Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl Kasell reads three news-related limericks: Musical Cavities, The Sexiest Man in Washington, An Eggstraordinary Hotel.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Or, click the contact us link on our website, that's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at the Riverside Theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, November 15th.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In Milwaukee. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

SCOTT CAPARELLI: Hey, this is Scott in Seattle.

SAGAL: Hey Scott in Seattle, how are you?

CAPARELLI: I'm good, how are you, Peter?

SAGAL: I'm fine. How are you doing today? You sound a little matter of fact.

(LAUGHTER)

CAPARELLI: It's one of those days.

SAGAL: I understand. What's going on, dude?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You know what, he sounds like the President the other night.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Hey, Mitt Romney, good to see you.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Thanks, Jim, for the question.

SAGAL: Well Scott, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell, right now, is going to read for you three news-related limericks. He is not going to complete them, of course, that is your job. Do that two times out of three, you'll win Carl's voice on your home answering machine. Ready to play?

CAPARELLI: Oh yes.

SAGAL: Again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You got to get up for this, Mr. President, or you're going to lose this thing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here we go; here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: As the dentist is fixing my grill, my hips move and I can't sit still. I groove and I sway as he fixes decay, because music comes out of his?

CAPARELLI: Drill.

SAGAL: Yes, his drill.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A dental surgeon in Java has created the world's first musical dental drill. The idea is that those afraid of the dentist will be OK with someone lowering a drill bit spinning at 45,000 RPM into their mouth if that drill is playing "Call Me Maybe."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But it is very important in the dental context to choose the right song. For example, this isn't easing anybody's mind if it comes out of a drill.

(SOUNDBITE OF "IMPERIAL MARCH")

SAGAL: Feel the tension rising.

(SOUNDBITE OF "IMPERIAL MARCH")

SAGAL: And this is definitely unsettling.

(SOUNDBITE OF "SEXUAL HEALING")

SAGAL: OK, maybe something that will put you right to sleep. OK, open wide.

(SOUNDBITE OF ALL THINGS CONSIDERED THEME)

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl's giving me a look. All right, very good, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: From the veep's sex appeal there's no hidin'. As he ambles on stage, old eyes widen. Those baby boom ladies, he drives them all crazy. They've all got a thing for Joe?

CAPARELLI: Biden.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to Politico, that venerable judge of "sexiness," Joe Biden is considered a sex symbol among the 65-and-older set, or as they're known, "granny boppers." It's a lot of "I've fallen and I can't get up, so get down here Mr. Vice President."

(LAUGHTER)

AMY DICKINSON: He's super sexy.

SAGAL: He does.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

SAGAL: He has the most perfect teeth I've ever seen in a national figure.

POUNDSTONE: You know, he eats an over-easy egg.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm not going there. I'm not going to the vice president's egg preference. I don't want to know what it means. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: For vacation plans, I have slim pickins, 'cause my poultry at home just might sicken. But I've found them a perch. They're not left in the lurch. I have found a hotel for my?

CAPARELLI: Chickens.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, chickens.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A new British hotel caters exclusively to chickens who do not want to stay with their vacationing farmers. The chickens - and this is all true - are pampered with meals of fresh vegetables, joy rides in the hen stroller, sightseeing excursions and visits to the pub. Everything was going great when the hotel opened, until the first paying guests came down to breakfast and encountered the omelet bar.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Scott do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well Scott, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or home answering machine.

POUNDSTONE: All right.

SAGAL: Well done.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations.

CAPARELLI: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

CAPARELLI: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

Copyright © 2012 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!