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Headlines

Legendary anchorman Bill Kurtis reads headlines from the news.

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, filling in for Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Firoozeh Dumas, Paula Poundstone and Roy Blount, Jr. And here again is your host, the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill make likes bust-a-rhymes in the listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, though, it's time for a we're calling?

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis, and this is the news.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, Bill is now going to read three headlines. Only one of the headlines will be real though. Your job is to pick the real one and you get a point. OK, Firoozeh, you are up first. Your headline is from the San Diego Union Tribune newspaper and it concerns a political scandal. Was it?

KURTIS: Undersecretary Found Under Secretary.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or?

KURTIS: Mayor Jogs Around San Diego, Sans Pants.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or?

KURTIS: Candidate Says Sex Doll Claims Inflated.

(LAUGHTER)

FIROOZEH DUMAS: Well this is San Diego, so I'm going to go with all three. I'll go with two.

SAGAL: You're going to go with the second one, Mayor Jogs Around San Diego, Sans Pants?

DUMAS: Well, because they have naked beaches or something.

SAGAL: He might have but the answer was Candidate Says Sex Doll Claims Inflated. The whole story, we are told, was blown out of proportion.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Paula, your headline comes from the New Haven Independent, and it concerns a baked good. Was it?

KURTIS: Governor Eats Cookie.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or?

KURTIS: Apple Unveils New iScone.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or?

KURTIS: Man Recovering After Misreading "Do Not Eat" as donut eat.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: I don't know, A.

SAGAL: A: Governor Eats Cookie. You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Sure, it was in the newspaper but it's not really news until the headline is Cookie Eats Governor.

(LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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