Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Opening Panel Round

Our panelists answer questions about the week's news: First up: We're going to need a slower boat.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.


Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Charlie, it's August. That means shark attacks. Yay. This week, we learned about a new type of shark, scientists warn is unlike any they've seen before. What is different about this shark?

CHARLIE PIERCE: It wears a dinner jacket.


SAGAL: It has a little fork in one fin and a little knife in the other.

PIERCE: Wonderful manners.

SAGAL: All right, I'll give you a hint. Like everybody out of the water, but totally take your time; it's fine.

PIERCE: It's a very slow shark.

SAGAL: It's a very, very slow shark.


SAGAL: Clocking in at top speeds of 1.7 miles an hour...


SAGAL: The Greenland shark also answers to the title of least scary shark ever. It's hard to be a menacing predator when you're constantly saying "Hey guys, wait up."


PIERCE: And it's really embarrassing when all the seals start laughing at it.

SAGAL: I know.


SAGAL: And it's always got to get out its inhaler. It's hard...


PIERCE: It's always the last picked in all of the shark games.

SAGAL: Oh, it's terrible. This is true, the sharks are so slow, they're only able...

PIERCE: How slow are they?


SAGAL: They're so slow, they're only able to feed themselves by eating animals that they find that are asleep.


PIERCE: Is that true or is that the scientific fact?

SAGAL: It's true. It's true. It's true. It eats sleeping animals. And you always know it's coming because the music you hear is like da, da.


PIERCE: We're going to need a bigger boat. But the good news is we're not going to need an engine.

SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.


SAGAL: Drift away. Quick, drift away.

PAULA PELL: A very slow shark attack would be the most terrifying and horrifying.


PELL: It would just be like ohhh.

ADAM FELBER: Spend 25 minutes screaming in horror.


PELL: He's just holding me. No, he's not holding me. It's getting tighter. It's getting - the teeth are going in, slowly in.



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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!