Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time?

Carl reads three quotes from the week's news: Free Falling, Pyongyang We Have A Problem, and Walk Into The Sunset.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. Thanks everybody. Thank you so much. Fun show for you today, we've got the head of the National Institutes of Health, Dr. Francis Collins, coming on to play our game, but I am looking forward to telling him about this weird rash I've got.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But first, this is our last show before the Mayan apocalypse next week. So since we're all going to be dead, except for John Cusack and his estranged wife...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I thought I'd say, well, I thought I would just tell you that, you know, I'm really grateful to you all for listening, so I didn't have to go and get a real job. And I just wanted to say that while I had a chance.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, is anything you want to say, before it's too late?

KASELL: Yes, there is, Peter. At least the global apocalypse means an end to you riding on my coattails.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, give us a call one last time, the number is 1-888-Wait Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Hi you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

WENDY WOOLPERT: Hi, this is Wendy.

SAGAL: Hey.

WOOLPERT: I live in Oakland.

SAGAL: Hey Wendy, how are things in Oakland?

WOOLPERT: Things are, by our lives a little chilly, by yours, it's fabulous.

SAGAL: Thank you for handicapping for us; I appreciate you being merciful.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do you live up there in the Oakland Hills?

WOOLPERT: No, I live in the flats.

SAGAL: You do?

WOOLPERT: Yeah, where the real people live.

SAGAL: Do you gave up into the Oakland Hills with envy?

WOOLPERT: No.

SAGAL: No?

(LAUGHTER)

WOOLPERT: You can't go anywhere without a car in the hills, it's very tiresome.

SAGAL: I appreciate your rationalization of your poverty.

(LAUGHTER)

WOOLPERT: We do that a lot.

SAGAL: I understand.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Wendy. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, the man behind the podcast Too Beautiful to Live, Mr. Luke Burbank is here.

LUKE BURBANK: Hey, Wendy.

WOOLPERT: Hello, Luke.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, a comedian performing this Wednesday at Cameo in Brooklyn, Jessi Klein is here.

(APPLAUSE)

JESSI KLEIN: Hello, Wendy.

WOOLPERT: Hello.

SAGAL: And a humorist blogging more than is healthy at cartalk.com, it's Mr. Tom Bodett.

TOM BODETT: Hi, Wendy.

WOOLPERT: Hi, Tom.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show Wendy. You're, of course, going to play Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Are you ready to play our game?

WOOLPERT: I am ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first quote.

KASELL: Don't make Christmas plans.

SAGAL: That was - according to some House Republicans - what John Boehner told them, because they really need to stick around and work on what?

WOOLPERT: Resolving the fiscal cliff crisis.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, the fiscal cliff again.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have been driving at this cliff for so long, it's like one of these optical illusions. We never get there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Imagine you're a member of Congress, just getting to the end of the most divisive, partisan, unproductive congressional session in memory, and then you find out you're going to be locked in with them through Christmas. It's the least wonderful time of the year.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: You know, I saw that headline, you know, Boehner says don't make plans for Christmas, and I thought it was about the Mayan apocalypse.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: No, I mean, now wait a minute this could be great. This could be, like, you know, we haven't had a really good Christmas special, a new one, in years. We've been watching the old Rankin Bass ones for decades. This'll be great. This will be the "Fiscal Cliff Christmas."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: John Boehner already has a mostly claymation face anyway.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did you know that in order for John Boehner to speak, animators have to come out and move him just a tiny fraction of an inch...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...every time? It's terrifying.

BURBANK: I've been doing sort of a lot of independent cliff research on my own, by watching the Road Runner.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: And one of the things that I figured out is that as long we don't look down and realize that we're in midair, we should be fine.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: You mean they way we've been doing for years.

BURBANK: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yeah.

KLEIN: Yeah.

SAGAL: It's the Wile E. Coyote School of Economics.

BURBANK: It's just the looking down that gets you.

SAGAL: Yeah.

KLEIN: I would like to "Thelma and Louise" it right off the fiscal cliff.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next quote.

KASELL: This is bad news, and more bad news, covered in a double layer of extra bad news.

SAGAL: That's a writer on Gizmodo tech site, not describing the new Taco Bell burrito - no, he was talking about a satellite launched into orbit by what country this week?

WOOLPERT: Oh, this is terrible. I don't know this.

SAGAL: A country that has nuclear ambitions. It's kind of aggressive toward its neighbor, especially the one to the south.

