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Opening Panel Round

Our panelists answer questions about the week's news: The Decline of Humanity Continues ...

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about the week's news, of course. Maz, hold onto your hat, a shocking scientific discovery from the University of Canterbury in New Zealand. According to psychology researchers, humans like what?

MAZ JOBRANI: Humans like what?

SAGAL: Yes. They discovered this scientifically.

JOBRANI: Scientifically, humans like food.

SAGAL: Even more than food.

JOBRANI: Air.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Presumably more than air, because this came in first and second place.

JOBRANI: Sex.

SAGAL: Yes. Not only sex, but booze and sex.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It's been scientifically proven. The psychologists found people like drinking beer and having sex, and also that you can get a research grant for pretty much anything these days.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Researchers had subjects make a list of the best things in life, and participants ranked sex number 1, drinking number 2, and volunteering number 3.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We assume number 4 on the list of favorite things to do was "lying about what number 3 is."

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

JOBRANI: There was no study.

SAGAL: There was.

JOBRANI: I'll tell you what that was. That was a bunch of scientists trying to answer the question "what the hell are we going to do about these receipts?"

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You know, what was the sample size on that?

SAGAL: I think it was one guy in a room going, what would I rather be doing right now.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: Well, you know, they always go to college kids to get them to volunteer to be the...

SAGAL: Yeah, that's true.

FELBER: What else are they going to like besides sex and booze? Food should have been up there.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I'm older now. Food should make a move.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Food.

POUNDSTONE: You are playing "Family Feud" with yourself right now.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!