Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!


Carl reads three news-related limericks: Love and Roaches; AyePhones; Aloof Aliens.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.


Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and check out the latest "How to do Everything" podcast. This week: how not to look like an idiot at a Super Bowl party this weekend.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

SARAH SMITH: Hi, Peter. This is Sarah Smith. I'm calling from Seattle, Washington.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Seattle?

SMITH: Well, I actually got to wear my sunglasses a couple of times this week, so things are going pretty well.

SAGAL: That's exciting. Why did you wear them? Did you get a black eye?


SMITH: Well, you know, one time it was actually legitimate sun and the other time it was just kind of peeking through, so I took the opportunity.

SAGAL: I assume when it comes out you all react like vampires. Like, ahhh.


SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell, of course, is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job: complete it two times out of three. Do that and you win our prize. Ready to go?

SMITH: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here you go. Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: As Valentine's Day does approach, don't get her a flower or brooch. No, true love speaks best through small household pests. Give her name to a species of?

SMITH: Roach.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.




SAGAL: Roach. For a small donation this Valentine's Day, the Bronx Zoo will allow you to name one of their 58,000 hissing cockroaches after your sweetie. Because nothing says romance or I had no idea what to get you for Valentine's Day like an insanely repulsive four-inch long bug that hisses.


SAGAL: How do you pick which cockroach you'll name for her? Oh, that one reminds me of you, the way you make my skin crawl. We'll do that.


SAGAL: Here we go. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: The voice recognition's not shot. You sound like your tongue's tied in knots. Siri's nae built for men sporting kilts. Our phone can't make sense of a?

SMITH: Can you repeat it?


SAGAL: Come on, that accent was so authentic.

SMITH: Scot.

SAGAL: Scot, yes.


SAGAL: A Scot, very good.



SMITH: Got it.

SAGAL: Gary Oldman himself couldn't have done better. The LA Times reports that Siri, who is that helpful woman stuffed inside every new iPhone, cannot understand a Scottish brogue. You know, so all the people in Scotland are going "where is the restaurant?" And they're getting nothing. So they're getting mad, as Scots do, and they're painting their faces blue.


SAGAL: And they're shouting, "You'll never take our freedom."


SAGAL: And Siri's like, would you like some Edam? Do you want cheese?


SAGAL: And it just makes them madder. It's a terrible situation. All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Down here we're the top notch mammalians, but out there it looks like we're failien. So spaceships give earth an extra wide berth. We're being avoided by?

SMITH: Aliens.

SAGAL: Right, yes.



SAGAL: One Florida scientist has advanced a theory that ET aliens are out there; they're just not answering our calls. They're ignoring us. That's why we haven't seen them. Seriously, if your phone went off, right, and the caller ID said "The Human Race," would you pick up? No.


SAGAL: We are going right to the alien voicemail, according to this theory. It's hard enough to...

CHARLIE PIERCE: We're like intergalactic spam.

SAGAL: Exactly.


SAGAL: Or that annoying neighbor you never want to hear from, and that's us. It's hard not to be insulted by this. So if any advanced races are listening to this, as they get our signal out in space, give us a try. We're obedient and/or delicious.


SAGAL: Carl, how did Sarah do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well she had three correct answers, Peter, so Sarah, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

SMITH: Great.


SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

SMITH: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.


Copyright © 2012 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.



Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!