Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Olfactory Store, Hong Kong Idol, and The Jet Setup.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or, you can click the contact us link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org.

You can also find there, information about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Los Angeles at the Nokia Theater on December 6th, with special guest Lord Grantham from "Downton Abbey."

AMY DICKINSON: Whoa.

SAGAL: Oh, yes.

DICKINSON: Is he a real lord?

SAGAL: No, actually Lord Grantham is not his actual name.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: His name is Hugh Bonneville. But if I said Lord Grantham, you'd go oooh.

ADAM FELBER: Oooh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tickets are still available. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

DANIEL SOUTTER: Hi, this is Daniel from Peoria, Illinois.

SAGAL: Hey, Daniel, how are things in Peoria?

SOUTTER: Going pretty good.

SAGAL: Yeah, I was down in Peoria not too long ago working on a project. We went out on the Illinois River to look for Asian carp.

SOUTTER: Yeah.

SAGAL: There are a lot of Asian carp.

SOUTTER: Yes, there are. One of them hit you?

SAGAL: Yeah, I got whacked, I got slimed, it was fun.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Have you ever eaten an Asian carp?

SOUTTER: I can't say that I have, no.

SAGAL: They're not bad. I know this because one jumped in my mouth.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So what do you do in Peoria?

SOUTTER: I work for Caterpillar, in the recruiting department.

SAGAL: Oh yeah, they're a very big company down in Peoria, are they not?

SOUTTER: Oh yeah. They make Peoria.

SAGAL: Do you guys get free bulldozers, because I would like one.

(LAUGHTER)

SOUTTER: I don't think there's an employee discount for any of those construction things.

SAGAL: That seems unfair.

FELBER: You can't have a bulldozer.

BRIAN BABYLON: Did I tell you I was amazed on how much those things cost, those Caterpillar things, like 300k for one of those big earthmovers?

SAGAL: Yeah. Well you got to move...

DICKINSON: I can't believe you priced them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh yeah, you really wanted to impress the chicks with your ride, did you not, Brian?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Yeah, I'm outside. Come on out.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, it's yellow. Yeah, you'll you see me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Daniel, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. Are you ready to play?

SOUTTER: I am ready.

SAGAL: Well let's hear your first limerick then.

CARL KASELL: To coax tightwads right out of their shell, we've developed the super-soft sell. Spray this mist in your store then the shoppers spend more. People buy when they breathe the right?

SOUTTER: Smell.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new study - very good, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A new study finds that pleasant smells make us spend. Orange or vanilla scents in a store have us buying 20 percent more stuff. It sounds nuts. But think about it, when was the last time you bought anything in an outhouse?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I'm trying to think where have I gone and it just smelled vanilly or citrusy and I just wanted to just making it rain with money. I'm trying to figure that out.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's subtle, Brian.

BABYLON: It's subtle.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BABYLON: I'll look for it.

SAGAL: OK. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: We're not rock-stars and don't build computers. But in Hong Kong we have many suitors. We help students pass a tough English class. And so stardom's conferred on us?

SOUTTER: Oh man, I don't have it.

SAGAL: Help students pass a tough English class. How about tutors, right, tutors?

SOUTTER: Oh yeah.

SAGAL: Tutors. In America, if you want to be a pop star, you take the old-fashioned route: you make a sex tape.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In Hong Kong, where pre-calculus is the new black, tutors are huge stars. They make millions.

DICKINSON: Wow.

SAGAL: They show up t-shirts. They show up on other merch. Next up is TV: on their version of "X-Factor" you have to solve for X without using a calculator.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick. If you get this one, you'll still win.

KASELL: I've got hours to spare at my gate, 'cause my airplane is always late. So I'm using the wait to hunt for a mate. I'll find someone to take on a?

SOUTTER: Date.

SAGAL: Yes, date, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Ask yourself, what is missing from the soulless, deadening horror of a long airport layover? That's right: personal rejection.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Meetattheairport.com, sets you up on dates between flights. You know...

BABYLON: Didn't a congressman or senator get in trouble for something like that?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Shady.

SAGAL: It's great because until now on a date, you had to go through the whole rigmarole of checking your date for concealed weapons yourself.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Taken care of. Carl, how did Daniel do on our quiz?

KASELL: Daniel, you had two correct answers, so you win our prize. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SOUTTER: All right, thanks a lot.

SAGAL: Take care; bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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