Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Pay As You Go, The Yippy Menace, and Dead Sexy.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Kalamazoo, Michigan on March 20th. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

KELLY JACQUAY: This is Kelly from Turlock, California.

SAGAL: Turlock? Where is Turlock, California?

: Turlock is about an hour south of Sacramento.

SAGAL: It's very dry there I'm told.

: Very dry.

SAGAL: Yeah, have you considered like picking up and taking your family and putting them in the Model T and driving to Oklahoma?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Kelly. Carl Kasell right now is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?

: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: One new species we've found but, oh my, the sex life is rough on the guy. His marsupial powers must go 14 hours, which he does, then he lies down to...

: ...die.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Die. Scientists in Australia have discovered a new marsupial, the black-tailed Ante-chinus. He's a cuddly little guy that mates for 14 frantic hours and then dies from exhaustion and rug burn.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Think of him as the Sting of the marsupial kingdom.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: What a way to go.

SAGAL: Yeah. All right. Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: All of Phoenix runs home to see mama, 'cause there's mayhem just like in Tijuana. The small shaky pets have become a large threat, so beware of a pack of...

: ...piranhas?

SAGAL: Piranhas. That would be interesting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You'd be walking down the streets of Phoenix and being threatened by a pack of feral piranhas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And it does kind of rhyme.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Three syllables, a tiny pet.

: I'm at a loss here.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's Chihuahuas, which of course as everybody knows rhymes with Tijuana, doesn't it?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Roaming packs of feral Chihuahuas have taken over the town of Maryvale, near Phoenix, Arizona. They're stalking children on their way to school, their taunting upstanding citizens and they're carrying blonde starlets around in tiny purses.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Police say that they're not sure what's caused the local Chihuahua uprising, but warned residents that if they are ever threatened by a pack of wild Chihuahuas, the best thing to do is never, ever tell anybody.

(LAUGHTER)

ALONZO BODDEN: So what do you do, just carry a broom?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Very good. You still have one more chance. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: While relieving, my sounds aren't gentle...

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: ...in other stalls folks get judgmental...

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: So good money I pay for a longtime each day, the toilet I use is a...

SAGAL: It rhymes with judgmental, gentle.

: ...rental?

SAGAL: Yes, rental. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: For just eight dollars a day you can rent a private luxury restroom in midtown Manhattan. The company, which is called Posh Stow and Go, provides tourists with an alternative to Starbucks. But you better hurry. Eight dollars a day is so cheap that chances are by the time you go to use your rented bathroom, four publishing interns and an aspiring filmmaker will be living in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Kelly do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, Kelly had two correct answers, Peter, so she wins our prize.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing, Kelly.

: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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