Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: The Biceps Race, Pretty Flustered, Smile and Say Cheesy!

Copyright © 2013 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the Contact Us link on our website WaitWait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And check out our how-to-do-everything podcast. This week, how to handle the awkward situation when your cell phone goes off while you're being sentenced for a crime. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

BELINDA FRANKEY: Hi. This is Belinda in Fort Carson, Colorado.

SAGAL: Oh, how lovely. What do you do there?

FRANKEY: I am a stay-at-home mom.

SAGAL: Oh, great. And so how old are your kids?

FRANKEY: The girls are nine and seven and the boy is four.

SAGAL: So you have your hands full.

FRANKEY: Yes. The little one is wild.

SAGAL: Have you ever considering duct taping them to the wall?

(LAUGHTER)

FRANKEY: I'm actually not supposed to talk about that.

SAGAL: I understand.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHER)

SAGAL: We'll move quickly on. Belinda, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play?

FRANKEY: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: To copy the first lady's charms, I'll go to posh beauty farms. I won't hit the gym to be well-toned and trim, I'll let surgery firm up my...

FRANKEY: Arm.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Arms. Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: To people who say the Obama administration hasn't done anything, consider this, they've inspired - and this is true - a 5,000 percent increase in arm - well, flab-o-plasties, right?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Experts believe demand for this procedure is due to Michelle Obama and the way she wears those sleeveless dresses all the time. It's weird, though, because now you're starting to see all these grandmas with toned, surgically enhanced arms. It's like, Wow, grandma has been hitting the needlepoint hard.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: Around ladies I'll keep what I've got, 'cause I got my immunity shot. No matter how pretty, I'll stay tough and gritty, I do not trust a woman who's...

FRANKEY: Hot?

SAGAL: Yes, hot.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It used to be men were helpless to the charms of a beautiful woman. But that was before the hotness vaccine. A couple doses of minocycline and men in the presence of a pretty woman can make clear decisions, speaking in complete sentences. It started out, though, as an acne drug. True. You're a 15-year-old boy. The girls won't talk to you because you have pimples. You take this drug, the pimples go away, the girls talk to you, now you don't care.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Excuse me, I have to do my math homework. Away with you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: I don't want to look like a fool, and I'm breaking no class picture rule. A modeling-career look will go in my yearbook, I use fashion shoot photos for...

FRANKEY: School.

SAGAL: Yes, school.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, parents are spending thousands of dollars on professional fashion spreads for their kids' school pictures. Photographers, makeup artists, stylists, Photoshopping turns your awkward middle schooler into a beautiful creepy middle schooler.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It'll be some nice years later when you can look back and see what you did not actually look like.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Belinda do in our quiz?

KASELL: Belinda, congratulations, you had three correct answers. So I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done. Thank you, Belinda.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

Copyright © 2013 NPR. All rights reserved. No quotes from the materials contained herein may be used in any media without attribution to NPR. This transcript is provided for personal, noncommercial use only, pursuant to our Terms of Use. Any other use requires NPR's prior permission. Visit our permissions page for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by a contractor for NPR, and accuracy and availability may vary. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Please be aware that the authoritative record of NPR's programming is the audio.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!