Another Classic Bluff The Listener

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Our panelists tell stories of parents going the extra mile to toughen up their kids, only one of which is true.

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here again is your host, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So, it is summertime and the radio show is easy. At least it is for us because we're taking the week off. You still have to sit and listen to it.

KASELL: We're doing our best to help, though, with our guide to summer, such as this Bluff the Listener game from last July, which might give you an idea of what to do with your kids, while they're on vacation.

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

HEIDI CONRAD: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

CONRAD: This is Heidi Conrad from St. Charles, Missouri.

SAGAL: St. Charles, Missouri. How are things in St. Charles?

CONRAD: Great.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

CONRAD: I work for a financial services technology firm.

SAGAL: Financial services technology firm?

CONRAD: Uh-huh, exciting, huh?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You sound excited about it.

CONRAD: I wish. I am. I am.

SAGAL: Oh yeah. They might be listening. Good, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Heidi, good to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Carl, what is Heidi's topic?

KASELL: Why, when I was your age, I was opening beer bottles with my teeth.

SAGAL: I believe that children are the future. And if that's true, our future is going to be obese, lazy and good for nothing but playing Angry Birds.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But somebody is trying to do something about this. Our panelists are going to read you three stories of parents going the extra mile to toughen their kids up. Guess the real story; you'll win Carl's voice on your home answering machine or voicemail. Ready to go?

CONRAD: Yep.

SAGAL: First, let's hear from Luke Burbank.

LUKE BURBANK: It's a tradition nearly as old as summer itself, the adorably adorable children's lemonade stand. With it's charmingly substandard signage and promise of refreshment on a sweltering day. But what about the times that beverage isn't actually all that refreshing? Enter Rick Owens of Escondido, California, who's made it his mission this summer to visit every kid lemonade stand in the city and write reviews of them on Yelp.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: "Lemonade? More like stagnant pond water mixed with battery acid."

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Owens wrote in one particularly biting review of a stand at 33rd and Ravenna, manned by two 6-year-olds.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: "I sent the brownies back two times, to no avail. Someone must have switched the recipe with the dirt patties they'd been previously working on in the backyard."

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Many local parents are upset by this, but Owens stands by his blunt writing. "These kids are going to either learn now or later that you've got to stand behind your product." Fritz Park Yelp says it's powerless to stop Owens from dishing out his brand of tough love, recommending that those offended by the reviews take the ultimate Yelp-based revenge: clicking on that button that says I did not find this review helpful.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A guy giving out Yelp reviews to lemonade stands in Escondido. Your next story of someone trying to toughen up their kids comes from Kyrie O'Connor.

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Olivia Dickson is pretty sure the boss is going to chew her out. She has 25 unfilled orders, 123 new emails in her inbox, an uneaten yogurt sweating on her desk, and she's late for a sales meeting. Olivia is eight. Welcome to Office Camp aka Ant Farm, where New York kids learn the hard truths of what office life is really like.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Just as mommy does at the office, Olivia sits in on deadly conference calls, faces impossible deadlines on meaningless reports, fights over the good pens in the supply closet.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: And has to wear spankx and three-inch heels all day.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: "Yesterday, I got yelled at bad for falling asleep in a meeting. But it was so boring."

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Olivia told the Wall Street Journal. "I cried in the restroom." Olivia's mother said she sent her daughter to drone training when Olivia learned the term business major. "I'm a project manager and there's got to be more to life than that," she said. "I want Olivia to be a filmmaker."

SAGAL: Office camp for kids. And your last story of a new way to make children stronger comes from Roy Blount, Jr.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Ride 'em, sheep boys and girls. The hot new sport for little kids out west, we learned this week, is rodeo with sheep, also known as mutton busting.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: Rural youngins have always tried to ride bucking sheep, pretending they are bulls or broncos, but only lately have arenas, cheering crowds and corporate marketing been involved.

Now, companies like Wool Riders Only are advancing mutton busting into the 21st century, with codified rules, special gear and interstate competition to the extent of a 16-stop tour featuring 125 staff sheep who ride in a custom double deck trailer, leading to a world finals in Fresno, California. So parents and other spectators can watch 3 to 7-year-old boys and girls cling to fleece for a few seconds, before the muttons bust them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, Heidi, here are your choices. From Luke Burbank, a guy giving out somewhat brutal Yelp lemonade stand reviews. From Kyrie O'Connor, office camp to show the kids what cube life is like. Or from Roy Blount, Jr.: mutton busting, little kids riding sheep in rodeos. Which of these is the real story in the week's news?

CONRAD: Oh gosh.

SAGAL: Oh gosh.

(LAUGHTER)

CONRAD: Is it too late to switch to the limerick challenge?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That's tricky too.

CONRAD: I think I will go with number three.

SAGAL: You're going to go with the third choice, Roy's choice?

(APPLAUSE)

CONRAD: Yeah.

SAGAL: The audience approves.

CONRAD: Because it sounds the funniest.

SAGAL: Mutton busting. Well, we spoke to somebody who helps run this program for kids.

TOMMY GUY-DOANE: The kids climb on the back of the sheep and we open the gate, and they try to ride for six seconds.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That was Tommy Guy-Doane. He's the owner of Wool Riders Only. It's a mutton busting organization, sheep riding for kids. Congratulations, Heidi, you got it right. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

CONRAD: Yay.

SAGAL: Yay, you earned a point for Roy and you've won our prize. Carl Kasell will record the greeting on your home voicemail. Thank you so much.

CONRAD: Awesome, thank you.

SAGAL: Thanks for playing. Bye-bye.

CONRAD: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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