Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Bluff The Listener

Our panelists tell us three stories of a sign your boyfriend is bad news, only one of which is true.

Copyright © 2011 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

CARL KASELL, HOST:

From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Maz Jobrani, and Jessi Klein. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME! Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-Wait-Wait to play our game on the air.

LORRAINE HOFHEINZ: Hi, this is Lorraine Hofheinz from Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

SAGAL: Fort Lauderdale, great place down there in south Florida. What do you do there?

HOFHEINZ: I work at Vantage Motor Works, which is world famous for sales and restorations of Rolls Royce and Bentleys.

SAGAL: Oh really?

HOFHEINZ: Yes.

SAGAL: So you're selling really expensive cars to really rich people.

HOFHEINZ: Yes, very.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Can I get your number?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What is it like to work exclusively with a customer base that's rich enough to buy Rolls Royces? Are they nice?

HOFHEINZ: Yes, I have to say a majority of our people are really nice.

SAGAL: Really? Because I would have guessed unless you're a complete jerk, they won't sell you a Rolls Royce. I mean, obviously, you don't deserve it.

HOFHEINZ: No. No, we'll sell them to anybody.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really? You don't have to be a jerk, all right. Well, welcome to our show, Lorraine. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Carl, what is Lorraine's topic?

KASELL: Hit the road, Jack. And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So, love is hard. Knowing what to do is love is harder. Is the guy you're with Mr. Right or merely just as right as you're ever going to get? Well, this week we heard about a new way to know for sure.

Each of our panelists is going to tell you about a new boyfriend disqualifier. Something we saw on the news this week, and if you see your boyfriend express any enthusiasm for one of these things, dump him immediately. Your job is to pick the true story. You'll win Carl's voice on your home voicemail if you do. You ready to play?

HOFHEINZ: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right, first let's hear from Maz Jobrani.

MAZ JOBRANI: It's the holidays and you're getting ready to send out your Christmas card with a picture of you and your girlfriend. All seems well, except you notice at the last minute that your girl neglected to pluck the hair on her chin for the picture and looks like a fledgling recruit for al Qaeda.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Do you A: call her into the room and point out here scruffy jawline? B: ignore the hairy protrusion and send out the card? Or C: go to Santini's Photo Store in Manhattan where they're offering 50 percent off on Photoshopping your girlfriend? That's right, Gino Santini, owner of the store, says the idea came to him last year when he was sending out his own Christmas card.

"I look at the photo and notice my girlfriend had put on some weight. I call her into the room and tell her hey, look here, you look fat."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: "We're not dating anymore."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: After that debacle, Santini felt it was his duty to help other men not go down the path he had. "This is the perfect gift to give to your lady. That way you scan say honey, you eat whatever you like, I'm going to fix it in post."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Photoshopping your girlfriend to make her more attractive.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A service you can get in New York. Your next story of a lame boyfriend detector comes from Jessi Klein.

JESSI KLEIN: There's a reason that they're called your privates. Women especially have never been fond of a man who likes to kiss and tell. Now we have to worry about men who kiss and tweet, as there is a new iPhone called "I just made love." Available for download on iTunes, this app allows you to immediately tell the world all the details of your latest conquest, even before the person you've conquested has a chance to catch a breath.

You can tell the world who you've just been with, what positions were involved, whether it was, quote, indoors or outdoors, and whatever other lascivious details you feel like sharing, that no one on the face of this earth wants to hear.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Conversely, you can look at the love map to see where other shameless people are doing intensely private things.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: In short, it's kind of like Foursquare for the beast with two backs.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: While the app is called I just made love, it seems like the developers will soon have to create a follow-up called "I just got dumped."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I just made love, an app for immediately bragging about your sexual conquests. And your last story of a relationship warning sign comes from Paula Poundstone.

POUNDSTONE: This newest piece of tech magic "sounds good to me headphones," take noise-cancelling headphones one discriminatory step further. They can now be set to cancel out the frequencies of the female voice. Surely many a guy has conceived of such an item without having the technology skills to make his dream come true.

In this case, however, perhaps the technology nerd who made it a reality didn't have enough experience in the field to be aware of the pitfalls.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: "The problem," says dismayed consumer Cameron Barrett, "I found while watching a football game is that when I heard my girlfriend in the kitchen and yelled in for her to get me a beer, she realized that I could hear, I just couldn't hear her. Then when she saw the features listed on the box they came in, she found another way for me to avoid the sound of her voice. She left."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You'd think they'd come up with a better warning. They bother mentioning not to eat the silicone pouch it's packed with, but they don't even mention that when they're ripped off your head really quickly, it can hurt your ears.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. So here are your choices: let's assume you're a young woman hoping for the best with a guy in your life. Well, you might find that guy either, from Maz Jobrani, having your image photoshopped to look better, from a service in New York City; from Jessi Klein, bragging about your latest night of passion together, using a new iPhone app just for that purpose; or from Paula Poundstone, wearing headphones designed to carefully cut out the sound of your voice alone.

Which of these is the real story of a bad thing for a boyfriend to do, in the news this week?

HOFHEINZ: Wow, they're all good reasons to dump somebody.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I would agree.

HOFHEINZ: I'm always wanting to look younger and thinner in pictures, so the photoshop sounds like a good idea.

SAGAL: Okay, you'd be for that, all right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HOFHEINZ: But the headphones for your girlfriend's voice, oh that's just really mean. I'm going to go with the tweeting after you've made love.

SAGAL: You're going to go with the tweeting, the iPhone app that Jessi described, I just made love it's called. That's your choice.

HOFHEINZ: Yeah.

SAGAL: All right, well that's your choice. We actually were pleased enough to speak to the person responsible for this.

SIPRIAN CHISHKAYVEETCH: I just made love is available everywhere where all have a great time and make love.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That was Siprian Chishkayveetch. He's the creator of the "I just made love" app, and he will be spending the rest of his life alone.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You, however, picked the correct answer. It was, in fact, Jessi Klein. You have won our prize; you will win Carl's voice on your voicemail. Congratulations.

HOFHEINZ: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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