BODETT: It's not Canada.

(LAUGHTER)

WOOLPERT: Well this must be North Korea.

SAGAL: It is in fact North Korea.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: On the anniversary of the death of Kim Jong Il, the Dear Leader, the North Koreans successfully launched a rocket into orbit. The tribute was announced by the current dictator Kim Jung Un, the Supreme Leader, and his son, Kim Jung Uma Thurman, the Adorable Leader.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Is this really threatening? Like it just seems like North Korea - it's like when your toddler, like, first takes those steps and they just make it from one parent to another across the room. You know what I mean?

BODETT: No, this is more like when your toddler steals your car.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Have you heard, though, that there is actual concern that this thing is wobbling.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: NORAD says that - which is, you know, the North American missile monitoring - when they're not following the reindeer...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: ...around Christmastime on local TV news...

SAGAL: Wait a minute.

KLEIN: The one other thing they do.

BURBANK: The other thing they do apparently is...

SAGAL: They do something else? I didn't realize.

BURBANK: I know, right.

SAGAL: I thought they worked one night a year.

BURBANK: By the way, if you were going to attack America, do it Christmas Eve, because they're looking for the reindeer, apparently.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Oh my god, it just dawned on me what he's up to. It's in a polar orbit, isn't it?

SAGAL: Yeah, that's true.

BODETT: He's going after Christmas.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: They're worried that it's going to crash into another satellite.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: Or something else that is operational in space and very expensive.

SAGAL: Yeah, here's the funny thing. It's like this is their blow against the decadent west. They're not able to hurt us otherwise, but they'll destroy our Direct TV.

KLEIN: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I'm not going to get to watch the last episode of "Homeland."

SAGAL: I know.

KLEIN: How ironic.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I'm sure they have comprehensive on that missile, though. So I mean if they hit us, I'm sure it's probably covered.

SAGAL: It'll be fine, I'm sure, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good, Wendy. Here is your last quote.

KASELL: Wow, they were still making those?

SAGAL: That was a writer at CNET, saying what pretty much everybody thought when they heard that the Sony Corporation was finally ceasing production of what?

WOOLPERT: I'm assuming it has to be the Walkman.

SAGAL: It is, in fact, the Walkman, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It first happened 33 years ago, the first time you were ignored by a friend or family member in favor of a small metal box in their hand. Back then, it was the first Sony Walkman, a machine that played cassette tapes. Now, cassettes, for our younger listeners - oh, wait, this is NPR, we don't have any.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now think about this, can you believe they were making these things up until now?

BODETT: Well there goes my Christmas list. What the hell am I going to do now?

SAGAL: If you think things are depressing at like the iPad factories, imagine how worse it is at the last Walkman factory until they close it?

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: You know, the yellow one was cool.

SAGAL: Yeah, like the sports Walkman.

KLEIN: I wanted that yellow sport one. Does anyone here...

BURBANK: Yes.

KLEIN: Is anyone else here 1,000 years old?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: The yellow, I never got the yellow one - hint.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I have one in my desk drawer. I'm not making that up.

KLEIN: Do you really?

BODETT: Yeah, I do. You want it?

KLEIN: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I do.

BODETT: You can no longer get tapes for it.

KLEIN: I have all of my old mix tapes. I would like to listen to them on my yellow sports Walkman.

SAGAL: Well that's why I still have my cassettes because, you know, you get rid of the commercial cassettes, but all those mix tapes.

BODETT: Yeah.

KLEIN: Yeah, a hot side and a cold side.

SAGAL: Exactly.

BURBANK: And always four seconds of the DJ after the song ended, before you hit stop.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Pause, play.

BURBANK: Yeah.

KLEIN: Pause, play. Pause, play, record.

BURBANK: Greatest hits of the 60...

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: But, I mean we have to memorialize this device because it was the Walkman that ushered in the era of us being able to finally ignore other human beings in public.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The first person to put on headphones and walk down the street, refusing to meet anybody in the eye was like the Rosa Parks of the modern age.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I don't know if this is just a New York level thing that I now do with my iPod, but it's gotten to the point where I want to ignore people, like even if I'm not in the mood to listen to music, I will just have my earphones in...

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: ...as a signifier of "don't talk to me."

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Strangely, I've never had any problem of keeping from talking to me in public. I don't know why.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Wendy do on our quiz?

KASELL: Wendy, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

WOOLPERT: That's wonderful.

SAGAL: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

Copyright © 2012 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!