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Lightning Fill In The Blank

All the news we couldn't fit anywhere else.

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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now it's time to go to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Carl Kasell, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: Brian Babylon and Amy Dickenson are tied for first. Each has three points. Bobcat Goldthwait has two.

SAGAL: OK. Bobcat, you are up first because you are in third place. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Because gay and lesbian groups were excluded, the mayors of Boston and New York boycotted this year's blank parades.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: St. Patrick's Day.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: President Obama made an appearance on the Ellen Degeneres Show Thursday to promote his blank plan.

GOLDTHWAIT: His health care.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday morning, news anchors hid under their desks as a 4.4 magnitude earthquake hit blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Los Angeles.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For the second time in the last year, a psychic show in the UK was cancelled due to blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Poor ratings.

SAGAL: Unforeseen circumstances.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Best known for his appearances on "The Tonight Show," comedian blank died last weekend at age 78.

GOLDTHWAIT: David Brenner.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the New York Knicks introduced former player and championship winning coach blank as their new president.

GOLDTHWAIT: Ronald McDonald.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Phil Jackson. According to a British study...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...the majority of newlyweds have blanked with their wedding guests?

GOLDTHWAIT: Slept.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

AMY DICKINSON: No.

SAGAL: It's true. Turns out marriage is more than a celebration of two people joining together for life. It's also a celebration of joining with other people for much shorter periods of time and then presumably regretting it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Six out of ten newlyweds in this study admitted to having slept with at least two of their wedding guests.

(SOUNDBITE OF SURPRISE)

SAGAL: So, if you think that's a rule and you're about to get married and your fiance suggests a small, family affair, get out now.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: You met my Uncle Dad.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Bobcat do on our quiz?

KASELL: Five correct answers for ten more points and he now has 12 points and the lead.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, we flipped a coin and Amy's elected to go last so Brian, you're up next, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Obama awarded blanks to 24 veterans.

BRIAN BABYLON: Medal of Honor.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Michelle Obama arrived in Beijing for an official weeklong visit to blank.

BABYLON: China?

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Geez.

SAGAL: That was a tough one.

BABYLON: Whoa.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A teenager from New Jersey was arrested Thursday after he managed to elude security and climb to the top of the new blank in New York.

BABYLON: World Trade Center.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After problems with battery fires led to a yearlong review, the FAA announced this week that Boeing's blank planes are in fact safe.

BABYLON: Dreamliner.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man who tried to rob a casino in Las Vegas was quickly tackled and apprehended by blank.

BABYLON: Dancers.

SAGAL: Oh, not just dancers. The male strippers known as the Thunder from Down Under.

BABYLON: Down Under.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because of back spasms, on Tuesday blank was forced to pull out of the Arnold Palmer Invitational.

BABYLON: Tiger Woods.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: TV pitchman Kevin Trudeau, best known for his late night blanks was sentenced to 10 years in jail for cheating customers.

BABYLON: Infomercials.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A tourist in Italy...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...broke the leg off a 19th century statue when he tried to blank.

BABYLON: Take a selfie.

SAGAL: Yes. Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Good.

DICKINSON: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

DICKINSON: Good round.

BABYLON: Yeah, in the zone.

SAGAL: The Drunken Satyr statue was a copy in the Academy of Fine Arts in Brera, Italy. And when a drunken tourist - no relation - tried to sit on the statue's lap to take a selfie, the satyr's leg fell off, totally ruining the selfie.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Brian do on our quiz?

KASELL: Brian had seven correct answers for 14 more points. He now has 17 points, and Brian has the lead.

SAGAL: That was very impressive, Brian. Very impressive.

(APPLAUSE)

DICKINSON: Whoa, great round, Brian.

SAGAL: So how many then does Amy need to win?

KASELL: Seven to tie, eight to win outright.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go. Amy, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. In testimony on Thursday, the son-in-law of blank said he hadn't known about the attacks on 9/11 in advance.

DICKINSON: Osama bin Laden.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Washington Post reported Tuesday that a new surveillance system created by the blank is recording all of the phone calls in an unspecified foreign country.

DICKINSON: The NSA?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After a four-year criminal investigation, on Wednesday, the Justice Department reached a $1.2 billion settlement with automaker blank.

DICKINSON: Toyota.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: At a town hall meeting in Flemington, New Jersey this week, Governor Blank was questioned about the bridge scandal.

DICKINSON: Christie.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A New Mexico man was forced to call his neighbor for help after he woke up one morning and discovered he was blanked.

DICKINSON: In his neighbor's house?

SAGAL: No. He woke up to discover that he was trapped in his house by tumbleweeds.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to information released this week, Episode 7 in the blank series will take place 30 years after "Return of the Jedi."

DICKINSON: "Star Wars."

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After pulling the popular game from app stores in February for being too addictive, this week the creator of blank confirmed that he's bringing it back.

DICKINSON: Oh, shoot, shoot. It's the Flappy Bird flapping.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A Subway - yes, Flappy Bird.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Subway sandwich maker...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...in the UK is in trouble after using the restaurant's bread oven to blank.

DICKINSON: Warm up - to take a nap in.

SAGAL: No. Geez. No, she used the bread oven to dry her wet socks.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know what it's like, your feet get wet on the way to work, you're cold. You didn't bring a pair of socks. Look. There's a dry, very warm place not being used at the moment. After customers complained, a Subway spokesman immediately issued an apology, and then hurried to take her damp laundry out of the microwave.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, did Amy do well enough to win?

KASELL: She needed seven at least to tie, but she only had six correct answers.

SAGAL: Oh, no.

KASELL: So with 17 points, Brian Babylon is this week's champion.

SAGAL: Yes. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the next great discovery about our universe. But first let me tell you...

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