Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Worse Than A Singing Telegram; Lubricating Politics; and Nine Lives, But Even More Kills.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That translates to 1-888-924-8924.

You can always click the contact us link on our website wait wait.npr.org. You can find out there about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. We'd love to see you. Or come visit us in Atlanta, George, when we do our show at the Fox Theater in Atlanta on September 20th.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

PERRI GARDNER: Hi, I'm Perri.

SAGAL: Hey, Perri, how are you?

GARDNER: Doing well.

SAGAL: And where are you calling from?

GARDNER: Twin Falls, Idaho.

SAGAL: Twin Falls, Idaho. That sounds like a beautiful place.

GARDNER: It's lovely.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

GARDNER: Well, I'm a grant writer at a community college but my family owns a whitewater rafting company.

SAGAL: Oh really?

GARDNER: So, yeah.

SAGAL: That's pretty rugged work.

GARDNER: It's a lot of fun.

SAGAL: I bet it is. Well, welcome to the show, Perri. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to play?

GARDNER: Yeah, absolutely.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Dear Friend, this gift here means what you think. When I'm near you, my eyes tear and blink. This deodorant stick might just do the trick. Please use this gift, friend, 'cause you?

GARDNER: Stink.

SAGAL: Yes, stink.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We all have a friend or coworker who smells terrible but doesn't seem to know it.

KASELL: We sure do, Peter.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But now, thanks to an Arizona-based deodorant company you can send an anonymous "Deodogram" to that smelly person in your life, along with a discreet note encouraging its use. Really, there's no faster way to send someone you love and care for on the emotional roller-coaster from "hey, a secret admirer sent me a present" to "everybody I know thinks I'm disgusting."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is our next limerick.

KASELL: Our Super PAC's goals are quite clear. We aim for convivial cheer. We students do think that D.C. needs a drink, so our PAC raises money for?

GARDNER: Beer.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A couple of politically minded George Washington University students have formed a Political Action Committee to buy beer for congressmen. It's a real thing and that's its purpose. They argue that beer and regular happy hours will bring lawmakers together and bridge the gap between parties. If this works, we can look forward to...

AMY DICKINSON: I'll say so.

SAGAL: Yes. We can look forward to the 2016 budget being balanced by charging admission to the House of Representatives' Wet Blazer contest.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: I mean, you throw beer on that and all it's going to do is be - it's going to be just fistfights in every corner.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: At daytimes, I couldn't lay stiller, but by night I become a blood-spiller. It's more than a mouse that I slay in the house. This feline's a cold, ruthless?

GARDNER: Killer.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Researchers at University of Georgia attached little cameras to house cats before they went outside and they checked the cameras when they came back and they discovered quote "a secret world of slaughter."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Your house cats are killing far more animals out there than anybody ever knew. You cat is a psychopath.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Which is why he's now going by all three names, Fluffy Ray McCuddles.

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR: They also found that lots of cats have more than one home. In fact, I knew somebody who was canvassing for votes in his neighborhood. And he went to the neighbor's house and knocked on the door and they started chatting.

And he noticed that the neighbor had some cat toys on the rug there. And he said oh, do you have a cat? And they said, yeah, we have a cat. He's around. He just sleeps here all day and then he goes out at night and we never see him all night. And he said oh that's funny, our cat sleeps all night and goes out here and never see him all day.

(LAUGHTER)

JR: And at that point a cat walked by and the canvasser said "Puff." It was his cat. It had a double life.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: You know what's weird? My dad did that.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How did you find out? Did you put a camera on his collar, Amy?

DICKINSON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Carl, how did Perri do on our quiz?

KASELL: Perri had three correct answers. So, Perri, I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine or voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done.

GARDNER: Awesome.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Perri.

GARDNER: Thanks, have a good one.

SAGAL: You too.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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