Limericks

  • Playlist
  • Download
  • Embed
    Embed <iframe src="http://www.npr.org/player/embed/144819559/144819548" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no">
  • Transcript

Carl reads three news-related limericks: A Macho Crustacean; Geezer Suits; Good Things Come to Sassy Kids

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Salt Lake City at Abravenal Hall on February 16th. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

GINA WADE: Hi, Peter. This is Gina from Huron, Tennessee.

SAGAL: Huron, Tennessee, now I don't know that place. Where is that?

WADE: It is in the middle of nowhere, between Memphis and Nashville, off I-40.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

ADAM FELBER: I-40, the Music Highway.

WADE: Exactly, exactly. I am a stay at home mom with two wonderful boys.

SAGAL: Wonderful boys. Isn't that hard being at home with two boys?

WADE: It is sometimes, but I've learned to adjust to, you know, Star Wars and karate.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

AMY DICKINSON: You know, it helps, really, if you get drunk at around...

WADE: Right.

DICKINSON: Right when they get home from school.

WADE: It does. It does. Just a little red wine...

SAGAL: Said the professional advice columnist.

DICKINSON: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Right.

SAGAL: Anyway, welcome to the show, Gina.

WADE: Thank you. Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner.

WADE: Okay.

SAGAL: Ready to go?

WADE: I am, I am.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, HOST:

I'm a crab that's above all the rest. I look great in a small sweater vest. Although you may scoff, I am named for the Hoff 'cause, like him, I have hair on my?

WADE: Chest.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Scientists, that's right, scientists found a new species of crab recently. Its distinguishing feature? It's a hairy chest. So naturally, they nicknamed it the Haselhoff crab after David Haselhoff.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: These crabs also, just by coincidence, run in sexy slow motion and have talking cars.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It should be noted that the crabs, found in volcanic vents in the ocean floor, use the hairs to cultivate bacteria, which they then eat up, just like David Haselhoff does with his.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: How are their backs?

SAGAL: Probably hairy.

Hairy? Yeah, we don't like that. That's why they have to live in volcanoes.

FELBER: That's what makes those crabs unsexy.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Otherwise...

DICKINSON: Otherwise...

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

WADE: Okay.

KASELL: To see what my future might hold, this suit keeps my body controlled. Now my limbs won't extend and my spine's got a bend. It shows what it's like to be?

SAGAL: The bent spine, stiff limbs.

WADE: Old.

SAGAL: Yes, old.

WADE: Old.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This is a case...

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...of a bluff story on WAIT WAIT some years ago actually coming true. A new suit, developed at MIT, will give young people an idea of what it's like to be an old person. The sleeves make your arms stiff. A helmet makes your spine curve uncomfortably. Glasses make small print hard to read. Also, the pants make you incapable of figuring out your new computer.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

WADE: Okay.

KASELL: I'm a teen, but my mouth is not slack. Career wise, I'm on a hot track. Whenever I sass I move up in my class. I'm ahead when I learn to talk?

WADE: Back.

SAGAL: Right, back.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A new study, published in the journal Child Development, claims that those teenagers who talk back are actually showing signs of independent thinking, the first step towards becoming a creative and successful adult. The idea is that instead of just saying, "just shut up and do what I say," you should engage them in conversation. Let them present their point, take them seriously.

DICKINSON: Oh, do they...

FELBER: This study was so obviously written by a bunch of kids.

DICKINSON: I know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Exactly, exactly.

SAGAL: Funny, it was published...

FELBER: It's right next to - right alongside that study about having candy for dinner would be so good for you.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And how watching TV while you do homework actually helps you academically.

FELBER: Lot of really sound studies coming out these days.

SAGAL: It was published on My Little Pony stationary, now that you mention it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: In Highlights magazine.

SAGAL: Yeah.

FELBER: And the little conclusion just reads "yuh-huh."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

FELBER: In summation.

DICKINSON: Yuh-huh.

SAGAL: Carl, how did Gina do on our quiz?

KASELL: Gina, you aced it. You had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

WADE: Yay. Thank you.

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing, Gina.

WADE: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

WADE: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

Copyright © 2012 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.