Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!


Polly Want A $*@#!; And they said I was mad!; Turn right ahead, Grandpa.

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Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888--Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or click the contact us link on our website: waitwait.npr.org; there you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And you can check out the latest "How to do Everything" podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to get a drink in the desert when you're really thirsty and no one's looking.


SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

CATHY MARLER: Yo, this is Dirk the Penguin.

SAGAL: Oh lord.



SAGAL: There you are. Authorities in Australia have been looking for you.

MARLER: Whatever you heard is not true.

SAGAL: Apparently not.


MARLER: No, really, this is Cathy from Missouri.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Missouri, Cathy?

MARLER: Beautiful, you should come.

SAGAL: Where do you live down in Missouri?

MARLER: I live in Farmington. It's about 60 miles south of St. Louis.

SAGAL: Uh-huh, and what do you do there?

MARLER: I am a professional grandma.

SAGAL: Really?

MARLER: Really.

SAGAL: I didn't realize you can get paid for that.

MARLER: Well, I don't get a paycheck but the payments are out of this world.

SAGAL: Cathy, welcome to the show, it's great to have you.

MARLER: It's great to be here. Thanks, Peter.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is now going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to go?

MARLER: I'm ready to go.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: In the Outback, strange things have occurred. No people here, yet I hear words. Some parrots escaped and learning took shape. I hear cursing from potty-mouthed?

MARLER: Birds.

SAGAL: Right.



SAGAL: Birds in Australia are learning English from former pet birds that have escaped into the wild. And since the pet birds learned English from Australians, most of the words are not polite.


SAGAL: Now, instead of the sweet chirp of chicks greeting their mothers back to nest to regurgitate food for them, baby birds are like, "you got to be bleeping kidding me. What?" And bird watching is different in Australia. You put up your binoculars to look and the birds are like, "what in the bleep are you looking at?"


SAGAL: They were from New Jersey actually.


AMY DICKINSON: They're all from New Jersey.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick, Cathy.


KASELL: On the outside I sound like a Nutter as I'm clearing away mental clutter. My thoughts do not stray 'cause they hear what I say, so I'm really OK when I?

MARLER: Mutter.



SAGAL: Talking to yourself helps - yes, that's right.


SAGAL: Talking to yourself helps you focus; according to the Wisconsin researchers caught talking to themselves. Really.


SAGAL: This is how it works, this is how it works. You're looking for your car keys. You can't find your car keys. Just say "car keys, car keys, car keys, car keys," over and over to yourself like that and it will focus your mind on solving the problem. So you'll either suddenly remember where you car keys are or someone will hear you and send you away to a mental institution where you never need drive again.


SAGAL: Problem.

MARLER: I have a lot of experience with this.

SAGAL: Do you really?


TOM BODETT: That works. I don't know how many times I go out to the refrigerator in the garage to get something and I stand there with the door open and I have no idea. Was it the eggs, the milk, the orange juice, the yogurt, what was it? So I've started doing that. I didn't need the research.


BODETT: I go out to get the milk, get the milk, get the milk.


BODETT: I open up the door and I get the milk. It works wonderfully.

SAGAL: Really, you actually say this to yourself over and over again?

BODETT: I do. Yeah. It is, it's pathetic.

POUNDSTONE: No, I do the exact same thing.

SAGAL: What do you do?

POUNDSTONE: I'll get up and go "Tom's getting the milk, Tom's getting the milk, Tom's getting the milk."


POUNDSTONE: I've been following you.

BODETT: That's who's in the other room.

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: My new GPS doesn't scold, so I drive where and how I am told. It's a long, slower drive but it keeps me alive. It avoids busy roads 'cause I'm?


MARLER: I'm old.

SAGAL: Yes, that's the answer.



SAGAL: Gone are the days of hiding grandpa's car keys to stop him from driving his car, because now he can just say "car keys" over and over and he'll immediately know where they are.


SAGAL: Thanks a lot previous limerick. But British innovators have come up with a new GPS for older people. It gives them directions that steer them away from busy highways and complicated intersections. It's guaranteed to distract them from the fact that their left blinker is still on.


SAGAL: Carl, how did Cathy do on our quiz?

KASELL: Cathy, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Cathy.


MARLER: Thank you, Peter.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

MARLER: Thank you.

SAGAL: See you down in St. Louis. We'll come. We'll come visit. Bye-bye now.


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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!