Bluff The Listener

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Our panelists tell three stories about new ways to improve our bodies.

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Jessi Klein, Tom Bodett and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Carl.


SAGAL: Thanks everybody. Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME! Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-Wait-Wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

ZACH SPENCER: Hi, this is Zach Spencer from St. George, Utah.

SAGAL: St. George, Utah, that is a beautiful place in southern Utah, yes?

SPENCER: It is a beautiful place in southern Utah.

SAGAL: I love it. What do you do there?

SPENCER: I actually am a realtor. I sell new homes.

SAGAL: Do you really?


SAGAL: All right, so are you selling a lot of those these days, because I understand they weren't moving a lot of them?

SPENCER: We are selling quite a few. It's going really great when you live in the golf Mecca of Utah.

SAGAL: The golf Mecca? Are you allowed to call something a Mecca in Utah?


SAGAL: Do people allow you to do that?

SPENCER: We could call it the golf gathering place in Utah.

SAGAL: There you are.


MO ROCCA: The golf tabernacle.


SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Zach. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Carl, what is Zach's topic?

KASELL: I wasn't born with these bee-stung lips.


SAGAL: Walking around with the body you were born with is so over. If you haven't done something extreme to your body by now, you will be embarrassed to show yourself around the pool at the old folks' home.

Each of our panelists are going to tell you about the latest body mod available to you. Guess the real one and you'll win Carl's voice on your home voicemail.

SPENCER: I am very, very excited to try.

SAGAL: All right, let's hear it. Let's see how you do. First, we'll hear from Tom Bodett.

TOM BODETT: As the most self-indulgent generation in history, you just knew when the baby boom reached old age things were going to get ugly. And so it has, with the introduction of Exoflex, the state of the art external joint replacement system from Merman Laboratories.

The patented biopolymer fastens to weak or damaged joints through the skin, reducing surgical risks and allowing for a variety of visible design options. "What's the point of spending 20 grand on a new knee if nobody sees it," said co-developer Dr. Yan Butner.


BODETT: This generation has been wearing their hearts on their sleeves for over sixty years. They want to wear their new elbows there too.


BODETT: Custom molded to body contours and just a millimeter thick, including articulating carbon ligaments, the bondable surface can be covered with a variety of fabrics, leathers, even devices. Get the snap-on duffer's knee with clips for tees and scorecards.


BODETT: Switch it over to the static-free ballroom dancer for under your tux at the club social that evening. For the ladies, it can even match your evening gown. Hip replacement? Nothing puts a bounce in your stride like a new joint and a fanny pack combination.


BODETT: "There are no end to the possibilities," claims Butner, who denies being sent to earth by the Borg from "Star Trek Next Generation."


BODETT: But admits they do look kind of cool.

SAGAL: Visible joint replacements, customizable to your fashion needs. Your next story of a new body enhancement comes from Jessi Klein.

JESSI KLEIN: We're all used to being asked to silence our cell phones before we enter a theater, but if Nokia gets its way, we may soon be asked to silence our tramp stamps. That's right, Nokia has filed a patent for a tattoo with magnetic ink that will vibrate in our skin when we get a phone call or a text to our cell phone. Grossed out yet? Hang on, it's about to get grosser.


KLEIN: Nokia is also proposing that your cell phone tattoo have the equivalent of caller ID, wherein it vibrates in different patterns for different callers. This is why you'll have to think extra carefully about which part of your body you get tattooed.


KLEIN: You might want certain spots to buzz when your girlfriend texts you, but no one wants that sexy spot on your inner thigh to tingle when mom calls.


KLEIN: The downside of the tattoo is that if you want to get it lasered off, you may have to wait until your contract with Sprint expires.



SAGAL: Your last story of improving your flawed natural body comes from Mo Rocca.

ROCCA: There are plenty of ways to carry an infant. The Baby Bjorn is popular, but little buddies legs dangle down and all too often kick daddy in his little buddies.


ROCCA: That baby sling has its hippie charms, but it's tough on the shoulder. In a medical trial, some Denver area moms are taking a cue from Australian wildlife and are getting marsupialized.


ROCCA: That's right, they're getting pouches, an extra layer of skin attached across the lower body. Ann Boris is a mom of four with a fulltime job. "It's a lot of pressure," she says, "but when I can put the two little ones in my pouch, I forget they're even there."


ROCCA: Her pouch has a removable and machine washable fur lining.


ROCCA: Occasionally she has to clear out toys, pacifiers and other knickknacks that settle at the bottom. "My goodness, it's like having a second purse."


ROCCA: And yes, men can get marsupialized. Bethesda, Maryland's Anthony Calamities will soon undergo the procedure. His two sons are beyond excited. Quote, "They watch a lot of kangaroo cartoons," he says. "My only worry is they'll expect me to hop all the time and I have bad knees."



SAGAL: So...


SAGAL: Here are your choices. From Tom Bodett, visible joint replacements for the fashion forward. From Jessi Klein, vibrating tattoos to let you know in an intimate way when your cell phone rings. Or from Mo Rocca: attachable pouches so you can carry your kid around just like a kangaroo does. Which of these is the real story of an interesting new body modification?

SPENCER: Mr. Bodett's was so convincing, I'm going to go with the Exoflex.

SAGAL: You're going to go with the Exoflex.

BODETT: That's what I'd do.


SAGAL: The hip and joint replacements. All right, that's your choice. Well, here's someone who is familiar with the true story.

ERIC ZEEMAN: Vibrating skin is more likely to grab your attention than a vibrating phone in a pocket, purse or backpack.

SAGAL: That was Eric Zeeman. He's a reporter for "Information Week's" mobile technology beat. I'm so sorry; Zach, but Jessi had the right answer this time. You did earn a point, though, for Tom. So thank you for that.

BODETT: And you're my hero.

SAGAL: Yeah.


SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

SPENCER: Thank you, guys.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.



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