Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Panel Round Two

More questions for the panel: The Importance of Watching Kitten Videos, Click, Clack, Moo, Eww, Your Egg Profile.

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CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Maz Jobrani, and Amy Dickinson. And, here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. In just a minute, Carl shows why our listener limerick challenge game is a victimless rhyme. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Maz, a new study from Japanese researchers shows that watching cat videos at work makes you what?

MAZ JOBRANI: Crazy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No.

JOBRANI: Watching cat videos at work makes you fat.

SAGAL: No. It's good news.

JOBRANI: It's good news.

SAGAL: It's good news.

JOBRANI: Oh, it makes you smart.

SAGAL: Well, you're at work, what's a good thing to be at work?

JOBRANI: Productive.

SAGAL: Yes, watching cat videos makes you more productive according to this study.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: So you think you're just a bored worker passing the time with kitten videos? No, you're increasing your productivity. You think you're just a crazy lady living at home with nine cats? You are. This study has nothing to do with you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What happened was Japanese scientists found that workers who watch kittens and other cute baby animals on the internet are more focused and productive the rest of the day. And your business becomes even more productive if you can teach the kittens Microsoft Excel.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Is that because they watch the video and then they're like, "Oh, so cute."

SAGAL: Yeah, they're sort of cheered up, they're energized because of the cuteness.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You know, again, Peter, with the study...

SAGAL: With the studies.

POUNDSTONE: Why would anybody even do such a study?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I mean what would make someone go what's the effect of cat videos on workers?

SAGAL: Well, I imagine they might start with the premise that a lot of people are watching cat videos at work. We might as well find out what effect it is having on them.

POUNDSTONE: I see what you're saying. So their boss came in while they were watching cat videos.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: And said "what the hell are you doing? You're not doing anything." And they said oh, but we are, we are doing a study.

JOBRANI: We're being productive.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Amy, thanks to a new development, farmers can now get text messages from whom?

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, their cows, of course.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes. This is exciting. Some farmers in Switzerland are trying out new technology that sends a text when a cow is in heat and ready to mate. This saves a lot of time for farmers, who for centuries have had to trudge down to the barn and check for themselves, a process that was as embarrassing for the cows as it was for the farmers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Much less traumatic is sitting down for dinner with your wife, you're all relaxed at the end of the day and then you get a sext from Daisy the milk cow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What do sexts from cows seem like? "I'm tired of chewing just cud."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "Hey, I left my barn door open."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "I'm wearing leather, how about you?"

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Milk me now.

DICKINSON: Maz.

JOBRANI: What? Milk me now.

DICKINSON: That was really naughty.

JOBRANI: That's not naughty.

DICKINSON: That was very naughty.

JOBRANI: I'm talking about milking.

DICKINSON: Yeah, and the hand motion.

SAGAL: Oh, don't make the gesture, Maz.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Poor farmers.

SAGAL: Paula?

POUNDSTONE: Yes.

SAGAL: Scientists in Britain...

POUNDSTONE: I'll be they did.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...recently conducted a study...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, baby.

SAGAL: ...to narrow down human personality types and they made an amazing discovery.

POUNDSTONE: There's two kinds.

SAGAL: There are.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There are people who believe in studies and then there's you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, this study found that you can tell a lot about a person based on the way they do what?

POUNDSTONE: Oh. Prepare their eggs.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: What?

SAGAL: You knew that, very good.

POUNDSTONE: I did. Of course I knew that.

DICKINSON: Were you in that study?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes. The study was conducted by Mindlab International. It determined the following - this is according to Mindlab - boiled egg-eaters are disorganized; fried egg-eaters are typically young, male and promiscuous.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Scrambled egg-eaters are guarded office workers in managerial positions who own their own homes; and omelet-eaters are disciplined and tidy. So remember guys, if you're out on a date with a girl and she orders fried eggs, she's a man.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But congratulations, dudes, on making it to breakfast.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It turns out there's one more. People who eat their soft boiled for exactly three minutes, served in a bone china cup, by a faithful servant at precisely 8:30 a.m. in the morning are the Republican nominee for President.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: You know what, here's the thing with the studies...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I don't need these studies. I didn't go to college and clearly I didn't need to.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Because I sense all this intuitively.

SAGAL: You sense the egg thing intuitively? You knew?

POUNDSTONE: Oh absolutely, as well as the cat video thing. Every study you've ever spoken of, I already knew the findings without completing such a study because I have eyes and ears and out in the world and I see the people eating the eggs.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Peter, you've got a little yolk right here.

SAGAL: Yeah, I understand.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: If this had come out of the Waffle House, I think you'd question the findings.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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