Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Feeding Babies is for the Birds; A Cadillac That's Also a Massage Therapist; An Expo for Exes.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and also check out the latest "How to do everything" podcast. This week, Mike and Ian explain how to talk to an alligator. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

JIM GARRISON: Hi, Peter. This is Jim Garrison from Chesapeake, Virginia.

SAGAL: Hey, nice to talk to you, Jim. What do you do there in Chesapeake?

GARRISON: Well I'm a retail store manager for a local swimming pool company.

SAGAL: Oh, so you sell all that cool swimming pool stuff?

GARRISON: Yes, absolutely.

SAGAL: Do you specialize in like noodles, floats and other games?

GARRISON: Yeah, yeah, the fun stuff, exactly.

SAGAL: What's like the next fun thing you can do in your pool?

GARRISON: Oh, you know, that's a good question. Get the family together and have a good time.

SAGAL: How do you sell that though?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jim, welcome to our show. Carl Kasell will now read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to go?

GARRISON: Absolutely, let's do it.

SAGAL: Here's your first one.

CARL KASELL: Simple etiquette just might preclude a bird-like transmittal of food. But mothers know best. We help tots digest by serving them bites we've pre?

GARRISON: Chewed.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes, chewed. Actress Alicia Silverstone got a lot of attention recently when she posted a video of herself pre-chewing her child's food. They say, it's a new trend among the insufferable. They claim...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's a more natural way to feed babies, harkening back to the days when humans were raised by giant birds.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How are kids going to get over this? Twenty years from now this kid is going to be, you know...

ADAM FELBER: Still eating that way.

SAGAL: Yeah, he's going to take out the girl he wants to marry and say, I've got a question to ask, darling. But first, would you mind softening up my steak?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here's your next limerick.

KASELL: My car tells me when I should brake and which steering corrections to make. A warning will shoot from the seat to my glute, as the car gives my butt a firm?

GARRISON: Shake.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: GM has developed a new vibrating seat function that alerts drivers when they're straying out of their lane. If you veer left, the left side of the seat vibrates. If you veer right, the right side vibrates. If you're driving straight and your butt still vibrates, you're sitting on your phone.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: When lost in the battle of sexes, starting over quite often perplexes. Our convention's a hit for the couples that split. All our booths are set up to help?

GARRISON: Exes.

SAGAL: Yes, exes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: After a terrible divorce, what is the first thing you want to do? If you answered go to a convention center crammed with thousands of shell-shocked newly single people, then you're in luck. Last weekend marked the first-ever divorce expo in New York. Attendees browsed hundreds of stalls - that was like an "oh," because you missed it. I understand.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're sad. Attendees browsed hundreds of stalls offering lawyers, makeover tips, cheap vodka. Shouldn't they do this before people get divorced as a deterrent? And what would they have at "married for 25 years expos"? A booth with directions to the Divorce Expo?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Rebound parties.

SAGAL: Yes. Carl, how did Jim do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well Jim, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

GARRISON: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much. It was great to have you on the show.

GARRISON: My pleasure.

SAGAL: Take care.

GARRISON: Thanks, bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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