Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time?

Carl reads three quotes from the weeks news: A Gold Medal in Olympic Spoilers; An Awkward Moment in Poland; and The Spammer in Chief.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much. We got a great show for you today. Later on, actors and adorable real-life couple Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell will be here to talk about the movie they just made together. But before we start, a complaint: every four years around this time, Carl and I get a lot of criticism. They say people only follow this show because of our sex appeal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That we're just ear candy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But no, we take this competition seriously, and we wear these bikinis simply because they provide greater freedom of movement.

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: And it cuts down on the chafing.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, no matter what you're wearing, give us a call. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

JACK MOTLEY: Hello, this is Jack Motley(ph) from Rochester, New York.

SAGAL: Jack Motley.

MOTLEY: Yes.

SAGAL: Nice to talk to you. What do you do in Rochester?

MOTLEY: I'm an associate professor of electrical and computer engineering.

SAGAL: Oh wow. Does this mean that your friends are always asking you to fix their things?

MOTLEY: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

MOTLEY: My toaster or this, that or the other thing.

SAGAL: Really? I mean does everybody bring you a toaster and you say: look pal, I've got a PhD and you want me to fix your toaster?

MOTLEY: Yes.

SAGAL: That happens.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jack. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, making her debut on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME, it's a writer for NBC's "30 Rock" and "Saturday Night Live." Please welcome Ms. Paula Pell right here.

PAULA PELL: Hello there.

MOTLEY: Hello, Paula.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, it's the man behind Esquire's politics blog and a contributor to grandland.com, Mr. Charlie Pierce.

(APPLAUSE)

CHARLIE PIERCE: Hey Jack.

MOTLEY: Hello.

SAGAL: And finally, a writer for HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher," Mr. Adam Felber is back with us.

(APPLAUSE)

MOTLEY: Hello, Adam.

ADAM FELBER: Hello, Jack.

SAGAL: So, Jack, you're going to start us off with Who's Carl This Time, of course. Carl is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. You know the drill: figure out what two of them mean or who said two of them. Do that and you will win Carl's voice on your voicemail. Ready to go?

MOTLEY: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right. Now your first quote is from a TV promo that aired this week, just as everybody was tuning in to see if swimmer Missy Franklin would win her first gold medal.

KASELL: When you're 17 years old and win your first gold medal, there's nobody you'd rather share it with. And we're there when Missy Franklin and her parents reunite.

SAGAL: So, who was getting a lot of grief for spoiling the Olympic Games for viewers?

MOTLEY: The people at NBC who are broadcasting.

SAGAL: Exactly, NBC, yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: NBC is delaying the most popular sports until primetime. They're taping and not showing them, so that they can get better ratings. And then, the problem is that during the day they themselves, as well as everybody else on the planet, is giving away the results.

So it would be like: coming up next on NBC, the network premier of "The Sixth Sense," and later on today, Bruce Willis talks about playing the guy who was dead the whole time.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Coming up, find out that Rosebud was his sled, when we present...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's ridiculous. I mean, you see these big races where everybody, including NBC News has already told you who won. You have interviews with athletes, pretending they just came out of the arena. The worst spoiler, though, so far, was when they showed the U.S. Women's Gymnastics Team competing while already wearing their gold medals.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: So even the athletes, you're saying, have advanced notice of what they did earlier?

SAGAL: It's true, exactly.

FELBER: Another thing I've noticed, because I'm a big Olympics fan...

SAGAL: Yeah.

FELBER: ...is that back in the day, there used to be countries from all around the world competing in the Olympics.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Do you remember that?

SAGAL: Yeah.

FELBER: It didn't used to just be Americans in London.

SAGAL: Yeah. Now, it's like...

FELBER: Because that's what NBC is showing us.

SAGAL: It's like Americans competing against like the Washington generals. I don't know who those guys are.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Yeah. We never talk to them. We never do that spinning globe and let's learn a little bit more about Ingmar, because we're not going to learn anything about him.

SAGAL: Right.

PELL: Yeah, yeah.

