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Who's Carl This Time?
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Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?

Who's Carl This Time?
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Carl reads three quotes from the week's news: The Never-ending Story, Presidential Promises, and Protecting the Passer.

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you so much.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you. We've got a great show for you today. We got Grammy-winning jazz vocalist Kurt Elling. He'll be here with us later.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes, that's exciting. Especially, he's going answer every question entirely in song. But first, it's Valentine's Day next, and so for this show only, a special offer, we're offering a special prize. Not just Carl's voice on your voicemail, but Carl's seductive voice on your voicemail.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KASELL: This is Carl Kasell.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KASELL: Bob isn't here right now, but Carl is.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: He's pining for you, so give us a call.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

TRICIA BOULET: Hey, Peter. This is Tricia and I live in Dorchester, Massachusetts.

SAGAL: Dorchester.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BOULET: Yep.

SAGAL: How are things in Dorchester?

BOULET: They're pretty fine, thanks.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

BOULET: I waitress which is fun, being a hobby of a novice flameworker and I'm doing a life coach training program.

SAGAL: I'm sorry, a novice what?

BOULET: Flameworker, it's I make glass beads and buttons in a stationary torch.

SAGAL: And you call this flameworking?

BOULET: I don't call it that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BOULET: It's called that.

SAGAL: I'm sorry. It's not your choice. It's not like you're sitting there going, I shall call this flameworking.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BOULET: It's hard.

SAGAL: Well welcome to the show.

BOULET: Thanks.

SAGAL: Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to one of them women behind the Washington Post's Reliable Source column, it's Ms. Roxanne Roberts.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Hi, Tricia.

BOULET: Hi, Roxanne.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

KASELL: And an author and humorist, who will be appearing on the Moth Mainstage in New York City on March 16th, Mr. Tom Bodett.

TOM BODETT: Hi, Tricia.

BOULET: Hey Tom.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And a comedienne performing March 2nd at the Theater at Westbury in Westbury, New York, Ms. Paula Poundstone.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey Tricia.

BOULET: Hi Paula.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So, Tricia, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell will now read you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that: you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

BOULET: Yes.

SAGAL: All right, let's do it. Your first quote is from prominent conservative pundit Eric Erickson. He's finally announcing which candidate he's backing.

KASELL: I would honestly prefer the Sweet Meteor of Death.

SAGAL: Mr. Erickson would prefer the sweet, sweet release of global annihilation.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: To any member of what group of people?

BOULET: Democrats?

SAGAL: No.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Well, probably.

SAGAL: I'll give you a hint. Mr. Erickson is a conservative and he's very disappointed.

BOULET: Not a Republican.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BOULET: You said conservative.

SAGAL: Yeah, it is in fact the Republican presidential candidates. Just when you thought it was all over, when Mitt Romney was ready to strap the nomination to top of his car and drive...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...to the White House, Rick Santorum won three states on Tuesday, even though Missouri was a nonbinding primary and Minnesota has a long history of just messing with our heads.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: I don't dislike Romney, I just find, as apparently most of the GOP party, there's just nothing to kind of love about him. You know? He's just sort of - he's like porridge.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Porridge?

ROBERTS: Yeah. You know I don't object to it in principle, but I'm not attracted to it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, as you can think about it, the global annihilating meteor has advantages as a president. I mean it would destroy everything. But one of the things it would destroy would be wasteful government spending, so it appeals to Republicans.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Seeing the success of the meteor's campaign, Mitt Romney all of a sudden promised that he, too, would cover the earth with darkness for a millennium.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tricia, here is your next quote.

KASELL: I deserve a second term but we're not done.

SAGAL: Who says he deserves to be reelected because of all the things he has failed to do during his first term?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BOULET: That's got to be President Obama.

