Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: What Men Want, Cafe con Carne, and the Moon in Moonlight Sonata.

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PETER SAGAL, host: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org, there you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and check out the "How to do everything" podcast from the producers of WAIT WAIT. This week: how to look slightly less disgusting while eating ribs.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

ELLEN STOBAUGH: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

STOBAUGH: My name's Ellen Stobaugh.

SAGAL: Hey Ellen, how are you?

STOBAUGH: I'm good, how are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Where are you calling from?

STOBAUGH: San Tan Valley, Arizona.

SAGAL: San Tan Valley?

STOBAUGH: Yes, sir.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

STOBAUGH: I work at a middle school as a sign language interpreter.

SAGAL: Really?

STOBAUGH: Uh-huh. I work with one student, yeah. And then I help out in the classroom with the other kids.

SAGAL: Oh, sure. Now, I'm sure you and the kid have a good relationship, the...

STOBAUGH: Yeah, it's the fourth year I've been with her. So it's real fun working with a teenager.

SAGAL: I've wondered this, and I can ask you. So it's one kid and that's who you work with. You interpret for her so she can participate in the classroom.

STOBAUGH: Right.

SAGAL: Do you two ever get bored and just start talking to each other about what's going on in the room?

STOBAUGH: Oh, yes.

SAGAL: Really?

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SAGAL: Do you ever say oh, don't bother listening, it's just the same old lecture as yesterday. What do you want to talk about?

STOBAUGH: Well, no, I mean I'm not that bad. You know, if it's something important, then I'll make her pay attention.

SAGAL: Do you gossip about the other people in the room, knowing that they don't know that you're doing it?

STOBAUGH: Yeah.

SAGAL: Oh yes.

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(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, Ellen, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell, of course, is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of them, you will be a winner. Here's your first limerick.

STOBAUGH: Okay.

CARL KASELL: Statistical research befuddles what we footballers do in our huddles. It turns out that men need a hug now and then. More than women, we men need some?

STOBAUGH: Cuddles?

SAGAL: Yes, cuddles, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to researchers from the University of Sex and the City.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Some actual university out there. Men are more into cuddling than women. In fact, a third of British women say they, quote, "can't bear it." Seventy-seven percent of women admit to engaging in what's called the hug and roll...

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SAGAL: Wherein they cuddle their partner until he falls asleep and they immediately roll over. While this seems mean, the hug and roll, it's nicer than what some men report experiencing, the hug and run screaming.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: I hate that brown sludge brewed in Turkey. But I still need that jolt to feel perky. Instead of the drip, I will chew on this strip. I will get my caffeine from beef?

STOBAUGH: Jerky.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Scientists at an army lab - very good - have created a new beef jerky stick that contains as much caffeine as a cup of coffee to, quote, "give even the sleepiest soldier that up and at em boost." So always on the cutting edge, Starbucks will soon release the Frothy Beefachino.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: It's probably really hard to catch those cows that have all that caffeine.

SAGAL: I know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You got to be a hell of a cowboy to catch that cow.

SAGAL: They also have a product, a sort of fortified applesauce they're calling Zapplesauce, to give to what they call war fighters, the guys who are out there in the field. And they say that, you know, they want this product to look and seem like applesauce so they'll want to eat it, because the generals just don't have time to make airplane noises and get them to open up for the applesauce.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Toddlers love it.

SAGAL: Zapplesauce. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Colonoscopy comes with no flowchart. So I put on my headphones and go smart. To the great magic flute, I'll probe someone's chute. I perform at my best, hearing?

STOBAUGH: Oh, I don't know.

SAGAL: The Magic Flute.

STOBAUGH: Flute, flute, no.

SAGAL: No, I think you've already won, so I will give it to you. It is, in fact, Mozart.

STOBAUGH: Mozart, oh.

SAGAL: Mozart. Scientists say that listening to Mozart helps surgeons perform better colonoscopies. Apparently it has something to do with improving their ability to navigate spatial patterns.

STOBAUGH: I'll find out on the 29th.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well. If that's the case, may I suggest bringing along some of Mozart's more famous compositions? For example, La Colon Di Figuro.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And Eine Kleine Buttmusik.

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PETER GROSZ: What were colonoscopies like before Mozart?

SAGAL: It was terrible.

GROSZ: They must have been so difficult.

SAGAL: It was hard.

POUNDSTONE: What's the date again?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

STOBAUGH: The 29th.

SAGAL: You want to call and check in with her?

POUNDSTONE: I just would like to give a thought to her that day.

SAGAL: All right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

STOBAUGH: Okay.

SAGAL: Carl, how did Ellen do on our quiz?

KASELL: Ellen had two correct answers, Peter. So Ellen, I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

STOBAUGH: Well thank you. Thank you so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you.

STOBAUGH: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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