Limericks

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Carl reads three news-related limericks: The Tooth Fairy auctions her Beatles souvenirs; a healthy way to eat gold and the perils of youth marbling.

PETER SAGAL, host: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the blank. But first, it is the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and check out the latest "How to do Everything" podcast from the producers of WAIT WAIT. This week: how to keep Halloween pumpkins looking wrinkle free without costly gourd botox.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JON WOOD: Hi, how's it going, Peter?

SAGAL: Not too bad, not too bad. Who's this?

WOOD: This is Jon in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Tulsa?

WOOD: Well, they were kind of wet and gross today, but the weather's been good other than that.

SAGAL: That's good. What do you do there?

WOOD: I scoop dog poop.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do you really?

WOOD: I do, I do, I get...

SAGAL: You say that with such pride and joy.

WOOD: It's an enjoyable profession, what can I say.

SAGAL: Is it really? Is it happy work?

WOOD: I like, you know, I enjoy interacting with the dogs. And it gives me a chance to be outside and enjoy the weather when it's nice.

SAGAL: Yes.

TOM BODETT: How do you get paid for that?

WOOD: Well, most of my clients are once a week. I go out and pick up what the dogs leave off and then they pay me.

BODETT: Oh, I see. It's a yard by yard thing. It's like you don't just like walk around town picking up...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

WOOD: No.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jon. Now, Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

WOOD: Sounds good.

SAGAL: All right, let's hear that first limerick.

CARL KASELL, host: When the Beatle was still in his youth, his chompers spit out chunks of truth. And his message lives on in this molar of John, so we'll auction off Lennon's old?

WOOD: Tooth.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Money can't buy you love, but it can buy you a 50-year-old tooth. Omega Auction House in England is auctioning off one of John Lennon's back molars, taken out by a dentist back in the 60s. This is both exciting for fans and also just gross.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We're not sure what you do with a molar after you buy it, but it might look great on the mantel next to your collection of authentic Keith Richards' kidney stones.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Whether food is served hot or ice cold, on its richness the eye must be sold. This paint will provide us a meal fit for Midas. I've covered our entrée with?

WOOD: Gold.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Burned your toast? No problem, just make it glitter like gold. Food Finish spray is an edible spray paint that you can use to gild your food to make it look more expensive.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Plus, it's completely healthy, with all natural ingredients like ethyl alcohol, artificial flavorings, E943a and E943b.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Actually, you know, the kids would love it.

SAGAL: Oh, absolutely.

BODETT: You know, that old saying there's no blue food.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: You know, if they came out with blue, you could have blue food. What are we having tonight? Why do you care, boys, it's blue.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Our knees are torn, noses are runny. Yet marbles is serious, not funny. When the cops come, we're scrambling. They don't like us gambling. Indeed, we play marbles for?

WOOD: Money.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to police in Plymouth, England, scores of bored young ruffians, tired of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, have resorted to playing marbles. And they're running up gambling debts on their marble games so high they have to steal from their parents and neighbors to pay each other off. Say, parents, there's a way to tell if your teen is a marble fiend. Check his knickers to see if the knees are all shiny.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: That sounds like a crazy episode of, like, "The Little Rascals."

SAGAL: I know, exactly.

BABYLON: Who plays marbles anymore?

SAGAL: Except Darla is, like, breaking into houses and trying to...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know, she was trying to hock the gold, and it turns out it was just broccoli that got spray painted. It's worth nothing.

BABYLON: Yeah. Alfalfa, yeah, that's nuts. People still play marbles?

SAGAL: Apparently they do in Plymouth, England.

BABYLON: For money, wow.

SAGAL: And they're running into gambling debts. Carl, how did Jon do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jon had a great game, Peter. Jon, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

WOOD: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Jon.

WOOD: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

WOOD: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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