Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Baby Shower Redux, A Royal Avatar, and #JEANS.

Copyright © 2012 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

You can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and you can check out the How To Do Everything podcast. This week: none other than Jessi Klein tells you how to be a standup comedian.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME! Who's this?

MORGAN HARTMAN: Morgan Hartman from Miami.

SAGAL: Hey, Morgan, how are you?

HARTMAN: I'm doing great. How are you?

SAGAL: That's great. Morgan is a nice name and Miami is a beautiful place. What do you do there?

HARTMAN: I work for a wine import company. We import wine from Argentina and I cover the southeast but I sell a lot of wine to Miami.

SAGAL: You do?

HARTMAN: Uh-huh.

SAGAL: Is there a particular kind of wine that Miami enjoys?

HARTMAN: Malbec.

SAGAL: Really?

HARTMAN: Malbec is hot.

SAGAL: Malbec is hot.

HARTMAN: Yep.

SAGAL: Let me ask you a question because I'm always genuinely curious. Can people really tell the difference or is it just like, oh I want a Malbec because that's what's hot?

HARTMAN: Well, it depends on how much you drink.

(LAUGHTER)

HARTMAN: At the beginning, the first sip you can tell but after about five, no, it doesn't matter.

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I feel like you just gave up a big secret.

TOM BODETT: Yeah.

LUKE BURBANK: That's when I'd just start drinking the spittoon.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: It's fine.

BODETT: You don't notice.

(SOUNDBITE OF BOOING)

BURBANK: Don't get proud.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Morgan, it's a pleasure to have you. Of course, Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can successfully complete two out of three of these limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

HARTMAN: I am.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: As our first baby's having a tinkle, our party plans suffer a wrinkle. We can't spare an hour to hold a whole shower, we'll settle for just a small?

HARTMAN: Sprinkle.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For the second kid - we learned this, this week - many moms are now skipping the big elaborate baby shower and they're going with a more low key event, called a "baby sprinkle." Among the suggested gifts: a smock to protect against the other kind of baby sprinkle.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The idea is - this is the idea, is that instead of brining the more big ticket items like, you know, cribs or strollers, guests bring more practical gifts for moms of multiple kids like diapers, or effective birth control.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Well, also get the new arrival used to living in their older sibling's shadow right off the bat.

SAGAL: Exactly yeah. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: The Queen sets aside her wee tea. This Christmas, she says, "Come see me." When giving my speech I will seem within reach, I will be filmed and broadcast in?

HARTMAN: TV.

SAGAL: Not TV. It's sort of a format.

HARTMAN: I'm stumped.

SAGAL: How about 3D?

HARTMAN: 3D, OK.

SAGAL: Yeah. For the first time ever Queen Elizabeth's annual televised Christmas greeting will be delivered to viewers in 3D, because if there's anything that's better in 3D that gains from that format, it's an old lady sitting perfectly still.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: This is just her way of saying to Prince Charles "I'm going to live forever."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: We're update obsessed teens and tweens, and our pants will tell where we have been. The cloth in our seats is sending out tweets. Our updates are sent from our?

HARTMAN: Jeans.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An Italian jeans maker has created jeans that automatically tweet your location and mood, as selected by you. The jeans also tweet their own messages, like "God, please wash me, its been weeks."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They hope it'll be more successful than their tweeting corduroys, which would only tweet "hash tag thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop."

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: How do your jeans know your mood?

SAGAL: Well that's a good...

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Like I should have just accepted that.

JESSI KLEIN: Tom. Tom, please.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, what you do is...

BODETT: Call me old fashioned.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There's a little control panel that you press. You say, oh, I'm in a happy mood and you press the happy button and your jeans tweet your...

BODETT: Oh, I see. So you can - I see. So it's not like a mood ring where your jeans just sort of know.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I'm feeling gassy.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Just one example. There's many more that could suddenly pop into my head.

KLEIN: Who came up with this?

SAGAL: Italians. Italians came up with this.

KLEIN: The Italians.

BURBANK: Ironic, because they wear their jeans so tight you know how they're feeling from six blocks away.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Morgan do on our quiz?

KASELL: Morgan, you had two correct answers. So, congratulations, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

HARTMAN: Yay, thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing, Morgan.

HARTMAN: Thank you very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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