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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: Luke Burbank has the lead, Peter. He has three points, Amy Dickinson and P.J. O'Rourke each has two, so they're tied for second.

SAGAL: All right. Well, we have a tie for second and P.J. graciously, a gentleman to the last, has let Amy pick who goes first. She chose P.J. The clock will start when I begin your first question, P.J. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the House passed a 1.1 trillion dollar spending bill, postponing the threat of a government blank until September 30.

P.J. O'ROURKE: Shut down.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Although water has been ruled safe in many parts of blank this week, pregnant women were still advised to drink bottled water.

O'ROURKE: West Virginia.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to unofficial results released Thursday, after two days of polling voters in blank approved a new military-backed constitution.

O'ROURKE: Egypt.

SAGAL: Yes, Egypt.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The pilots of a Southwest flight that blanked in Missouri were grounded on Monday.

O'ROURKE: Well, landed at the wrong airport.

SAGAL: They did.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A woman in Washington State is going to be fine after she was hit by a car being driven by a blank.

O'ROURKE: Stoned person.

SAGAL: No, a Chihuahua. I don't know if it was stoned.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How could you tell?

O'ROURKE: Yes.

SAGAL: After a contract dispute, Direct TV dropped the blank.

O'ROURKE: The Vue.

SAGAL: No, the Weather Channel.

O'ROURKE: Oh, the Weather Channel.

SAGAL: New Yorkers, P.J. were outraged this week after new Mayor De Blasio was seen eating blank with a knife and fork.

O'ROURKE: Pizza.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Massachusetts man suspected of drunk driving...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...was unable to evade capture when he blanked.

O'ROURKE: Yeah, pulled over for - at the bar to freshen up his drink.

SAGAL: No. He did not evade capture even though he climbed a tree and yelled down to the cops, I'm an owl.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Police had to get a bucket truck to retrieve the man from the tree, where he was perched about 30 feet up.

O'ROURKE: He wasn't an owl, was he?

SAGAL: He wasn't an owl. It was a convincing charade. Police say they were not fooled. They figured it out when the supposed owl spit up a pellet and had the remains of a burrito in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did P.J. do on our quiz?

KASELL: He had five correct answers for ten more points. P.J. now has 12 points and has taken the lead.

SAGAL: All right. Amy, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Last Sunday the White House announced that on January 20 blank would begin eliminating its uranium stockpiles.

AMY DICKINSON: Iran.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: With Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosting, this year's blank had its highest ratings in 10 years.

DICKINSON: Golden Globes.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Officials ordered residents to evacuate the area around Los Angeles on Thursday as blanks spread in the area.

DICKINSON: Wildfires.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In a controversial move, the US Figure Skating Association announced it would send the fourth-place winner in the national championships to the blank instead of the third.

DICKINSON: The Olympics.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: As if having warts weren't bad enough, this week the FDA warned that home wart freezing products could blank.

O'ROURKE: Freeze your ass off.

DICKINSON: Freeze your ass off.

SAGAL: No. Could spontaneously catch on fire. Animatronic singing animal lovers were shocked at the news Thursday that pizza chain blank E blank had been sold in a billion dollar deal.

DICKINSON: Chuck E Cheese.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ty Warner, the creator of the once collectible blank plush toys, was sentenced to probation for tax evasion this week.

DICKINSON: Oh, Beanie Babies

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An off-duty firefighter in Houston...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...was able to put out a tractor-trailer truck that had caught fire by using blank.

DICKINSON: Urinated on it?

SAGAL: No. It's a big truck. He used the beer the truck had been carrying.

DICKINSON: Oh.

SAGAL: Captain Craig Monreau didn't have any firefighting supplies when he came across the 18-wheeler on fire, but he did have one thing. Lots and lots of beer. Monreau sprayed can after can onto the fire, not hesitating a second because fighting fires is his mission in life, and besides, it was Coors.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. So how, first of all, did Amy do on our quiz, Carl?

KASELL: She had six correct answers for 12 more points. She now has 14 points and is tied for the lead.

SAGAL: All right. So how many then does Luke need to win?

KASELL: Six correct answers.

SAGAL: All right. Luke, that's doable. Here we go. This is for the game.

LUKE BURBANK: Not for me.

SAGAL: Reuters reported this week that in addition to Target, at least three other retailers had their blank data hacked.

BURBANK: Customer's card data.

SAGAL: Right, credit card data.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Hospitalized since his stroke in 2006, former Isaraeli prime minister blank died Saturday at age 85.

BURBANK: Sharon.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The New York Times reported Tuesday that the blank is able to use radio waves to conduct surveillance on computers that are not even online.

BURBANK: NSA.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, struggling department store blank announced it is cutting 2 thousand jobs and closing 33 stores.

BURBANK: JC Penney.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Millipedes are invading Florida, but scientists say they're harmless to humans, and on the upside, the millipedes are also blank.

BURBANK: Smarter than Floridians.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. A hallucinogenic recreational drug for monkeys.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who knew? Gravity, Twelve Years a Slave and American Hustle led the nominations for this year's blank.

BURBANK: Oscars.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Cops at a DUI checkpoint in Mexico City were alerted to a drunk driver by blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

BURBANK: The parliament of owls that were flying above them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. They were alerted by the driver's parrot yelling, he's drunk, he's drunk.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Before cops could even give the man a breathalyzer, they heard he's drunk, he's drunk from the back of the Chevy. The parrot, who ironically sang like a canary...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...got the man thrown in jail and then was heard to yell, so you think cages make you feel more secure, huh? Feeling secure now, huh?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, did Luke do well enough to win?

He came close, Peter. He came up one point short. So with 14 points, Amy Dickinson is this week's champion.

(APPLAUSE)

BURBANK: Hey, congratulations.

DICKINSON: What?

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that A-Rod is banned from baseball, what will he do with his time? But first let me tell you...

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