Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Love and Roaches; AyePhones; Aloof Aliens.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and check out the latest "How to do Everything" podcast. This week: how not to look like an idiot at a Super Bowl party this weekend.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

SARAH SMITH: Hi, Peter. This is Sarah Smith. I'm calling from Seattle, Washington.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Seattle?

SMITH: Well, I actually got to wear my sunglasses a couple of times this week, so things are going pretty well.

SAGAL: That's exciting. Why did you wear them? Did you get a black eye?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SMITH: Well, you know, one time it was actually legitimate sun and the other time it was just kind of peeking through, so I took the opportunity.

SAGAL: I assume when it comes out you all react like vampires. Like, ahhh.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell, of course, is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job: complete it two times out of three. Do that and you win our prize. Ready to go?

SMITH: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here you go. Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: As Valentine's Day does approach, don't get her a flower or brooch. No, true love speaks best through small household pests. Give her name to a species of?

SMITH: Roach.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SMITH: Ew.

SAGAL: Roach. For a small donation this Valentine's Day, the Bronx Zoo will allow you to name one of their 58,000 hissing cockroaches after your sweetie. Because nothing says romance or I had no idea what to get you for Valentine's Day like an insanely repulsive four-inch long bug that hisses.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How do you pick which cockroach you'll name for her? Oh, that one reminds me of you, the way you make my skin crawl. We'll do that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here we go. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: The voice recognition's not shot. You sound like your tongue's tied in knots. Siri's nae built for men sporting kilts. Our phone can't make sense of a?

SMITH: Can you repeat it?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Come on, that accent was so authentic.

SMITH: Scot.

SAGAL: Scot, yes.

FAITH SALIE: Yes.

SAGAL: A Scot, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SMITH: Got it.

SAGAL: Gary Oldman himself couldn't have done better. The LA Times reports that Siri, who is that helpful woman stuffed inside every new iPhone, cannot understand a Scottish brogue. You know, so all the people in Scotland are going "where is the restaurant?" And they're getting nothing. So they're getting mad, as Scots do, and they're painting their faces blue.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And they're shouting, "You'll never take our freedom."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And Siri's like, would you like some Edam? Do you want cheese?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it just makes them madder. It's a terrible situation. All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Down here we're the top notch mammalians, but out there it looks like we're failien. So spaceships give earth an extra wide berth. We're being avoided by?

SMITH: Aliens.

SAGAL: Right, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: One Florida scientist has advanced a theory that ET aliens are out there; they're just not answering our calls. They're ignoring us. That's why we haven't seen them. Seriously, if your phone went off, right, and the caller ID said "The Human Race," would you pick up? No.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We are going right to the alien voicemail, according to this theory. It's hard enough to...

CHARLIE PIERCE: We're like intergalactic spam.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or that annoying neighbor you never want to hear from, and that's us. It's hard not to be insulted by this. So if any advanced races are listening to this, as they get our signal out in space, give us a try. We're obedient and/or delicious.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Sarah do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well she had three correct answers, Peter, so Sarah, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

SMITH: Great.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

SMITH: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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