Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: High Dining, A Bad Reputation and Not The Best Medicine.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER GROSZ, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888, 924-8924.

Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium here in Chicago and maybe our upcoming show in Cleveland, Ohio on June 28th.

Hi there, you are on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

ARIEL LEWIS: Hi. My name is Ariel. I'm from Old Town, Maine.

GROSZ: Oh, hi, Ariel. What do you do there in Old Town, Maine?

LEWIS: I'm a graduate student at the University of Maine in Orono.

GROSZ: Oh, cool. And what are you studying?

LEWIS: I'm studying civil and environmental engineering.

GROSZ: Oh, so civil engineering meaning like just peaceful, gentle engineering?

(LAUGHTER)

LEWIS: No, more like...

BRIAN BABYLON: Hypnotize.

LEWIS: I don't know what civil engineering is. I'm doing more of the environmental engineering.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: OK.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Well, you know, some time during class, ask.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Just lay it out there, you know. I think your teacher will admire your honestly.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, she's going to say, you know what, Ariel brings up a very good point.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: What are we doing here?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, yeah, what is civil engineering? How many people didn't know? And then slowly and sheepishly hands will raise.

GROSZ: OK, well, Ariel, welcome to the show.

LEWIS: Thank you.

GROSZ: Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each one. And if you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of them, you're going to be a winner. OK, are you ready?

POUNDSTONE: One of them is about civil engineering. So you...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You're maybe going to regret, Ariel, that you didn't do that legwork.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Are you ready, Ariel?

LEWIS: Yes.

GROSZ: OK. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: "That's awful," the food critic groaned. But one toke and that snob was dethroned. His munchies said, "Neato, a burger burrito, this stuff sure tastes great when you're?"

LEWIS: Stoned.

GROSZ: Stoned, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Thanks to professional skateboarder and semi-professional pot smoker, Rob Dyrdek, stoners need never go hungry again. His brand "Loud Mouth Burritos" have been designed specifically for stoners and only come in only two flavors - pizza burrito and cheeseburger burrito - which are the only two flavors that exist to a stoned person.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: But I say thank god someone is finally making a food specifically for stoners - the one group of people who will eat anything you put in front of their faces.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: OK, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Don't prejudge me 'cuz I'm not a glider. My eight legs are no creep-out provider. There's no need to fear, I'm really quite dear. Come back, Muffet, I'm a nice?

LEWIS: Spider,

GROSZ: Spider, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Professor John May of Plymouth University says spiders aren't creepy at all. They're not eight-legged monsters who trap their prey and slowly drain them of their life force. They're just misunderstood. Professor May says before we judge spiders, we need to sympathize with them. We need to take a minute to look at things from their point of view. But don't take too long, because given the opportunity they will try to lay their eggs inside your skin.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: OK, Ariel, here's your last limerick.

KASELL: I mount this complaint to your staff. Your yoga is too loud by half. Your Om will sink in with a chuckle or grin. You don't need the full belly?

LEWIS: Laugh.

GROSZ: Laugh, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Laugh yoga has been rising in popularity ever since westerners realized they could laugh for an hour and count that as their daily allotment of physical exercise.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Then go back to eating their stoner burrito.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: But the high court in Mumbai, India, the city where laugh yoga originated, have decreed it a public nuisance and police are instructed to disperse all acts of criminal laughter. Have you guys ever heard of laugh yoga?

BABYLON: No, are you serious?

POUNDSTONE: I have heard of it.

BURBANK: It is real.

BABYLON: I'm missing out on this. So are you laughing doing like pose, like...

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: And doing poses or something.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: No, you're laughing at other people's poses.

BABYLON: Yeah.

BURBANK: Yeah, that's typically what I've done.

POUNDSTONE: It's a cruel form of yoga.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It's more of a bullying yoga.

BURBANK: It's the Bully Sana.

POUNDSTONE: It developed in middle school in...

BURBANK: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Everybody get into downward self-esteem.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Carl, how did Ariel do?

KASELL: Ariel, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or answering machine.

LEWIS: Yay.

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Congratulations. Thank you so much for playing.

LEWIS: Thank you.

GROSZ: All right, bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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