Candyland

Snap Judgment host Glynn Washington shows his little brother the way to Candyland right through the jaws of a monster.

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GLYNN WASHINGTON, HOST:

OK, so before I tell you this story, you first have to understand that I love my little brother. I did. I did. I do. But it was my duty to teach him things that only big brothers can teach. Now next door to us in the neighbors backyard, prowled the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog that has ever walked the Earth, some sort of mixture between a wolf, a Doberman and a bear. And long-ago, some brave soul had marked a line in the dirt that this monster could not go passed. His cast iron chain held him back, stretched tight as he slammed against it in absolute fury, chomping, biting, snapping. Hell-hound desperate to tear kids apart with steel jaws. It was right there at that line in the sand that I stood two or three inches away from annihilation with my younger brother. He was maybe 6 years old. We could see the inside of the dog's snapping maw. And right there, right then, I told my little brother the story of Candyland. It was a magical place. Everything smells of cotton candy. The trees are made of chocolate, and you ride lollipop cars from one gingerbread house to the next.

And my little brother said, really? For real? I want to go there. Oh that would be great, but there's a problem. What? What? What? Well, there's only one way in. Where? And to this day, I don't know why I did it, but I pointed to Kujo's doghouse. You have to go and knock on the floor of that house, and the fairies will let you in. For real? Yep. My little brother looked at me. He looked at the snarling beast inches away from our faces, and he did the bravest thing I've ever seen. He ran. With short, little, fat boy legs, he ran right past the beast, straight for the doghouse. The monster was so surprised by the time he realized he should be eating this little boy, my brother was already pounding on the floor of the doghouse. Let me in. Let me in. I want to come to Candyland. Then the monster got lively. He raced back to take a bite out of boy, but my little brother was too quick.

He dived, rolled, ran, bobbed, weaved, and somehow managed to get back over the line with his hind parts intact. The dog was furious, snarling, crazy. But my brother was upset as well. I knocked and knocked, but I couldn't get to Candyland. Gotcha. What? Gotcha. I just tricked you fool. There's no such thing as Candyland. He took a deep breath - Mom, Mom. No, no, no, fool. I was trying to teach you a lesson. Mom. Mom. Be quiet, be quiet. My mother came running top speed to see her baby in trouble. What's going on? What's going on? He told her everything. And my mother said, oh Candyland, huh? Candyland. You want to go see Candyland? Come with me. Come with me, the both of ya'll. And she sat us down at the kitchen table. She cut two, big slices of chocolate cake. Mama, that looks good. Momma. And she gave them both to my little brother. And you're going to sit right there and watch him eat. See, sometimes even when you think you're the one playing the joke, the joke's on you. Today, from PRX and NPR, SNAP JUDGMENT proudly presents "Original Prankster." Amazing stories from real people about real people who sometimes take the joke too far. My name is Glynn Washington, and this is SNAP JUDGMENT.

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