Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time?

Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: Rick's Last Stand; To All the Girls I've Groped Before; and So Long, Silvio!

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CARL KASELL, host: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL: Thank you, Carl.

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SAGAL: Thank you everyone. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. We have a great show for you today. We got Seth MacFarlane, the creator of "Family Guy" to come on and play our games.

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SAGAL: That's exciting. But first, I want to tell you about a miracle, really. We heard last weekend about this asteroid that was going to come really close to the earth. So naturally we assumed we'd all be killed and we didn't bother writing a show.

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SAGAL: But then the miracle happened. Not the fact that the asteroid missed us. The miracle was that at the last minute, the Republican candidates for president wrote the show for us.

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SAGAL: God bless us every one.

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SAGAL: So we're going to be thankful. We've got to get going. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

MEGAN MCGINN: Hi, this is Megan McGinn in Louisville, Kentucky.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Louisville?

MCGINN: Fantastic.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

MCGINN: I work in the property management, but I mostly work from home, so I can stay home with my baby.

SAGAL: Oh, how old is your baby?

MCGINN: She will be one next week.

SAGAL: And I'm sure, as you're sitting there trying to do your work, she is like, it's cool, mom, I'll hang out over here until you're ready, right?

MCGINN: Totally.

SAGAL: Absolutely.

MCGINN: She's really good at spreadsheets.

SAGAL: I bet.

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SAGAL: Megan, let me introduce you our panel this week. First, say hello to a humorist and an author, who'll be featured in the November 21st podcast of "The Moth," it's Mr. Tom Bodett.

TOM BODETT: Hi, Megan.

MCGINN: Hello.

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SAGAL: Next, it's a syndicated columnist for the Chicago Tribune, and the author of the memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville," Ms. Amy Dickinson.

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MCGINN: Hi, Amy.

AMY DICKINSON: Hi, Meg.

SAGAL: Finally, it's the lead writer of Esquire's "Daily Politics" blog and the author of the book, "Idiot America," Mr. Charlie Pierce.

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CHARLIE PIERCE: Hi, Megan.

MCGINN: Hello.

SAGAL: All right, now you're going to play Who's Carl This Time, Megan. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotes from the week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you will win our prize: Carl's voice on your home answering machine. You ready to go?

MCGINN: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first quote.

KASELL: Three agencies of the government when I get there are gone.

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KASELL: Commerce, Education and the - uh, what, what's the third one here?

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KASELL: Uh, let's see - the third one, I can't, sorry. Oops.

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SAGAL: Well done, Carl. I think all of us felt we were dying inside.

BODETT: Yeah.

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BODETT: That was so good I'm still cringing.

SAGAL: Yeah. That oops may be the last word heard from a presidential campaign. Who was the contender speaking at the debate on Wednesday night?

MCGINN: Rick Perry.

SAGAL: Yes.

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SAGAL: Remember when we were making fun of Rick Perry for acting drunk while making a speech? Well, this is what he's like when he's sober.

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SAGAL: Watching him at the debate on Wednesday, try to explain what government departments he wanted to eliminate was like watching one of those casino implosions, and it took about as long. He hemmed and he hawed and he stared for about a minute, banging his head with his fist to make it work.

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SAGAL: It was the most memorable debate moment since Lloyd Bentsen's famous line, "I knew Jack Kennedy, and you sir are no - oh, oh, what was that guy's name again?"

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BODETT: You know, I should be the last one to pile on somebody with a...

PIERCE: But you won't be.

SAGAL: Yeah.

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BODETT: ...with a brain freeze. But, really, I mean but I'm not running for president.

SAGAL: No.

BODETT: At some point, our president is going to be on the red phone with China or something and he'll say, okay, I need you to stand down your nuclear arms, I need you to withdraw your troops from the border and, uh...

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BODETT: And, uh - oh god darn it. What is it you put in that moo shu pork? I just love that. I love that stuff.

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SAGAL: No, to be fair, a little while later during the debate, he remembered what the third department was. He blurted out, "It's Commerce, Education and Bashful. I always forget Bashful."

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DICKINSON: But didn't you love how the other candidates tried to help him.

SAGAL: They did.

DICKINSON: It was so...

PIERCE: Yeah, but the problem is the other seven didn't know what they wanted to get rid of either.

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SAGAL: Bachmann was like: is it the Ministry of Magic?

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SAGAL: Now right after the debate - I love this - the Perry campaign sent out a fundraising email. They pointed out that, quote, "everybody makes mistakes" and it just goes to show that, quote, "there are too many federal agencies." That's right, there are so many federal agencies they can't all fit in Rick Perry's brain.

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SAGAL: There were suggestions, the next time Perry should write the names of the three agencies on his hand like Sarah Palin did. Perry says he considered this, but he only has two hands. How was he supposed to...

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SAGAL: So what happens now? Well, the pundit consensus is that Perry is now the political equivalent of a Zombie. He just sort of shambles and eats but he isn't really alive. And he tried being a zombie, when he tried to moan, he got...

PIERCE: He's certainly looking for brains.

BODETT: Yeah.

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BODETT: Yeah, you got there first.

SAGAL: Well, very good Megan. Here is your next quote.

KASELL: For every one person that comes forward with a false accusation, there are probably thousands who will say that none of that sort of activity ever came from Herman Cain.

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SAGAL: That was somebody using a statistical analysis method to defend Herman Cain. Who insists there are thousands of women out there Herman Cain could have sexually harassed but did not?

MCGINN: Can I have a hint?

SAGAL: Well, here's a hint. Herman Cain likes to talk about himself in the third person.

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MCGINN: Herman Cain.

SAGAL: Yes, it was Herman Cain, actually who said that.

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SAGAL: At a press conference that Mr. Cain called to deny all the charges of sexual harassment, he said he couldn't remember doing anything wrong, including all the things he hasn't been accused of yet but is somehow certain he will be.

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SAGAL: Then, at the debate on Wednesday, as you heard, he said basically out of all the women he's met only a paltry four or five have gone public with accusations of sexual harassment.

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BODETT: I would like to point - I mean, he does say there's thousands of women who, you know, he has not harassed. You know, there's billions of women I have not harassed.

SAGAL: Yeah.

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BODETT: You know, I'm just saying.

SAGAL: That you met.

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SAGAL: Rick Perry's campaign put out a statement saying that at least Rick Perry would never be accused of sexual harassment because every time he tried, he kept forgetting where to put his hand.

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SAGAL: All right, here is your last quote.

KASELL: I'm-a getting out to mind my own-a bleeping business. I'm-a leaving this bleeping country, of which I am sickened.

PIERCE: Oh, Carl.

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SAGAL: That was a world leader speaking privately a while ago about his desire to quite leading his country. He made good on that this week by offering to resign at last. Who was it?

MCGINN: Berlusconi.

SAGAL: Yes, Berlusconi, well done.

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SAGAL: Now, here at WAIT WAIT, for years now Berlusconi has been our favorite world leader for his Bunga Bunga parties.

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SAGAL: With young women not his wife, or I guess not his wives, for not letting the dignity of his office, or human decency get in his way. But in the end, Italy's financial crisis did him in. After years and years of moral bankruptcy, he was brought down by actual bankruptcy.

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SAGAL: Berlusconi has now said he will resign as soon as Italy passes austerity measures. Among the sacrifices he's asked Italians to make, he's asked women to give up their blouses, just in the name of patriotism.

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PIERCE: Herman Cain will be looking for a running mate at some point, I'm just pointing this out.

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SAGAL: Carl, how did Megan do on our quiz?

KASELL: Megan was perfect, Peter. Megan, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

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SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Megan.

MCGINN: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

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