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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, it is time to move on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: Faith Salie and Alonzo Bodden are tied for first. Each has four points. Roy Blount, Jr. has three.

SAGAL: That means, Roy, that you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week a UN panel called for the prosecution of Kim Jung Un for crimes against humanity committed in blank.

ROY BLOUNT JR.: In North Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a report released Tuesday by the Congressional Budget Office, raising the blank would have mixed effects.

JR.: Minimum wage.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The company behind the addictive social networking game blank filed for an IPO on Tuesday.

JR.: Oh, I think it's Candy Crush.

SAGAL: It is Candy Crush.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, hackers accessed personal information dating back to 1998 for over three hundred thousand students and faculty members at the University of blank.

JR.: I don't know. The University of - where's a place where hackers congregate?

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: Maryland.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

JR.: Oh, where did I get that?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: After an Arizona woman complained she'd been given the wrong medicine, her Walgreens pharmacist told her quote blank.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: Too bad.

SAGAL: No. She said, well you know, they both start with an H.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: To sync up their schedule with the rest of Europe, people in Spain are thinking of ending the tradition of the mid-afternoon blank.

JR.: Siesta.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A woman in South Carolina spent the night...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...in prison after failing to blank for ten years?

JR.: To turn on her blinker.

SAGAL: To return her VHS copy of "Monster In-Law."

JR.: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Even though the video store she rented it from went out of business years ago, police still arrested Finley for holding the movie so long. She's out on bond, and hopefully the judge will agree that having to watch Monster in Law was punishment enough.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Roy do on our quiz?

KASELL: Roy had five correct answers for ten more points. He now has 13 points and Roy has the lead.

SAGAL: OK, Roy. Very well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin and Faith has elected to go next. Fill in the blank. As violence between protestors and the government escalated this week, the UN announced it was imposing sanctions on the leaders in blank.

FAITH SALIE: Ukraine.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Department of Homeland Security warned airlines that terrorists are working on new ways to hide explosives in their blank.

SALIE: Shoes.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A shopper at a Chevron station in California was the only person in the country to buy a winning blank on Wednesday.

SALIE: Lottery ticket.

SAGAL: Yeah, Powerball.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In the wake of the Time Warner / Comcast merger, the FCC plans to rewrite the rules on blank.

SALIE: Net neutrality.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ever since a storm hit in December, a woman in Germany has been having trouble with her horse because it blanked.

SALIE: Started dancing.

SAGAL: No. It moved into her house and will not leave.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week CeeLo Green announced that he will not return as a judge on the hit TV show blank.

SALIE: The Voice.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Jamie Coots, the snake-handling pastor and star of the Snake Salvation reality TV show died this week after he was blanked.

SALIE: Bitten by a snake.

SAGAL: Yes.

JR.: Duh.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A California man was identified and arrested for robbing a church after police found a blank at the scene.

SALIE: Oh, his wallet.

SAGAL: A phone with a selfie of the suspect.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's understandable. The man was obviously proud of his thieving skills and wanted to celebrate his robbery with a selfie. He couldn't wait until he got home. Police on the scene of the robbery looked around and thought, if only some vigilant onlooker had managed to take a photo of the thief.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Faith do?

KASELL: Six correct answers, twelve more points. She now has sixteen points and the lead.

SAGAL: All right then. How many then...very good, Faith.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How many then does Alonzo need to take this thing?

KASELL: Six to tie, seven to win outright.

SAGAL: Here we go, Alonzo. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. Actor Will Smith was Jimmy Fallon's first guest in his new job as the host of the blank.

ALONZO BODDEN: "Tonight Show."

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After being arrested for a short time in Sochi, the band blank immediately released a new anti-Putin song.

BODDEN: Pussy, uh...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, you remember that part.

BODDEN: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Pussy Riot.

SAGAL: Pussy Riot, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODDEN: Pussy Riot.

SAGAL: On Monday night, a blank the size of three football fields passed by the Earth.

BODDEN: Asteroid.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: And on Thursday, the messaging service WhatsApp was acquired by social networking site blank for $19 billion.

BODDEN: Facebook.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After first enduring the Polar Vortex, and then the Arctic Blast, meteorologists this week warned the Midwest to get ready for blank.

BODDEN: Cold.

SAGAL: A Texas Hooker.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I don't know what it is. Investigators looked into the death of two security officers on board the Maersk container ship that was seen in the blank movie.

BODDEN: Oh, Captain Phillips.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week the first automated teller machines that distribute the virtual currency blank were unveiled in the U.S.

BODDEN: Bitcoin?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An Iowa man...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...is suing for jobless benefits after he was fired for using a forklift to blank.

BODDEN: To race?

SAGAL: No. He used his forklift to get his stuck Twix candy bar out of a vending machine.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Police (unintelligible)...

SAGAL: So you know what happens when you put the money in, you want a candy bar, the candy comes out and gets stuck on the little wire thing. So he did, he shook it, he pounded it, nothing happened. So Robert McKevitt, the greatest American who has ever lived...

SALIE: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...went and got his forklift, scooped up the vending machine. He lifted it 2' in the air and dropped it. And he did this six times...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...until the Twix bar fell and he was able to enjoy his snack...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...with what I hope was a well-earned sense of satisfaction.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He was fired five days later.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, did Alonzo do well enough to win?

KASELL: He needed six to tie, he had six correct answers to tie. So with 16 points, Faith Salie and Alonzo Bodden are this week's co-champions.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists how they will spice things up for the next Olympic Games. But first let me tell you...

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