Bluff The Listener

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Our panelists tell us three stories of lives ruined by Justin Bieber, only one of which is true.

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Maz Jobrani, Paula Poundstone, and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Carl.


SAGAL: Thank you guys so much. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME! Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-Wait-Wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

BOB GUMBRECHT: Hi, this is Bob Gumbrecht in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.

SAGAL: Hey, Steamboat Springs is a beautiful place...


SAGAL: north central Colorado. I've been there. How are things going there with the snow? Do you have enough or have you had enough to ski?

GUMBRECHT: It's getting pretty light at this point.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's getting kind of warm. Perhaps you can turn to some other industry, like going down mountains on skateboards, perhaps.



GUMBRECHT: Roller skates.

SAGAL: Roller skates, soap box derby cars. Well, Bob, welcome to the show. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Carl, what is Bob's topic?

KASELL: Damn you, Justin Bieber.


SAGAL: Astounding as it may be to hear, not everybody adores Justin Bieber. In fact, we heard about somebody who has a real beef with the Bieb. This week, our panelists are going to read you three ways the dreamy pop star has ruined someone's life.


SAGAL: Guess that true story; you'll win Carl's voice on your home answering machine or voicemail. Ready to play?

GUMBRECHT: I am ready.

SAGAL: Let's hear from Maz Jobrani first.

MAZ JOBRANI: Sometimes the Bieb can be such a boob.


JOBRANI: A few weeks back, for a joke, teen heartthrob Justin Bieber tweeted a phone number minus one digit, and asked his 19 million followers to call me right now.

Soon after, 81-year-old Dallas great grandmother Dilcie Fleming began receiving constant calls from girls so eager to profess their love, they added a random digit to the number and started dialing. "Justin, I know you're there. Call me. I love you so much," one fan said on Dilcie's voicemail.

But Grandma Fleming is not impressed. "I've had this number since 1966," she said. "Besides, did the girl really think Justin was going to call her back? Get a life."


JOBRANI: And now, Mr. Bieber is about to get served, because Fleming is considering suing the young man. That or she said she'll settle on concert tickets for her great granddaughter, who is crazy about the singer, and who, by the way, never calls her grandmother.


JOBRANI: Not even to leave a message for the Bieb.

SAGAL: Bieber inspires a flood of phone calls to a befuddled grandmother. Your next story of a Bieber debacle comes from Brian Babylon.

BRIAN BABYLON: All right, 15-year-old Molly Labelle loves Justin Bieber. She'd do anything to meet him. And since that's not going to happen, she'll at least try to eat like him. That's why she bid all her allowance on a certified Justin Bieber half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Bieber Bay, the all Bieber auction site.

By the time it arrived last Wednesday, the sandwich was five weeks old, but that didn't stop Molly from trying a little bite. And with that, the little girl contracted actual Bieber Fever.


BABYLON: This is the first case of what doctor's are calling Acute Bieber Fever. They describe it as a combination of food, mold and Justin Bieber saliva.


BABYLON: Symptoms include fever and drowsiness. In Molly's case, it's also accompanied by screaming and uncontrollable shaking, but that's only because that's what happens every time someone says "Justin Bieber."


BABYLON: It can happen.

SAGAL: All right. I believe it. An actual case of Bieber Fever, contracted from a Bieber sandwich.

And your last story of someone even more annoyed by Justin Bieber than you are comes from Paula Poundstone.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Rod Lane was never a fan of Justin Bieber. "Because I love music," explains Rod.



POUNDSTONE: But now that Bieber has delivered his baby, Lane finds him out and out annoying. Lane's 23-year-old wife Michelle unexpectedly went into an early labor on the side of the Santa Monica Freeway in Los Angeles. Who should pull up from the snarled traffic but Justin Bieber. "It was nice of him to help," says Lane, "but now my wife is obsessed with him. I hate the guy. She insisted on naming the baby Biebster."


POUNDSTONE: "It could have been worse, she could have named him Never-Say-Never, which she says all the time now. Why couldn't it have been Katy Perry?"


POUNDSTONE: "Rod was at work and I was on my way to a prenatal checkup with my doctor when my water broke. I couldn't believe it. I just had the car detailed."


POUNDSTONE: "The 10 Freeway was crawling. People kept flipping me off as I tried to get over. Just as I got to the shoulder, I see a black Ferrari and Justin Bieber steps out and I am not even kidding, it was Justin Bieber. I mean never say never, Justin Bieber delivered my baby, baby."


POUNDSTONE: "He called the police for me, but the baby couldn't wait. I guess she just wanted to get a look at him. He would tell me to push and then do this funky little dance move."


POUNDSTONE: "The placenta was gross," said Bieber, "but we were all placenta once."


SAGAL: All right then, here are your choices.


SAGAL: From Maz Jobrani, an errant tweet from Bieber floods a Texas grandmother with phone calls from desperate young girls. From Brian Babylon, the story of a real Bieber Fever brought on by a Bieber sandwich that should not have been eaten but was. And from Paula Poundstone: a guy who will have to deal with Bieber for the rest of his life because Mr. Bieber delivered his child on the side of a freeway. Which of these is the true story of Bieber as curse?


SAGAL: Yeah.


GUMBRECHT: I think I'm going to have to go with the peanut butter and Bieber sandwich.

SAGAL: The peanut butter and Bieber sandwich?


SAGAL: That's, of course, Brian's story. All right, well we spoke to somebody who knew a little bit about this real case.

NATALIE SOLIS: Her phone just wouldn't stop ringing. It's girls, you know, asking to speak to Justin Bieber, telling her, you know, I love you, Justin, I love you, and leaving, you know, message after message on her voicemail.

SAGAL: That was Natalie Solis, reporter with Fox4 Dallas/Fort Worth, talking about the grandmother in Texas, one of a couple of people that were deluged with calls from Bieber's fans.

So I'm afraid you did not, in fact, pick the right story. That would have been, of course, Maz's. However, you did win a story for Brian for his incredibly disgusting story of the peanut Bieber - is it peanut butter and Bieber sandwich or peanut Bieber and jelly?

JOBRANI: Oh, either way.

SAGAL: That'll work.


JOBRANI: Either way, it's gross.

SAGAL: It's a made up story, not a recipe.


SAGAL: Well thank you so much for playing.

GUMBRECHT: Great, thank you so much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.




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