Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Just a Pretty Face, Like 'N Sync But Tinier, Flatscreen Flatline.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Milwaukee, Los Angeles and Dallas, Texas. Also, check out the latest How to do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to steal the Mona Lisa. Don't, though.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

JOE VECCIARELLI: Hi, this is Joe from Davenport, Florida.

SAGAL: Hey Joe, how are things in Davenport?

VECCIARELLI: Not bad at all. A little warm today but good.

SAGAL: Well that's the blessings of living in Florida. Where is Davenport? I don't know it.

VECCIARELLI: It's about ten miles west of a very large theme park.

SAGAL: Oh, I understand. Do the people around that particular large theme park go to that particularly large theme park all the time?

VECCIARELLI: Not all the time, but often.

SAGAL: Really?

VECCIARELLI: Oh yeah.

SAGAL: You never get bored? You're never like, oh, been on that ride?

VECCIARELLI: I was there a couple of days ago, had a good time.

SAGAL: Well I'm glad to hear it.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: Sounds a little defensive.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show, Joe. Carl Kasell right now is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Ready to play?

VECCIARELLI: All right, ready to go.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Personalities we are ignoring 'cause we're all too busy adoring. Sure, they are hot, but interesting, not. Most beautiful people are?

VECCIARELLI: Boring.

SAGAL: Yes, they are.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Actually, hold on, this is radio. This is radio. Yes, we are.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to a study by scientists in Israel who are probably really homely, attractive people favor conformity and self-promotion over creativity and individualism.

BURBANK: That completely works in my theory that I have developed at the Luke Burbank Institute.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Which is something I call personality sonar. I mean this is really my theory is that we develop our personalities by saying things and then the way they bounce back to us. You know, like that was funny or that was interesting or whatever.

And if you go through life looking like Angelina Jolie, you're like a bat that can't echo locate, right? I mean there's just no way you're going to have a realistic read if what you say is interesting or not interesting. Because at a bar, if a hot chick says, you know, like "look at that wall."

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: Guys are falling all over themselves to like "tell me more, uh-huh, right, it's holding up part of the ceiling. Keep going."

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You know, it's like no wonder you don't have a good personality. Nobody is creating this choice in which you have to develop a good personality. I'm essentially standing up for the beautiful people here, guys.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hey, we appreciate it.

SALIE: That's what...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Very good, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Literal cats do not swing. We mice, though, we make rafters ring. We belt and we croon a most wonderful tune. We mice really know how to?

VECCIARELLI: Sing.

SAGAL: Yes, sing.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Researchers at Tulane have discovered that not only do mice sing to attract mates, as we have reported before on this show, they sing in groups, like tiny little boy bands.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This little mouse is the bad boy. This one's the heartthrob. This is the shy one. And just like with the Backstreet Boys or N'SYNC when one gets eaten by a cat you can replace him and no one notices.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Very good, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Think of this as you pay cable bills. There's a cost to those second-hand thrills. Reality wives suck marrow from lives. Watching TV truly?

VECCIARELLI: Kills.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: If you felt like killing yourself if you have to watch one more presidential debate, don't bother. Because new research from Australia shows that sitting around in a sedentary way is so deadly, for every hour watched of TV, you lose on average 22 minutes of your lifespan.

Just think about that, 22 minutes for every hour. If you watched every episode of "Friends," that's 118 hours of television, that would mean both your life isn't worth living and you won't get to live it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Joe do?

KASELL: Well Joe had three correct answers, Peter. So Joe, you win our prize.

VECCIARELLI: Excellent.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

VECCIARELLI: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done, Joe, and thanks for playing.

VECCIARELLI: My pleasure.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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