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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have sixty seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: Roxanne Roberts has the lead, Peter. She has four points. Tom Bodett has three. Paula Poundstone has two.

SAGAL: All right, so it's...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Let me get this straight.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It would appear that I'm losing.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But not by much. Here you go, Paula, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank.

An appeals court in California ruled this week that Prop 8 which bans blank is unconstitutional.

POUNDSTONE: Same sex marriage.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Religious groups were outraged by President Obama's new policy requiring church affiliated employers to provide coverage for blank.

POUNDSTONE: Abortions.

SAGAL: No, birth control.

POUNDSTONE: Oh darn it.

SAGAL: In an attempt to prevent conflict with Israel, the US imposed harsher sanctions on blank this week.

POUNDSTONE: Harsher sanctions on Iran.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I don't know if I'm going to give you that point.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week the Pentagon issued new rules that will allow blank to serve closer to combat.

POUNDSTONE: Women.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Montana man who lead police on a chase this week told police he'd done it because he'd blanked.

POUNDSTONE: I don't know.

SAGAL: He had always wanted to be in a police chase.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Oh that's right. I knew that.

SAGAL: Beyonce and Jay Z filed an application to trademark their baby's name, blank, to use for a line of baby products.

POUNDSTONE: Blue Ivy, Ivy Blue.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's Blue Ivy Carter, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Blue Ivy.

SAGAL: Zelman King, the creator of the late night Showtime series blank, died this week at the age of 70.

POUNDSTONE: The Zelman King Story.

SAGAL: No, it's called Red Shoe Diaries. This week four year old Dustin Kruse of Wisconsin got the gift he'd always wanted, a blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

POUNDSTONE: A fat dog.

SAGAL: No.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The four year old got the gift he'd always wanted, a Kohler double flush self toilet with a self lowering lid.

POUNDSTONE: Yep.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We encourage you to Google "4 year old" and "toilet" because the image of this boy's face as he embraces his new fancy toilet is the most joyful and most inexplicable thing you will see this week.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: No, no it's not inexplicable at all. And I am using it as kind of a carrot with my son in terms of grades this year.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If he can get his grades up, he can get the toilet of his dreams?

POUNDSTONE: Absolutely.

SAGAL: Yeah. Carl, how did Paula do on our quiz?

KASELL: Paula had four correct answers, for eight more points. She now has ten points and Paula has the lead.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Tom, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Obama announced he was granting 10 states exemptions from parts of the blank education law.

TOM BODETT: The no child left behind.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After the recent surge of violence in Homs and other cities, the US closed its embassy in blank.

BODETT: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Executive Karen Handel of the Susan G. Komen foundation resigned this week amid the controversy over funding blank.

BODETT: Planned Parenthood.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the FBI released its 191 page file on late Apple cofounder blank.

BODETT: Steve Jobs.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A California man attempted to rob a bank this week by brandishing a blank.

BODETT: By brandishing a checkbook.

SAGAL: By brandishing a bag of apple pies.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: To mark her 60 years on the throne, this week blank announced details of her Diamond Jubilee tour.

BODETT: That might be the Queen of England.

SAGAL: Yes, Queen Elizabeth.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Fumble the Chihuahua terrier mix edged out an Australian shepherd mix named Aberdeen to win MVP at this year's blank.

BODETT: That Westminster Dog thing.

SAGAL: No, the puppy bowl.

BODETT: Oh geez, Louise.

SAGAL: A Fraternity member is suing over injuries he sustained when one of his frat brothers blanked.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BODETT: Scratched his smelly jeans.

SAGAL: No.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He incurred injuries when one of his fraternity brothers tried to shoot a bottle rocket out of his butt.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I know what you're thinking. You're thinking well, if your fraternity brother puts a bottle rocket up his butt, then you just get out of the line of fire right?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But that's not what happened. Frat brother Travis Hughes tried to fire a bottle rocket out of his own butt. It exploded prematurely and that startled his frat brother Louis Helmsburg III and made him fall off the frat house's deck.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Helmsburg is now suing the fraternity for his injuries. The Fraternity plans to mount a complicated legal defense known as "give Helmsburg beer bongs till he passes out.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KASELL: Tom had five correct answers, for ten more points. He now has thirteen points and Tom has taken the lead.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, so Roxanne, this is for the game. How much does Roxanne need to win?

KASELL: Five correct answers.

SAGAL: Five, nothing for you, Roxanne, nothing at all. Here we go. Roxanne, this is for the game.

Federal officials announced a 25 billion dollar settlement over foreclosure abuses with the five biggest blank companies Thursday.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Lending.

SAGAL: Yes, mortgage companies.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, politicians in blank reached an agreement on a new austerity deal.

ROBERTS: Greece.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For the first time in over 30 years, regulators approved two new blanks in the US.

ROBERTS: I don't know.

SAGAL: Nuclear reactors. A Mississippi State Representative has introduced a bill to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to blank.

ROBERTS: America's bathtub.

SAGAL: No. To the Gulf of America. Vermont police officers discovered prisoners had been secretly decorating their police cruisers with blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: With tinsel.

POUNDSTONE: I know this one.

ROBERTS: Yeah, good for you.

SAGAL: What?

POUNDSTONE: Images of pigs.

SAGAL: Yes, pigs. In her memoir released this week...

ROBERTS: Oh, on the decals. That's right.

SAGAL: Yes. Too late for you though.

ROBERTS: Yeah, I know.

SAGAL: In her memoir released this week, former White House intern Mimi Alford details her affair with blank.

ROBERTS: JFK.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: NBC and the NFL both apologized after performer MIA blanked during the halftime show.

ROBERTS: She gave the audience the finger.

SAGAL: Yes, she did.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

ROBERTS: Yes.

SAGAL: Police in Southern Illinois have stopped a murder plot in which the culprit planned to frame blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

ROBERTS: To frame the pope.

SAGAL: No, he was going to frame the victim's cat.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It would have been the perfect crime. First you surprise your victim in the bath. You throw in a radio. Kill him. Then, you sprinkle cat litter around the tub, so the owner's cat gets fingered for the crime.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: However, the police stopped the crime before it could happen. And it never would have worked, because everybody knows that if the cat did it, it would frame the dog.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, did Roxanne do well enough to win?

KASELL: She needed five correct answers. Roxanne had four correct answers, for a total of twelve points.

SAGAL: No.

ROBERTS: Yes.

KASELL: So, with thirteen points, Tom Bodett is this week's champion.

SAGAL: No. That's amazing.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

BODETT: This never happens.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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