Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Making A Splash, Apocalypse Realty and Putting the "Big" in Big Toe.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888, 924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago or send us a question or comment.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

ROSALEEN MOORE: Hello.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

MOORE: My name is Rosaleen Moore.

SAGAL: Hey Rosaleen, how are you?

MOORE: I'm great. I'm fine, thank you.

SAGAL: Where are you calling from?

MOORE: York, Maine.

SAGAL: Oh, we are making our debut, our Maine debut in Portland in a couple of weeks.

MOORE: I know. When, when, when?

SAGAL: August 9th, I think we'll be there in Portland.

MOORE: Oh.

SAGAL: It's very exciting.

MOORE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Do you have any tips for what we should do to enjoy ourselves in Maine?

MOORE: Just enjoy all the many ice cream stands and antique shops that you'll see.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: What's your stand on eating ice cream cones with a spoon?

(LAUGHTER)

MOORE: That's just weird.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: He's lost Maine. He's already down four electoral votes. He's lost Maine.

SAGAL: Rosaleen, welcome to the show. Carl, of course, is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job of course, complete that limerick. Do it two times out of three, you'll win our prize. Ready to go?

MOORE: Yes, yes, yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Ariel chased the wrong grail. In the water, I'd rather not flail. A mermaid I'll be, and I'll swim in the sea, once I slip on my new fishy?

MOORE: Tail.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The company 3-Fin has introduced a $250 mermaid or merman tail swimsuit. It allows your weird kid to continue being shunned during the hot summer months.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You always have to remember to bend at the knees when you lift your 19-year-old merman son out of the pool.

(LAUGHTER)

MOORE: OK, I'm ready for my next one.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Guys. OK, let's keep it moving. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: I can face all the undead hordes calmly, even if they can learn how to bomb me. In my fort I keep fresh, and they won't eat my flesh. My new home will protect me from?

MOORE: Romney.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A Romney-proof home is what you're suggesting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The answer is not Romney. Let's hear it again.

MOORE: OK.

KASELL: I can face all the undead hordes calmly, even if they can learn how to bomb me. In my fort I keep fresh, and they won't eat my flesh. My new home will protect me from?

MOORE: From zombies.

SAGAL: Zombies, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Zombies, as I'm sure you know, have a saying: real estate is all about three things, brains, brains, and brains.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're safe though; Realtor dot com is now showcasing zombie-proof homes that might be currently on the market, including the $750,000 Nuclear Missile Silo Home in New York, which is equipped with a launch control center, three-inch-thick concrete doors. It's all 125 feet under ground. Great, but where is there a person who is both really concerned about zombie apocalypse and has good credit?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Romney spoke at the National Association for the Advancement of Zombies this week, didn't he?

SAGAL: He did.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Booo.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Booo.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I'm sorry. Are you approving of me?

ROBERTS: Wait, do zombies boo? I thought they went...

(SOUNDBITE OF ZOMBIES)

SAGAL: He's, like, I'm going to repeal Obamacare. The zombies are like that's cool, we're dead. It's fine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We could care less. All right, here is your last quote.

KASELL: Though I'm svelte and can wear skinny clothes, in my feet my obesity shows. So my piggies are rife to go under the knife. I'll have lypo on all my ten?

MOORE: Toes.

SAGAL: Yes, toes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Plastic surgeons are now performing liposuction on people's toes. You know, solving that persistent problem of fat toes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Never again will you have to say "oh, no cupcake for me, it'll go right to my toes."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And they're calling this problem toe-besity.

(LAUGHTER)

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: You know who doesn't have that problem?

SAGAL: Who?

GOLDTHWAIT: Mermaids.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: No toes.

SAGAL: Carl, how did Rosaleen do on our quiz?

KASELL: Rosaleen, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

MOORE: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

Copyright © 2012 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!