Limericks

Carl reads three limericks about the big stories from the UK this year: An Abduction, A Tasteless Story, and The Best Excuse Ever.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. And once again, we're playing with a member of our studio audience. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our next contestant.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Hi, what's your name?

LOU MIDELL: My name is Lou Midell. I'm from Chicago.

SAGAL: Oh really?

MIDELL: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: What do you do here in Chicago?

MIDELL: I'm a draft designer.

SAGAL: Oh really?

MIDELL: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: Do you do like books and posters and that sort of thing?

MIDELL: Packaging mostly.

SAGAL: Really?

MIDELL: Yes.

SAGAL: Have you ever, like, said let's take this package, instead of making it a rectangle, we'll make it a rhombus, we'll make it a...

MIDELL: I did that this week.

SAGAL: Did you really?

MIDELL: I did, I really did.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

MIDELL: Yes.

SAGAL: Because I was joking. You actually made a rhomboid package?

MIDELL: Yes, yes. We're working out the details.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show. Now, what we are going to do is we are going to play our, of course, our Listener Limerick Challenge. This time we're going to pay homage to that source of some of the best news we get all year and that is, of course, Great Britain.

Carl is going to perform for you three limericks, each about a news story from Britain this year, with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. Your job, of course, finish that limerick two times out of three. Do that, you'll win our prize. Ready to go?

MIDELL: Yes.

SAGAL: Absolutely. Here we go. Here is your first British news limerick.

CARL KASELL, HOST:

My abduction has me taking stock. A whole hour - poof, gone - what a shock. It is ET's attack. Oh wait, we fell back and I didn't turn back my?

MIDELL: Clock.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Of the thousands of classified documents related to UFOs and the search for them in Britain that were released this year by the British government, our favorite one was about the guy who called up the government and said that he had been abducted by aliens, and he knew because when he woke up it was an hour later than it was supposed to be.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And he couldn't account for the hour. It turns out that it had changed to Daylight Savings Time. He then said, yes, but what about that huge glowing object in the sky? And they said, sir, it's day.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next British limerick.

KASELL: This yeast extract, I hold my jar tight, 'cause my taste for it might cause a bar fight. Now a truckload has spilled and I feel quite ill, 'cause they've lost 20 tons of good?

MIDELL: Can I have a clue?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well let's hear it one more time. This is a tough one, it pertains to a British product.

KASELL: This yeast extract, I hold my jar tight, 'cause my taste for it might cause a bar fight. Now a truckload has spilled and I feel quite ill, 'cause they've lost 20 tons of good?

MIDELL: Ale.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We've moved into free verse. No, actually, it's a tough one. The answer is Marmite. You ever heard of Marmite?

MIDELL: No, I haven't.

SAGAL: You've never heard of Marmite? Well, it's this sort of strange food that British people like to eat. It's made of yeast extract. And the taste was once described to me as chocolate-flavored death.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But the Brits love it. And what happened was 23 tons of this stuff was spilled on a British highway this year in South Yorkshire. They say that the truck lost control and crashed. But what happened was the truck got a taste of it and then vomited all over the road.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nick, have you ever had Marmite?

NICK HANCOCK: I don't like it. I don't like it.

SAGAL: Really?

HANCOCK: Yeah, it's one of those that splits people down the middle. Well...

SAGAL: Is that its effect on you, you eat it and it splits you down the middle?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HANCOCK: Both literally - yeah, both literally...

SAGAL: That's terrible.

HANCOCK: ...and metaphorically. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAGAL: Really.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You'd think that would keep people away from it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

HANCOCK: Yeah.

SAGAL: This is not a problem because you have one more British themed limerick to do. Let's hear it.

KASELL: My carriage ride's taking its course, then the constable stops me by force. Sure I'm drunk off my head, but for running a red, I am blaming my color blind?

MIDELL: Horse.

SAGAL: Yes, your colorblind horse is the answer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This summer in South Yorkshire, a British man was arrested for running a red light in his horse cart, right. And when they said to him well what happened, are you drunk? He said no, the reason that I ran the red light is my horse is colorblind.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He clearly had thought the light was green. He didn't know it had turned red. Police were skeptical until they noticed that the horse's socks did not match.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did our guest do on the show?

KASELL: Lou had two correct answers, Peter, and that's good enough to win our prize. Congratulations, Lou.

SAGAL: Well done, Lou. Very well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

MIDELL: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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