERLMAN: They are good.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

PERLMAN: I am a contractor for the Department of Homeland Security.

SAGAL: Really?

PERLMAN: Yes.

SAGAL: The vast security apparatus. What do you do there?

PERLMAN: Nuclear detection whatnot.

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, whatnot.

SAGAL: You're in the Department of Nuclear Detection Whatnot?

PERLMAN: Yes, exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I think that's another...

CHARLIE PIERCE: It's a promotion.

SAGAL: Is that down the office from Proliferation Howdy Do?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm so glad you're so precise in that business. Well, welcome to the show, Alissa. Korva Coleman, sitting in for Carl, is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to go?

PERLMAN: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

KORVA COLEMAN, host: In this drink that it not for you hens, the calorie count's less than ten. With this batch that we brewed, we are starting a feud, 'cause our soda is strictly for?

PERLMAN: Men.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Soda strictly for men.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The ads for Dr. Pepper Ten explicitly state it's not for women, so don't even ask.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Dr. Pepper Ten, it tastes and sweeter and, thus, manlier than regular diet soda.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because it contains both real sugar and mashed up footballs.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It will also come with a gun to shoot it open.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Of course, if they really wanted it to appeal to men, they should just rename Dr. Pepper, Nurse Pepper and make the cans bigger.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: That's very good.

DICKINSON: You know, I think this is great because men don't get enough stuff. You know what I'm saying?

SAGAL: Really?

DICKINSON: Yeah. They need more.

MO ROCCA: I don't like that protein bar, the Luna Bar, because it says it's for women.

SAGAL: And you...

ROCCA: And I like it. I like eating it.

DICKINSON: But you know what?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But it offends you that it says it's for women.

DICKINSON: I would go out...

ROCCA: It does. Every time I pick it up, I say are you saying there's something wrong me? I mean, like I want to eat this bar.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

COLEMAN: More carousing and I will be sunk, so this jacket I'll keep in my trunk. It's smelling my breath for high-octane death. My jacket can tell if I'm?

PERLMAN: Drunk.

SAGAL: Yes, drunk.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes, a New Zealand engineer has developed a jacket that has a built-in breathalyzer in it. You blow into a little tube in the sleeve. If it lights up, you're drunk. Also, if you felt the need to buy this jacket, you're drunk.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: With it, Peter, you can buy a pair of pants that can walk a straight line all by themselves.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

COLEMAN: I'm light-headed and ready to swoon as I puff for this party at noon. Young girls and young boys can't inflate latex toys. The government's banned the?

PERLMAN: You know what; I forgot to listen to the first part.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really? Can I...

PIERCE: She was working on the neutron doohickey.

PERLMAN: You know what this always happens to me.

SAGAL: What were you doing?

PERLMAN: I listen to you guys on a podcast while I'm doing my job.

SAGAL: Yeah.

PIERCE: Oh that makes me feel great.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PERLMAN: So sometimes I tune out a little bit and it never, you know, bothered me before.

PIERCE: Oh god, I'm down in the silo listening to "Not my Job."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on. Wait a minute, so you're telling me normally you listen to the show on the podcast and you're doing other things. And now you're actually on the radio playing a game and you're like, oh, they're just reading the limericks, I'll just check the email, you know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because that's what you normally do. All right, let's hear that limerick again. Now, pay attention.

PERLMAN: Okay.

SAGAL: This counts.

COLEMAN: I'm light-headed and ready to swoon as I puff for this party at noon. Young girls and young boys can't inflate latex toys. The government's banned the?

PERLMAN: Balloon.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Banned the balloon.

PERLMAN: Can they do that?

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, according to new rules in the European Union, children in Europe under the age of eight will no longer be able to blow up balloons without adult supervision because balloons are dangerous. Instead of blowing, they might suck and swallow the balloon. Says one EU official, and this is a real quote, "you might say that small children have been blowing up balloons for generations, but not anymore," unquote.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: This is, of course, compared to the Euro which both blows up and sucks.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's true.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This is also true, they also banned the use of those party blowers, you know the ones that go - when you blow them.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

SAGAL: They banned them because they're dangerous because you could hit somebody when it flips out.

DICKINSON: No, come on.

SAGAL: You know what I think? I think the EU tried to have a birthday party when it was ten and nobody came.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Korva, how did Alissa do on our quiz?

COLEMAN: Well, Peter, Alissa got all three answers correct. She wins our prize: Carl's voice on her voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

PERLMAN: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

PERLMAN: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

PERLMAN: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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