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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have sixty seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: Peter, we have a three-way tie.

SAGAL: Oh wow.

KASELL: Tom Bodett has three points, Jessi Klein has three, Mo Rocca has three.

MO ROCCA: This is going to be like "The Hunger Games."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We've selected an order at random. Mo, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank.

The police chief in charge of the investigation of the killing of a teenager in blank temporarily stepped down on Thursday.

ROCCA: Florida.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After stockpiling 97.6 billion dollars in cash, this week blank announced it would pay dividends to its stockholders for the first time.

ROCCA: Apple.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After Peyton Manning announced he was signing with Denver, blank was traded to the Jets.

ROCCA: Tim Tebow.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: President Obama visited an Irish pub on Capitol Hill to celebrate blank on Saturday.

ROCCA: St. Patrick's Day.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Canadian cocaine smuggler was caught at the Smugglers Inn in a car with a license plate that said blank.

ROCCA: It said coke up.

SAGAL: No, it said smuggler.

ROCCA: OK.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After having a naked meltdown on the street in San Diego, the director of the blank video claimed to have reactive psychosis.

ROCCA: The Kony 2012.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A London firefighter is recovering from minor injuries sustained when he blanked.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

ROCCA: When his fish and chips set on fire.

SAGAL: No, when he tripped over a shoe while rescuing three goldfish. It was like something from a movie. The heroic fireman emerged from the flames of the building with three terrified goldfish in his arms, presumably moving in slow motion and then he immediately spoiled the whole scene by tripping over a shoe. Thankfully, the goldfish and the shoe, at least, were unharmed

Carl, how did Mo do on our quiz?

KASELL: Mo had five correct answers, for ten more points. He now has thirteen points and Mo had the lead.

SAGAL: Well done, Mo.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, Jessi, you are up next. Please fill in the blank. Officials said the 7. 4 magnitude earthquake that hit in blank on Tuesday damaged more than 32 thousand homes.

JESSI KLEIN: Mexico.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A statistical analysis released by the AP this week shows that increasing drilling does not lower the price of blank.

KLEIN: Oil.

SAGAL: Right, or gas.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KLEIN: Gas.

SAGAL: Ignoring the UN Security Council's call for peace, forces in blank clashed on Thursday.

KLEIN: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The driver of a tow truck called to the scene of a drunk driving crash in Montana failed to clear the scene because he blank.

KLEIN: Was drunk.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week Safeway, Supervalu and the Food Lion supermarket chains announced they would no longer sell beef that contains blank.

KLEIN: Oh, pink slime.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Jamie Waylett, best known for his role in the blank movies, was jailed this week for taking part in the London Riots.

KLEIN: Harry Potter.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A technical malfunction at a German donut factory resulted in a jelly-filled blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: That seriously is the last question?

SAGAL: Yes.

KLEIN: A jelly filled donut hole.

SAGAL: No, a jelly-filled person.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anke Friedman was cleaning the machine that fills doughnuts when it malfunctioned, injecting her hand and temporarily filling her with delicious marmalade.

KLEIN: That sounds amazing.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: She's fine. Doctors cleaned it all out. She's now been tested marmalade free. Since then, though, Ms. Friedman's co-workers have confessed to an almost uncontrollable urge to dunk her in coffee.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Jessi Klein do on our quiz?

KASELL: Jessi had six correct answers, for twelve more points. Jessi now has fifteen points and the lead.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. And how many then does Mr. Tom Bodett need to win it?

KASELL: Six to tie, seven to win outright.

SAGAL: All right. If you win Tom, not only do you get to be the champion but you also get the Republican nomination. It's open.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: And a vasectomy.

SAGAL: And a vasectomy, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Special offer, just this week. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Jeb Bush announced that he was endorsing blank as the Republican presidential candidate.

TOM BODETT: Mitt Romney.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A 32 hour standoff on Thursday ended the hunt for the shooter at a Jewish school in blank.

BODETT: France.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, President Obama said he is expediting the approval of the southern end of the Keystone blank.

BODETT: Pipeline.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Secretary of State Hilary Clinton was among those officially supporting a new investigation into the disappearance of blank.

BODETT: Amelia Earhart.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Colorado man says he has no hard feelings after his stolen bike was returned with blank.

BODETT: Was returned with - painted.

SAGAL: No. It was returned with a note of apology signed "drunk."

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Los Angeles Coroner's office ruled accidental drowning, heart disease and cocaine use as the causes of singer blank's death.

BODETT: Whitney Houston.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday Apple announced that in the first three days that they were on sale, they sold 3 million blanks.

BODETT: The new iPads.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The world of competitive chess just got a little duller now that the European Chess Union has implemented a new blank rule.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BODETT: No drinking.

SAGAL: No. No cleavage.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's tired of its image being associated with heaving bosoms.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the European Chess Union has implemented a no new cleavage rule during matches. Judges say the new dress code is necessary because some sexpot chess players were showing up dressed, quote, "like they were going to the beach."

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: But not everyone is a fan of the new rule. Grand Master Gary Kasparov complained, quote, "Now I don't have anything to wear,"

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Well, I'm out.

SAGAL: Carl, did Tom do well enough to win?

KASELL: Tom needed six correct answers to tie with Jessi Klein and Tom had six correct answers. So with fifteen points, Tom Bodett and Jessi Klein are this week's co-champions.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done.

ROCCA: I don't think it's that interesting when people tie.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I'll take the vasectomy, you have the pizza.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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