SAGAL: Yes, it would be President Barack Obama. Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Obama did an interview before the Super Bowl, where he pointed out that he has done a lot but he didn't do enough, so we should reelect him so he can do more of the stuff he hasn't done yet.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The President is running for reelection like a contractor who promised you a great job but he's blown all his deadlines, you know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's like, well, you know, if you want those marble countertops in this country of yours done right, you got to be patient. His campaign slogan will be "Obama, hey, we're still waiting for some parts."

BODETT: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: No, it's more like, you know, "Obama, we have your deposit."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tricia, you're doing well. Here is your last quote.

KASELL: You have to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball. My husband cannot bleeping throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That was very good.

KASELL: Thank you.

SAGAL: I appreciate, Carl, especially the way you put on lingerie to do that quote. It was excellent.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tricia, that was supermodel Giselle Bundchen, expressing her disappointment with her husband's team at what big event last week?

BOULET: That was Super Bowl Sunday.

SAGAL: Super Bowl Sunday, yeah, the Super Bowl.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Ms. Bundchen, the Brazilian supermodel is, of course, married to the Patriots' quarter Tom Brady, who last weekend managed to once again lost a Super Bowl to Giants' quarterback Eli Manning, who is not nearly as good looking at Tom Brady and not nearly as married to a supermodel.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, Ms. Bundchen's feelings were understandable, it's her husband, you know. But can you imagine if your wife was chased by paparazzi, who provoked her into insulting your colleagues? It'd be like: It was ridiculous, he cannot bleeping do the PowerPoint presentation and change the toner cartridge at the same time.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I don't understand why she was criticized for that. Now, if my wife was the quarterback of the New England Patriots...

SAGAL: Which I've met your wife, she's capable of doing that.

BODETT: I would be a different man, admittedly.

SAGAL: I understand.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: And that happened to her, I mean I wouldn't be bleeping, I'll tell you that. I would be bleeping mad.

SAGAL: She was.

BODETT: Yes. I mean you just, you defend your mate.

SAGAL: What would you do? I know but by throwing your mate's teammates under the bus? That was the problem.

BODETT: Absolutely.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The big story out of the Super Bowl was the ads. The most controversial was this ad for Chrysler. Did you see it? It had Clint Eastwood saying it was halftime in America. And Republicans say this was a veiled payback to President Obama. Does everything have to be political? I mean was the ad with the exploding vampires a critique of Wall Street?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Was the halftime show with Madonna a convoluted but effective argument to maintain Medicare?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean...

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Paula, you look puzzled. Did you not see the Super Bowl?

POUNDSTONE: I didn't. I...

BODETT: You're the one.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I guess I was. And I can't understand being, like looking forward to seeing a commercial.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: These are really good commercials though, in general.

POUNDSTONE: I don't care how good they are, there is no commercial that I would get - like, you know, somebody will yell "It's on" and then I would run into the other room.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Would you do it if the Three Stooges were in a commercial?

POUNDSTONE: The Stooges would never have sunk so low.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I don't think that - I'm sorry; the sentence was just expounded on our stage. The Three Stooges would never sink so low.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I can't understand. A lot of places where I went the following days after the Super Bowl and it would come up in conversation, just, you know, the grocery store or something with the checker. And they'd say, oh, did you see the Super Bowl? And I said no, I don't watch the Super Bowl. And they'd go, "Not the commercials?" Like, no.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Is it possible that I watched the commercials and not the Super Bowl? Why?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes, that is possible. People do that.

POUNDSTONE: OK, but why? Why would people do that?

BODETT: Well, you TiVo it and you fast forward through the game parts, you know.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Gee, you guys, I hate to say it, but it's no wonder America's going downhill.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Aren't we busier than that? I guess not. We're not?

SAGAL: No, not anymore.

POUNDSTONE: No, we're not. OK, good. Good.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: It's either that or watch the GOP race, you know.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROBERTS: I'll go for the commercials.

BODETT: We're not going downhill; it's halftime.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And now it's time for some great commercials. Carl, how did Tricia do on our quiz?

KASELL: Tricia, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done, Tricia. Congratulations.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

BOULET: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing.

BOULET: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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