PIERCE: But that's also because we don't have the great villain. And that goes back to my proposal, which is that we reconstitute the Soviet Union merely as an athletic club.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: They were a crummy country, their economics were awful, but they really knew how to run a sports program.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: I think we should sell sponsorship: the Doritos Soviet Union. I think that would be great.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That makes sense. It was a big Olympic week. Michael Phelps became the greatest Olympian ever. He...

PIERCE: No.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

PELL: Thanks a lot, Peter.

FELBER: Wow.

SAGAL: He beat the record for most medals held by a Russian gymnast who competed 50 years ago. Great job, Michael, you beat a 77-year-old woman the size of an American Girl doll.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this may have been the best story. Eight badminton players were thrown out for intentionally losing their matches, to try to get better placings in the next round. Two doubles' teams played a match in which they both tried to lose at the same time.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Wow.

SAGAL: It's hilarious. They're missing shots. They're hitting them into the ground. At one point, one team just started saying "shuttlecock" over and over again until they collapsed into giggles and couldn't play.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Are you surprised? I mean, they don't call it goodminton.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jack, your next quote comes from a man named Rick Gorka. He was telling reporters to have some respect while traveling in Poland.

KASELL: Kiss my bleep. This is a holy site.

SAGAL: Mr. Gorka was frustrated with reporters, who were persistent in shouting questions at whom?

MOTLEY: Oh, Mitt Romney.

SAGAL: Yes, Mitt Romney, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: People thought Mitt Romney's foreign charm offensive tour couldn't get any worse, after his British debut. Even Charlie Sheen was saying "Dude, you're embarrassing yourself."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But then, for his next stop Romney went to Israel and gave a speech, comparing the Palestinian culture unfavorably to Israeli culture. When everybody got mad, he said "I never said anything about culture." But he did.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You can see it in the transcript provided by his campaign. Then after saying it and then denying he said it, he wrote an op-ed and said it again. Now, in the Olympics, they name a difficult after the first person to do it in international competition. So from now on, the "Triple Self-Contradiction with Vaguely Racist Back Flip" will be known as the "Triple Romney."

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

PIERCE: I have to admit, by the way, "kiss my bleep, this is a holy place" is the...

SAGAL: Yes.

PIERCE: ...greatest quote by a spokesman ever.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: Which is preceded, by the way, by "show some respect."

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: But, you know, in fairness to him, did you watch the video of this? Those reporters are almost stereotypically annoying reporters, and weirdly nasal too. So, if you watch it, you hear this: "Mitt, Mitt, what about the gaffes, Mitt? How do you feel about the gaffe? Do you think the gaffes are good? How do you feel about the gaffes? Mitt, the gaffes? Mitt, gaffs? Mitt?"

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, this is what happened, it happened in Poland. Mr. Romney was visiting, I think, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier there, or a war memorial, and the reporters, as you say...

FELBER: And he revealed his identity.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Yet another gaffe.

PIERCE: No, actually, NBC had it two hours earlier, though.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Jack, for your last quote, we have a series of email subject headers.

KASELL: So cool. Warning: this picture is cute. You'll need to comb your hair for this.

SAGAL: Those are just a fraction of the emails that many Americans have received from what annoying spammer?

MOTLEY: Annoying spammer.

SAGAL: Yeah, I'll give you a hint. He's trying to raise a lot of money.

MOTLEY: I'm drawing a complete blank.

SAGAL: How about President Obama?

MOTLEY: President Obama, OK.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: President Obama. The Republicans have the backing of conservative billionaires. To even the gap, President Obama's campaign is relying on pestering Americans until they give him money. This is unseemly. And I say this as a man who works in public radio.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Wow.

SAGAL: Remember back in 2008, Obama campaign emails were all about substance and policy and hope and change? Now, they're all like herbal Viagra ads. It's like, help the President continue his work, and make the girls say wow, wow, wow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Meanwhile - and this is true - Mitt Romney is also using social media. They have announced a special Romney VP app that will let you know the instant the announcement about Romney's running mate is made. You know how it alerts you that Romney's running mate has been selected? Your phone goes to sleep.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Jack do on our quiz?

KASELL: Peter, Jack had two correct answers. So Jack, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Jack. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks so much for playing.

MOTLEY: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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