Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: A Bus For When You Feel Like You've Been Hit By a Bus, Slider Sommelier and an Adorable Expiration Date.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org; there you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Illinois, or check out the podcast "how to do everything." This week: Mike and Ian tell you how to name the new drug that you just invented.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

DAWN QUIETT: Hi, my name is Dawn Quiett and I'm from Dallas, Texas.

SAGAL: Your name is Dawn Quiett?

QUIETT: It is.

SAGAL: It is.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm not going to do what everybody else has for your entire life.

QUIETT: Oh, that would be lovely.

SAGAL: All right. I'll be silent about it.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

QUIETT: OK, great.

SAGAL: What do you do there in Dallas?

QUIETT: I'm the PR director for a new arts and parade in Dallas, Texas called Dallas Solstice.

SAGAL: So what will the Dallas Solstice be?

QUIETT: It'll be a parade where actually everybody gets to be in the parade. Everybody gets to make a float and everybody gets to participate.

SAGAL: So everybody in Dallas is going to be in the parade?

QUIETT: Everybody who wants to be can be in the parade.

SAGAL: Well who's going to watch it though if everybody is in the parade?

MO ROCCA: Yeah, good question.

QUIETT: People from Fort Worth.

SAGAL: There you go.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What good are they?

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Dawn. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

QUIETT: I am.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Hey, let's get the whole drunken gang over, 'cause the nausea and headache's sharp pang's over. The new Vegas bus is replenishing us. The ride is a cure for my?

QUIETT: Hangover.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You know that old saying: what happens in Vegas usually gets vomited at 6 in the morning into the Bellagio Fountain?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, a local doctor is trying to help with the Hangover Haven. It's a fleet of buses tricked out as moving hangover triage wards. For 150 bucks, you go on the bus; nurses replenish your bodily fluids with IVs, supposedly curing your hangover. If you're too wasted to leave your hotel room, for $500 they'll come up to you.

This is an incredibly bold move on the part of this doctor because who has ever gotten onto a bus and gotten off feeling less sick than when they got on?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: I'm just thinking a service in Vegas, provided for $150 on the street and $500 in your room.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's an established business model in that town.

BODDEN: That's probably going to work.

SAGAL: I think so. All right, here's your next limerick.

KASELL: White Castle's becoming refined. It's where the sophisticates dine. Our feature today: a robust cabernet. We're pairing our sliders with?

QUIETT: Wine.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Used to be, when you wanted a wine to pair with a sack of White Castle sliders at 3 in the morning, you had to bring a bottle from your own cellar. But, now one Indiana White Castle is providing a wine list along with their chicken rings and burgers. Now the problem here is that White Castle is supposed to be the place you go to after you get drunk.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Where do you go when you get drunk at White Castle? What is lower on the food totem pole?

QUIETT: Taco Bell.

SAGAL: Taco Bell.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And then if Taco Bell starts serving wine and beer, then you'd be like, "hey there, you troop of ants, are you going to finish that watermelon rind?"

JESSI KLEIN: That'll be an interesting answer when you get on the hangover bus and they're like what did you drink? It's like, oh, so much wine with my White Castle.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Kids are sweet while on all fours they scoot. Once they walk, they are more of a brute. When they turn four, they are hard to adore. Almost five and they're no longer?

QUIETT: Can't ignore them, ignore.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

QUIETT: I don't now.

SAGAL: When they're five you can no longer ignore them.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: How many kids do you have?

SAGAL: Yeah, Dawn, are you a parent? Where are they now?

KLEIN: Dawn's been very busy with the parade.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

QUIETT: Yes, I'm getting ready for that. No kids.

SAGAL: All right, let's try again. Listen for the rhyme I think.

QUIETT: OK.

KASELL: Kids are sweet while on all fours they scoot. Once they walk, they are more of a brute. When they turn four, they are hard to adore. Almost five and they're no longer?

QUIETT: I have no idea. I'm blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're no longer cute.

QUIETT: Oh, that's true.

KLEIN: Oh, that's true.

SAGAL: You agree? OK. If your five-year-old is looking a lot less adorable that's because according to the scientists at the University of Toronto, she is past her cute prime. That ends at approximately the age of four and a half.

They say that during the first few years of life babies and toddlers have, quote, "irresistibly cute" faces, chubby little cheeks and button noses and little puffy lips. But then they start to age and their features begin to mold and calcify into mini versions of their parents.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: That's depressing.

SAGAL: I know.

KLEIN: I thought that age was 30.

SAGAL: Really, no.

KLEIN: Now it's five.

BODDEN: And who are these doctors that literally studied like when are these children no longer cute?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I'm tired of these cute 7-year-olds running around.

SAGAL: Yeah, they were like what are we going to figure out? The theory of relativity has been done.

ROCCA: I think they're 6-year-olds playing doctor who came up with this.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Dawn do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well enough, Peter. Dawn, you had two correct answers, so you win our prize, and I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine or voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

QUIETT: Great, thank you.

SAGAL: Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing, Dawn.

QUIETT: Thank you.

SAGAL: Good luck with the parade.

QUIETT: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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