Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Legendary anchorman Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: SCANDAL Equals 10 Points; Fabio—Come on Down! Leer-end Collisions.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and our upcoming show in Atlanta on September 20th at the Fox Theater. You can also check out the latest How to do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian explain how to stop your cat from eating your ear wax.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Eww.

SAGAL: That is something I never thought I would ever need to know. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

ANN WINER: Hi.

SAGAL: Who is this?

WINER: Ann Winer from Richmond, Virginia.

SAGAL: Well, how are things in beautiful Richmond?

WINER: Hot.

SAGAL: Yeah.

WINER: But getting cooler.

SAGAL: That's good to hear. And what do you do there?

WINER: I actually work in Charlottesville, Virginia, about an hour away. I'm a nurse anesthetist, certified registered nurse anesthetist.

FAITH SALIE: Are there are nurse anesthetists that aren't certified and registered, because I don't want them?

WINER: Not anymore.

SALIE: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

WINER: There used to be.

LUKE BURBANK: Not after the incident.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It's cheaper to use them though.

WINER: It is.

(LAUGHTER)

WINER: It is.

SAGAL: Ann, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis right here is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. You ready to play?

WINER: I am.

SAGAL: All right, Bill, let's hear her first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: At the tournament level I dabble, but my tiles show a meaningless babble. I filled up my ranks with a few extra blanks and got busted for cheating at?

WINER: Scrabble.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes, ma'am.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Good for you, Ann.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very good. The Scrabble world was rocked by scandal this week. An up and coming star was kicked out of the 2012 National Scrabble Championship after he attempted to smuggle extra blank letter tiles into a game. The player was banned for 2 years, which was unfortunately bumped to 6 years because he was on a triple-punishment-score square.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is the first instance of cheating at a major board game championship since a competitor at "The Game of Life' finals three years ago was caught with a bagful of tiny little peg babies.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Since our little game show began, "The Price is Right" does what it can. Now both genders' charms will wave pretty arms. Our prizes are shown by a?

WINER: Man.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes, I'm happy for both of you. Apart from Drew Carey, "The Price is Right" has long been criticized for its lack of male models showing off the merchandise. But this week the show began casting for its first ever male prize model.

He'll wave his arms in front of the prizes and flirt with Mr. Carey. But to make it more authentic, the male prize model will be shown burning burgers on a brand new grill while sucking down his fourth beer, or in the beautiful new bedroom set, failing to pick his underwear up off the floor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, you have one more limerick to go. Let's hear it, Bill.

KURTIS: When ogling long legs and eyelashes, I see the road only in flashes. It's soft, fleshy curves that cause me to swerve. Yes, leering's the cause of most?

WINER: Crashes.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

KURTIS: Yes, my god, is she good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: She did it.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Three in a row, did you know that?

SAGAL: I noticed that.

BURBANK: Is it weird I want to make love to that limerick?

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I thought it was texting. It's checking people out?

SAGAL: Yeah. According to a recent study of several thousand British drivers, some 2,500 crashes every day are caused by men ogling women on the street. Twenty one percent of those drivers admitted to be distracted by not only real life women on the street, but also the models on billboards and at least one instance of a man who crashed after eyeing that sexy "white flashing light lady at the crosswalk."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ann do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, Ann got three right. So she wins Carl Kasell's voice on her home answering machine or voicemail.

SAGAL: Wow, that's amazing.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Ann, you're great.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Ann.

WINER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

WINER: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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